Category: Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another entry of Grateful Heart Monday, where I express a piece of gratitude to begin my week on a positive note, which for today is for a guy in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) who was assigned to meet with me due to my excessive binge drinking, back when I was put on academic probation during my college years.

The year was 1994, and I was a senior at Rochester Institute of Technology, studying to get my Bachelor of Science in Business Information Systems. I was a good student, but a terrible drinker. Alcoholic to the very core, yet unbeknownst to me at the time, I continued to drink to excess on just about every night of the week. That is until I got into some serious trouble on campus one evening and was put on academic probation with a few stipulations that had to be met if I wanted to remain a student there.

The one stipulation that bothered me the most was the one I’m actually most grateful for today, yet back then I didn’t see it that way. The idea that I had to sit down and meet with a representative from AA for three several hour-long visits, felt totally absurd. My mind rationalized that everybody drank like me and I had plenty of examples of that in my fraternity to cite out. Everybody got drunk, pretty much all the time when alcohol was around, and that was exactly what I told this AA individual in each of his visits.

Yet, this man never batted an eye, never made me feel less than, never told me I was an alcoholic, or accused me of anything. He only did what Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith began such a long time ago when AA was founded, by sitting with me, and sharing his own story of alcoholism and asking if I thought I might have a problem. While I repeatedly denied that I did in each of his visits, what this man shared with me sat with me quite deeply, even long after his visits had been completed.

I’m not sure I ever actually drank in the same way again after that, as his words, his kindness, and his unconditional love and desire to help another suffering individual remained with me in every single drunken binge until June 10^thof 1995, when I took my very last drink and admitted to myself that I had a problem and was indeed an alcoholic just like him.

I wanted so badly to contact this man at that point to let him know what I had discovered about myself. Unfortunately, other than the image of his face being the only thing I could remember about him and the alcohol and drug representative not having a way to contact him anymore either, I assumed I wasn’t meant to see connect with him again.

Ironically though, God in all His profound ways, saw fit to bring the two of us together one final time and by chance at that. On a random trip about six months later, my mother and I were in the middle of Texas, heading to Austin, when I asked to stop at a grocery store to get something to drink before we continued on our way. There at the entrance, as I walked in, was the very AA guy who had sat with me almost two years prior, who had given me his life story and all his humility in the process.

I knew God put him there at that very moment for one reason and one reason only, and that was for me to thank him for his words that he had imparted upon me several years prior. We embraced while I thanked him for being a conduit for God and for getting me on a Higher Path, one that I’m not sure I would have ever found if it hadn’t been for him.

I’m still sober today and while I don’t even remember this AA guy’s face anymore, his spiritual presence, unconditional love, and genuine light continues to live within me, as I now carry the same torch that he did, doing my best to pass on my experience, strength, and hope to others who may be suffering, just like I once was. And for that I’m truly grateful for a guy God put in my life to help me begin my path to sobriety and eventually recovery…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another chapter of Grateful Heart Monday, where I begin each week with a piece of gratitude to start things off on a positive note, which for today is dedicated to a woman named Lorraine who was my first sponsor in the rooms of recovery.

Many years ago, in September of 2007, I walked into my first recovery meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous on a Friday night and was a total nervous wreck. My life at that point was riddled with addictions and had been for years. I was regularly plagued at that time with waves of self-pity, anger, and despair, all because I had never worked on what caused me to be an addict in the first place. At the end of that meeting, a 60-something woman approached me and said she’d be willing to sponsor me through the 12 Steps if I wanted that, but that I must be willing to do the work. She introduced herself as Lorraine and while much shorter than I, she still commanded a very strong presence.

I immediately was drawn to her, mostly because of the energy she carried. Warm and inviting, yet stern and serious when necessary, Lorraine had the energy of an incredible teacher. Over the course of a year and a half that followed from the night she introduced herself to me, I would meet with Lorraine on a weekly basis and was taken through the 12 Steps by her. While it was exhausting and extremely overwhelming at times in the amount of pain I went through in that 12 Step work, Lorraine always seemed to know just what to say to help keep me going and not give up.

On some level, she was the unconditionally loving mother I never had and she taught me the many principles a mother usually teachers their child. I grew to respect Lorraine in plenty of ways and it was because of her that I found a deeper relationship to God. In the beginning of my work with her, I really struggled with God and felt God was angry with me, as much as I was angry with God, all because I had done many terrible things and felt that God was punishing me for it. But Lorraine gently said very early on, “Andrew, can you believe that I believe in an all-loving God who always loved you through everything and forgave you for your selfish actions long ago?” Ironically, I could. It was far easier to do that and believe that she believed, since I couldn’t initially do it for myself. Yet one day eventually, through all that 12 Step work I did with her, I found my own belief in an all-loving God.

Something else Lorraine also taught me was how to take ownership of each of my resentments in life. And she showed me how every one of them was always the result of my own selfishness, self-seeking behaviors, dishonesty, and fear. Learning that profoundly changed my spiritual path and empowered me to see things differently whenever I got irritated at someone else. These days, I immediately look in the mirror at myself whenever I find myself growing resentful and that is solely because of what she first taught me.

Another very important thing that Lorraine taught me was the importance in forgiving others and making amends where I caused harm. You see, I used to hold on to huge grudges towards anyone who ever hurt me and rarely made amends to anyone I harmed either, unless I still wanted something from them. But with Lorraine’s guidance, I saw how spiritually toxic those actions and learned how important forgiveness was no matter how much pain was ever inflicted upon me and learned as well how to make a selfless amends where the only thing I might ever get out of it was the satisfaction of seeing someone else find healing from the damage I once caused them.

The fact is, my entire recovery program today is all because of what Lorraine first taught me and for that I have an immense amount of gratitude. I am so thankful that God brought her into my life back in the fall of 2007, as I’m not sure I’d have the depth of recovery program I have today or even the discipline I have to serving God without her initial help in the rooms of recovery.

Sadly, Lorraine was murdered a few years after I completed my 12 Step work with her in a very tragic event that involved the lover of another one of her sponsee’s. Her death hit me hard and to this day I find myself still missing her incredibly. She was such a beautiful woman with an infectious personality that pretty much always looked for the good in everything and everybody. She saw God in everything and everybody as well and taught me how to do the same.

My spiritual path was forever changed for the better all because of a woman named Lorraine, and for that I’m able to begin this week with another enormous amount of gratitude for a woman who not only changed my life in a very positive way, but also the lives of plenty of others as well…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where I begin my week expressing a piece of gratitude I have for something that has touched my life, which for today is for Christ.

For those who know me, I’m not a religious person and don’t attend any church. Yet that doesn’t stop me from really appreciating the legacy Christ left behind over 2000 years ago. While the stories of Christ in the Bible may or may not be completely factual, if there is one thing I do believe and have gratitude for when it comes to Christ, it’s the principle of unconditional love that He demonstrated time and time and time again, even in the face of adversity.

From all the things I’ve read in my spiritual studies, Christ was definitely a man who cared about everybody and everything. He always looked for the good in anyone he met, even those that were considered outcasts in society or sinners at best. And he forgave anyone for their past transgressions, no matter what, which is something that has always inspired me to do the same.

There are plenty of stories about Christ that have moved me greatly, but the one that stands out the most with me lately is about the woman who simply clawed as his robe from the ground, desperately trying to seek healing for a bleeding condition that had plagued her for many, many years. She received healing that day from Christ and was freed from something that had been incredibly painful to live with.

I think about this a lot when it comes to my own health issues these days and often picture myself doing the same as her by reaching out and clawing for a mere touch of Christ’s clothes. As I believe that even in the face of all the pain and damage I caused so many in this life, that I too would receive healing from that action and after I did, that Christ would deeply embrace me, letting me know I’ve always been unconditionally loved by Him and God.

You see it’s all those stories of Christ going against the tide by lovingly engaging with every walk of life, even those that were considered blasphemy at the time, that has filled me with gratitude. Nowadays, I find it hard-pressed to see anyone offering acts of unconditional love, especially people who are ultra-conservative.

In the eyes of many of those people, I’m a total sinner, because I’m a gay man living in a gay relationship. The mere act of being with my partner is blasphemy to them and yet, I know deep down somehow that Christ would be ok with it because not only was I created in the image of God, I also do my best every day to monogamously love my partner heart, mind, and soul, which is at the core of Christ’s very teachings.

Nevertheless, I strive to be like Christ and although I fail again and again and know I have a long way to go to ever be like Him, I fully believe that Christ still loves me like a son and for that, I’m truly thankful, which is why I’m choosing to begin this week with gratitude for a man who continues to touch my life, even from over 2000 years ago…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson