Category: Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another chapter of Grateful Heart Monday, where the focus is always on a single piece of gratitude to start the week off on a positive note, which for today is for going on the first of hopefully many future retreats with a small group of men from the ManKind Project (MKP) about a week ago now at Proud Lake State Park.

It’s probably best I at least qualify first what MKP is before I get into my specific gratitude from the retreat. MKP is a men’s organization that isn’t based upon any specific religion or spiritual understanding, whose main purpose is to help men heal from those deep-seated wounds that standard paths of healing don’t quite seem to help, wounds like my father’s suicide that only MKP in the end helped me to overcome.

Nevertheless, as part of my 20-year tie now to MKP, I continue to stay active in the organization by meeting bi-weekly with six other brothers, where our only sole purpose is to create deeper connections to each other, to become men of integrity in all areas of our lives, and to help each other continue to face and work through any of those deep-seated wounds and blockages that may still be within each of us. As part of our brotherhood, our group of men decided back in the Spring to begin embarking upon an annual retreat, solely for the purpose of helping us to grow closer to each other. It was decided that our first retreat would be scheduled for the weekend after Labor Day.

Now that it is over, I must say, I have much to be grateful for from the retreat, as I find myself reflecting upon it. For the two cooks, Les and Chris, who prepared all our delicious meals for the entire weekend, for the nature walks I took with Robb where I learned about everything from wild mushrooms to trees that can break a chainsaw, for the “Would You Rather”, “Rotten Apples”, and “Never Have I Ever” games we laughed so hard playing, for the constant outdoor fire that mesmerized us through its dancing flames throughout the entire time there, for my own reflective nature walks I took that lifted my spirits every time I went on them, for Kyle’s guitar playing and singing that always seemed to lull me into a sense of peace whenever it happened, for the deep work John did to overcome a very painful issue from his past, for Jeff being able to come for even a part of it in light of one of his family member’s passing during it, for the enjoyment that buying 8 eight large bags of every variety of M&M’s brought all of us, for the many beautiful wildlife creatures that kept on visiting us such as the brightly-colored dragonflies and caterpillars, for the communal meals we all had together where we dined as a family, for the lodge itself we stayed in that became like home for a few days, for the weather that felt perfect in every way, and for even feeling a whole lot of sadness when we finally had to say goodbye to each other to head home, I truly have a lot to be grateful for with our first annual retreat with my fellow MKP brothers.

I now have much to look forward to a year from now, when we embark upon our second retreat, but in the meantime, I’m just so very thankful and feeling blessed for my Higher Power bringing together such an eclectic bunch of guys during a weekend that most definitely touched my heart and everyone else’s there as well…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to a new week and a new Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude always kicks things off on a positive note, which for today is for my recent attendance to the opening game of the season for the Michigan Wolverines football team.

At first, I must admit, I planned on writing an article about my attendance to this game in a far different light, one that would have painted it with anything but gratitude. But the more I pondered it, the more I realized there was plenty to be grateful for in the many challenges I faced while there.

Probably the biggest challenge I faced that became a blessing from attending this game was knowing I did it sober, especially in light of the number of people there who weren’t. From a present stance, being amidst so many who were pounding beer after beer and downing many of those tiny liquor bottles in the bathrooms would have once triggered me into wanting to do the same. Today, not so much, as was evident in how that was the farthest thing from my mind watching so many individuals getting plastered all around me. Getting numb by alcohol or drugs was once my only solution to attending any type of event, especially a sporting one. Nowadays though, through my 12 Step recovery work, I have learned that I can stand amongst thousands of partying people and still enjoy it, yet sober.

Another challenge I faced that became a blessing from attending this mega sporting event was how I was able to do an incredible amount of walking while there, even in the state of physical pain I was in that night. If you’ve never been to the Michigan Stadium before, fondly nicknamed The Big House, then you probably don’t know just how big the monstrosity actually is. Besides the fact that it’s the largest college stadium in the United States and seats well over 100,000 people, it’s a sheer hike just to get around it. I decided during the game that I wanted to explore the entire venue and get away from the throngs of people seated in the stands all around me, so I walked the entire circuit. It took me about 20 minutes, mostly due to the vast crowds. Add in the rather long distance we had on foot to and from where we parked, I definitely got some much-needed exercise and a wealth of gratitude that I was able to walk as much as I did.

And I mustn’t forget to mention the last challenge I faced at the game which dealt with seeing all the camaraderie and school spirit amongst all the undergrads who sat in one large section of the stadium. Back in the day, during my own college days, I rarely attended any university function, especially the biggest which were always the Division 1 hockey games. Sadly, I never went to a single one because frankly I was too focused on expanding my drinking career. I know I missed out on developing some real lasting friendships in college because of it and don’t have any memories of loud cheering and high fives with my old fellow students. So, in light of this, I had to work rather hard to find a blessing in it and what I discovered is that I was ultimately grateful for all those students there who weren’t following in my former footsteps, who weren’t sitting in dark rooms getting drunk or high while such a fantastic sporting event was going on. And just as much, it truly was a gift to share a little in that, even if it was as an adult at an alma mater that wasn’t my own.

So, in the end, while I may have struggled fiercely with remaining present at the opening Michigan game due to a number of challenges I was having that night, I found much to be grateful for and am feeling blessed now I was able to experience it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to this week’s Grateful Heart Monday, where the focus is always on a piece of gratitude from my life, which for today is for a beautiful soul named Tim A. who was a member of my AA home group that recently passed away from a long battle with pancreatic cancer.

I didn’t know Tim very well, but he did make a big impact upon my life in a very short period of time, mostly for the fact that he was a constant fighter, having lived far beyond what the doctors originally gave him for a life expectancy. And even though the terminal disease that impaired so much of Tim’s everyday living during the last few years of his life constantly seemed to take a heavy toll upon daily stamina, he never stopped giving, caring, and doing his best to practice his recovery one day at a time, to the best of his ability.

Having lived myself in chronic pain for as long as I have, I admired this part of Tim and his extreme tenacity. Frankly, he inspired me to keep going and to not let any of my unfortunate circumstances get the best of me. While I never got the chance to develop a very deep connection with Tim while we were in group together, I still felt a closeness in my heart because of the smile he put on his face more than not.

Sometimes I really find it hard to smile with how I feel inside about my life and my ongoing health issues, yet Tim overcame way more pain than I have ever faced and he did it on a daily basis more than not along with a big smile at that! In fact, every time I greeted him with his customary fist bump, his smile felt so truly genuine that I felt he was carrying his heart and unconditional love on his sleeve for me, and everyone else for that matter, to appreciate.

Another thing I truly valued about Tim was the small extra gift he always put in the collection basket each week during our AA group as it was passed around, that being a few tootsie pops for the counter of the donated money to enjoy. On some level, this strange gift may seem inconsequential to most, but to me it showed a man who was consistently kind, considerate, and thoughtful more of others than himself, even on days where most others would have found it hard to keep going.

A truly humble soul that I wished I had gotten to know much better, Tim is someone I am very much grateful for even in the briefest of times our paths intersected. He will absolutely be missed in my life and I know from many others as well, each who most certainly have their own long lists of gratitude for a man who certainly touched the lives of countless souls while he was alive.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson