Category: Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another chapter of Grateful Heart Monday, where I begin my week writing about a piece of gratitude I have from my life, which for today is for my home group in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), the Perrysburg Staying Sober Group.

One of the main things that is continually stressed throughout any program of recovery from an addiction is to find a home group and get active there. The main reason for this is that having a meeting you return to week after week, and taking on some responsibility there, helps to keep the focus on recovery and off of one’s addiction. It aids in feeling supported and tends to increase one’s sense of connection versus the isolation that living a life of addiction tends to lead to.

Over the years, I’ve been a member of quite a number of AA groups in each of the prior places I’ve lived in. Each provided me much growth in my recovery and helped to learn a lot more about myself and what I needed out of a group to remain sober. When I moved to Toledo though, I struggled to find one that truly worked for me. The first one I joined was an early morning daily meeting that accepted me until I eventually came out of the closet to them, after which I received considerable rejection. The second one I became a part of was gay-based and met on Sunday evenings, which helped a lot after receiving those rejections, but sadly, some tensions that were regularly going on amongst a few members began to drain me. I soon left there as well and joined a group that met daily at noon. At first it was a great fit for me, but when my health issues grew worse, it became harder and harder for me to make it there and in all honestly, I also struggled immensely with a regular trait of that meeting that other meetings didn’t allow, which was cross-talking (interrupting someone’s sharing or directly providing them guidance or advice). So, I began to look yet again for another home group, which led to a small town outside Toledo named Perrysburg. There, on a Sunday night in September of 2015, I walked into the Perrysburg Staying Sober meeting where I was immediately and quite warmly greeted by both a guy name Mike and a woman named Barb. And because of that, I decided to join the group shortly thereafter.

Three years later, I’m still a member there and have plenty to be grateful for when it comes to them. I’ve never been judged for my sexuality and my partner has been warmly accepted by them as well. Thankfully, the group has been drama-free and has done a superb job helping to lift me up when I’m hurting and feeling down. I’ve become the chip guy there who hands out the tokens of sobriety under one year and medallions of over a year, and have come to really like this job, as it’s given me the ability to help lift other’s spirits in the process. We’ve had some good fellowshipping too with each other over potlucks and meals dined out and I’ve developed a good coffee relationship with one of its members who meets with me before most of the meetings. One thing I really like in this group is how much people seem to want to help out. There’s a guy who buys fresh fruit and provides it each week as a giveaway. There’s another who always arrives early to set up. And everyone else generally likes to lend a helping hand wherever needed. But, if there’s one thing that I’m exceptionally grateful for when it comes to the Perrysburg Staying Sober group, it’s that I feel like I come home to a family each time I attend that meeting. Every Sunday night when I walk in those doors, I feel the warmth coming from the rest of the members and truly feel appreciated and loved. There hasn’t been a meeting yet with this group where I’ve left feeling alone or that I didn’t matter. Rather, I tend to always be in better spirits on my drive home and I attribute that to the family I feel we’ve all become. This group supports each other and helps to show that each of its members are important and that is precisely why I’m starting this week out with a slice of gratitude for the Perrysburg Staying Sober group.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where my writing begins for the week with a piece of gratitude to express, which for today is for a new show on CBS named “God Friended Me”.

Airing on Sunday nights at 8pm, the show revolves around a proclaimed atheist named Miles Finer (Brandon Michael Hall) who suddenly receives a friend request on Facebook from someone named “God”. After repeatedly declining the friend request, Miles eventually accepts it, only to immediately receive a friend suggestion from “God”. After initially shrugging it off, a person abruptly bumps into him on the street, at which point Miles quickly realizes it’s the very same individual from the friend suggestion. He then witnesses the guy get dumped by his girlfriend in the middle of the road, which prompts him to follow the guy from a safe distance when he descends into the nearby subway. But, when he sees the guy is about to jump in front of an incoming train, Miles runs into grab him, narrowly pulling him back just in time, and saves his life. Is it just a coincidence? Is someone trying to convince him that God is real? Or is this really God working through Miles? As the show continues to unfold, it’s these very answers that Miles aims to get.

Why I’m grateful for a show like this, is quite simple really. My own faith has been dwindling as of late. I have questioned the very spiritual beliefs I grew up with and sometimes feel as if I’m on the fence of agnosticism and atheism versus a person who truly lives by faith and has an absolute belief in God. All of that of course is related to the long duration of pain and suffering I’ve been going through for years now, where joy has been hard to experience and despair has been more of my constant companion. Thus, watching a show that uplifts my spirit and helps me to have a little more faith and belief in God is extremely important to me right now. Add in the fact that there are too many television series right now that continue to glorify the madness going on in the real world with guns and violence and terrible acts of anger and revenge, I find that a show like “God Friended Me” is a much-welcomed relief.

Sadly, many shows like this have come and gone and never lasted for very long like “Joan of Arcadia”, “Wonderfalls”, “Eli Stone”, and most recently “Kevin Probably Saves the World”. Each were shows that I couldn’t wait to watch the next episode and many-a-times I found myself crying, praying, and talking to God during it. Frankly, in my opinion, we all need more uplifting shows like them and like “God Friended Me” these days. People are losing hope left and right and turning to the world for answers, which is only leading to greater darkness, pain, and suffering in the long run. Agnosticism and atheism is on the rise and I find myself fighting the urge to give up on God every, single, day as of late. Living with high levels of pain sucks, and if something as simple as a television show about a guy finding faith in God again can change my own stance, that’s absolutely something to be grateful for.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where my week of writing begins with a single piece of gratitude for someone or something that has truly touched my life, which for today is for a guy named Randy Anderson.

Before I talk specifically about why I’m grateful for this person, I must first begin with an amends. You see, I wasn’t a kind person to Randy when he was actively a part of my life between 2007 and 2012. Sadly, I was more consumed during the majority of that period of time with how he could console me through all my addiction-based tendencies, rather than see him as someone who was filled with nothing but a kind, caring, and giving heart.

Randy was a loyal friend, someone who could light up the room with his many acts of kindness. Someone who made a difference in just being himself. But, I couldn’t ever see that because I was so wrapped up in a sex and love addiction that plagued my entire existence. I only saw Randy through my disease’s filters and failed to see the love of God constantly working within and through him. I became verbally abusive, demeaning, and made fun of Randy more than not during the majority of our time together, all because I was totally afraid of how much I had let him in.

Why was I so afraid of that? Because the majority of my life was always filled with abusive relationships and friendships, with individuals I had to chase after to get even a twinge of love, but Randy wasn’t one of them and that scared the crap out of me. That was so unfamiliar to me and being caught up as deeply as I was in that sex and love addiction prevented me from ever seeing his true gold. Instead, I became fully blinded from seeing any good in him and instead, I lashed out and hurt him again and again and again. I eventually wounded him so much so, near the end of January in 2012, that I placed the final nail in the coffin with our friendship. When I began this blog a year later, even though I had gotten sober from that addiction, I still wasn’t able to see Randy in his purest form and wrote about him in this blog in a very negative light. I was wrong for that and have lived with sadness over it ever since.

Because Randy is someone that never deserved that and never deserved to be treated the way I treated him. Randy is someone you’d actually want as a friend. He’s that type of guy who knows just what to say or not to say to offer comfort when you really need it. He’s that type of guy who buys a gift just to brighten your day and just because. He’s that type of guy that opens his door and allows you to crash at his place just so you don’t feel so dam alone in a world filled with so much aloneness. He’s that type of guy who would delicately prepare a home-cooked meal just to bring a smile to your face and a little warmth to your soul. He’s that type of guy who would show you what true loyalty and integrity means in a friendship. He’s that type of guy who would fully accept you, warts and all. And he’s that type of guy who would never abandon you, no matter what.

Sadly, I know it was my toxic state that led to our friendship becoming toxic and ultimately, its demise and there hasn’t been a single week since we parted ways, that I haven’t thought about him. The more I’ve worked through my addiction-laden life, the more I’ve been able to see him in such a different light. One that has helped me to clearly see that God put him in my life back then to help me learn quite a bit about myself and to spiritually grow. Much of my interest in crystals, holistic healing, and in the etheric evolved because of Randy. He had such a gift with pendulums and often used it to help me through some pretty dark times. He also supported me in every bit of my new-age healing journeys, and, of course, it was his constant acts of unconditional love that helped me to eventually learn to embrace that in future connections with others.

What Randy never knew back then and probably still doesn’t know to this day, is that I never stopped loving and caring about him in my heart. For the many times he helped to pick up the pieces of my life, especially when all my health issues began, and for answering the one and only call I made in the middle of one night back in 2011 and knowing just what to say, when I was attempting to kill myself in a running car, in a closed storage unit, it’s reasons like this that fill me with plenty of gratitude for Randy.

My sister informed me recently that Randy has found a partner now and is living in Arizona these days and for that I’m extremely happy for him. I know he’ll make a fantastic husband and with his childlike sense of humor and unique ability to explore the world for all it has to offer, I’m sure he’ll bring many blessings and smiles to that relationship.

Nevertheless, if you should ever read this Randy, know I’m truly sorry for how I treated you for the majority of the time God had our lives intersect with each other. I always put myself first back then, and everyone else, including you, second, and frankly, you deserved to be treated far better than that. I’m happy to know that someone out there in Arizona may well be doing that very thing for you these days. May your relationship be blessed by the light of God and may you know that I am truly grateful for you, and love you brother, and always will.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson