Category: Grateful Heart Monday

It’s Grateful Heart Monday, where I begin my week writing about an important piece of gratitude in my life to start things off on a positive note, which for today is for how I recently handled something that could have triggered me straight back into the worst addiction I ever succumbed to.

Everyone knows how easy it is to come across explicit images on the Internet these days. It doesn’t take much to mistype the URL of a website you might normally go, one that’s definitely far from anything X-rated, when suddenly pornographic images start popping up all over your screen. To make matters worse, places like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and even Reddit seem to be allowing content these days that is NC-17 or worse. For a guy like me, someone who’s recovering from a sex and love addiction for a number of years now, it’s almost as if I have to navigate a mine field on a daily basis just to do any research on the web for my writing. Thankfully, I’ve been able to steer pretty clear from it all, because I’m no longer out there specifically looking for it and any time those images happen to pop up on my screen accidentally due to a mistype, I’m strong enough now to quickly close the window.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean there aren’t any other temptations that come my way, as one actually did a few weeks back that I never saw coming. I was having a discussion through Facebook Messenger with a friend who’s partnered that I thought was in a monogamous relationship. Quite abruptly, in the midst of a very healthy conversation, I received a picture of him with his pants down far enough to see very noticeable and rather excited genitalia showing. I was appalled and shocked to say the least, chiefly because the person is someone I was just getting to know and also someone that although I found attractive, I had been keeping very healthy recovery boundaries in place. Nevertheless, I quickly deleted the picture and was about to respond irately, when I received an apology and was told the picture had been meant for someone else he was talking to. Regrettably, the trigger was still out there and gnawing at me to engage, where my old self would have asked to see more and probably ended up in a cyber sexual conversation. But, the strength of my program and connection to my Higher Power was strong enough to accept his apology and end the conversation shortly thereafter. Later, I’d make a few phone calls to friends in recovery from this addiction to help remove any lingering unhealthy thoughts surrounding this. Ironically, a number of those I called wondered if maybe that X-rated picture wasn’t an accident and was more of a come-on.

Regardless, things like this can happen in recovery for any addiction and may set a person down a very dark road all over again if they don’t have a strong spiritual program in place. I’m grateful that I did and my sobriety and recovery is still intact. I truly feel God helped me through an incident I’m not sure I would have been able to remain sober earlier on in my sobriety from this addiction. This is why my recovery from sex and love addiction is so extremely important to me, given how much it used to control my very existence. In the end, I have much gratitude to God and all the 12 Step programs for this addiction that have helped me to build my recovery up as much as they have for me to continue remaining clean and sober, even when such a triggering event came my way.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another chapter of Grateful Heart Monday, where I begin my week reflecting on a single piece of gratitude to start things off on a positive note, which for today is for finishing an entire year of Grateful Heart Monday entries.

Exactly one year ago, I began writing under this new category in my blog to become more thankful in my life, as I had been finding it rather difficult to feel that due to all my health issues. While it’s been far easier to practice daily gratitude in my evening journal, where I write out ten sentences of things I’m appreciative of, expounding on any single one of them for an entire article proved to be way more challenging. Yet, I took that task on and kept to it for an entire year, and it indeed has helped to keep my outlook much more positive.

In my world, being grateful is sometimes extremely challenging, especially when my physical pain levels rise as high as they often do and my coinciding mental and emotional state become as frayed as it does. Thus, as I end one year of Grateful Heart Mondays and begin the next, I want to thank all the subjects of my prior entries one last time, as it was each of them that truly helped me to achieve this important feat.

So, with that, I’m ultimately grateful for my five years of nonstop blog writing, for still having my eyesight and hearing, for my dedicated and monogamous partner Chris, for never being homeless, for my continuous sobriety and recovery, for all the therapists, counselors and psychologists that have helped me along the way, for all those in customer service positions who’ve aided my many troubles, for the ManKind Project that has shown me how to be a much healthier spiritual male, for all those who’ve braved that step in walking out of a closet that’s helped many others including me, for all the pets who’ve helped their many owners especially my cats Driggs and Smokey, for the awesome beauty I’ve seen throughout the changes of seasons and weather, for all the movies I went to that were such a healthy outlet and much-needed reprieve, for the character Bonnie in “Mom” who has taught me a lot through her role in the show, for the spiritual journey I’ve had with God since the beginning, for my sister Laura who has always stood by my side and never given up on me, for each of my sponsees that have believed in me and blossomed from the work we’ve done together, for my spiritual teacher Manin who taught me quite beautifully much of what’s kept me going in all this darkness, for always maintaining my honesty and integrity no matter what, for being true to my sexuality even in the face of adversity, for Bobby Beans my dear friend who’s since passed on that kept me sane in early recovery, for my 46^thbirthday and 23 years of sobriety that were two things I never thought I’d ever make it to, for Cedric my best friend in the world who keeps on demonstrating what unconditional love looks like, for my parents Pamela and Lew who helped me learn so many valuable spiritual lessons, for all those from the Massachusetts 12-Step recovery community who constantly gave me a reason to keep going and helped me to truly see that recovering light, for a friend’s daughter who had a God-encounter that reminded me when I most needed it that God is still around, for the much-appreciated lessons I learned through an Ann Arbor men’s spiritual group I once was a part of, for all the fun I had playing plenty of games of mini-golf with so many different friends, for having learned how to be ok with spending time with just myself, for a boat ride to and from a small island named Put-In-Bay that felt totally protected by God, for a woman named Jean-Marie who took the time to provide me a much-needed reminder that the words in my blogs really do help others, for Jeff Foster, a writer that provided some great insight about healing and pain, for all those who haven’t offered me advice surrounding my health and instead held space and showed deep compassion, for Jesus Christ and his teachings that continue to help me keep moving forward with love and light, for my first sponsor Lorraine who taught me everything I know in 12-Step recovery, for a random guy in AA who was once assigned to my probation in college that forever shifted my course in life for the better, for Randy who never stopped loving me even when I really didn’t deserve it, for a television show named God Friended Me that always seems to uplift me week after week, for the unconditional love and acceptance I’ve received since day one from my AA home group Perrysburg Staying Sober, for my 2007 Toyota Camry Hybrid that has kept running and become such a priceless vehicle to me in so many ways, for a fun day trip to Cedar Point that was my first amusement park visit in over eight years, for a place I volunteer at named Rescue Crisis that has given me a huge purpose to keep helping others, for a perfect weather Halloween that had a crackling fire and tons of trick-or-treaters, for the life I’ve been given even through all its ups and downs, for all the kindness and trustworthiness I received from the Alexis Road Tireman store and Jim White Toyota, for Merle’s holiday party where I received love and acceptance from a former AA group I once attended, for a laptop I was freely given by Michael during a time of great need, for the loving connection I had visiting my sister’s family over Christmas, for completing a 2-day fast that opened my heart to greater compassion for those still starving on this planet, and for my Grandmother’s Elsa and Kathleen who were two wonderful women that shaped so much of my life for the better.

I thank God for each of these things, as they’ve filled my entries from one week to the next with all the love they truly deserved and I thank each of you as well, for continuing to take this grateful journey along with me. May Grateful Heart Monday become a thing for each of you moving forward, as it will aid your spiritual journeys in life like I know it has definitely done for mine…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday where I reflect each week upon a piece of gratitude to start my week off on a positive note, which for today is dedicated to my Grandmother’s Elsa and Kathleen, two women who left me plenty of wonderful memories.

My two Grandmothers couldn’t have been any more different. With my Mother’s mother Kathleen, she was super-athletic and someone who had incredible energy all the time. She really was quite the boisterous one as well. I fondly remember her always able to hold her two fingers in her mouth and whistle so loud it made my ears hurt. It was her special call to get me to come home whenever I was visiting her home in Houston, Texas. She loved bowling, golf, basketball, baseball and more and would engage in each of those sports with me when I was a young kid. With my parents not being overly athletic, it was nice having a family member who would do things like shoot some hoops with me. My Grandmother also had an infectious laugh that would light up any room and I honestly can’t remember a time when she wasn’t smiling and happy. I loved spending time with her at her house on Lake Houston, where she’d tell stories, catch up with the latest sports news, and do Jumble puzzles with me.

Ironically, my Father’s mother Elsa was almost the total opposite of her though. Reserved, elegant, and deeply intuitive, most of my time with her was spent introspectively. We often talked current events while enjoying homemade popovers and oatmeal every morning whenever I visited her home in Glen Cove, NY. She made the best Thanksgiving dinners too and I loved sitting at any table with her while eating my meals because she always had so many interesting things to talk about during them. She was ultimately someone who brought out my intellect in many ways, including taking me to theater, exposing me to the arts, and dining out at a number of fancy restaurants. I mustn’t forget our many visits to her local beach on the Long Island Sound and teaching me a number of card games as well. But I do need to give her credit to the one athletic thing she did do that seemed almost contrary to her personality, that being her ability to play ping-pong. She was pretty fierce whenever we’d play and she taught me every trick in the game.

So, as you can see, I have a lot to be grateful for when it comes to my Grandmothers because each helped me to become much of who I am today. Truthfully, I sometimes think I miss them more than my own parents because I never experienced any major drama with either of them and they always saw the best in me, rather than constantly telling me I could do better. Kathleen was my sports fan and an avid supporter of my talent in swimming and basketball, while Elsa was there for my scholastic achievements. While I know my parents were proud of me in their own way and did the best they could, it’s my Grandmothers who constantly made sure to remind me whenever I was with them how special I was. That’s probably why my visits to both of their homes over the years are some of my best memories in life thus far. They certainly left me a legacy of warm love and memories that still to this day, decades after their deaths, I can remember fondly and for that I am truly grateful for them both…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson