Category: Healing From Chronic Pain And Illness

Every now and then I come across a great parable that truly touches my life. The following is one of them, of which I found long ago when I was hoping to inspire my mother who was going through a rough period in her life. Ironically, this parable resurfaced recently when my sister visited and pulled out one of my bibles from my bookshelf that I hadn’t opened for a very long time. It was my mother’s bible and within it was the email I sent of this parable to her almost two decades ago now. The parable is titled “Things Aren’t Always What They Seem” and I feel it definitely applies to the many hardships I’ve been facing myself over the past bunch of years. My only prayer is that each of you will enjoy its message as much as I have and still do.

Two travelling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angles stay in their mansion’s guest room. Instead, the angels were given a space in their cold basement. As they made their bed on a very hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angle asked why, the older angel replied, “Things aren’t always what they seem.”

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but quite hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had, the couple let the angels sleep in their bed so that they could have a good night’s rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angles found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole source of income, now lay dead in the field. The younger angel was confused and asked the older angel, “How could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him,” she accused. “The second family had little, but was willing to share everything, and yet you let their only cow die.” “Things aren’t always what they seem,” the older angel replied.

“When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so that he would never find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmer’s bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren’t always what they seem,” the older angel said humbly.

Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don’t turn out the way we think they should. But if we have faith, we just need to trust that every outcome in our life is always to our advantage. And while we may not know that at the time it happens, one day it will make sense. Until then, just keep your faith and remember that “Things aren’t always what they seem…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I had a dream the other night where my partner and I were heading up to the roof of a building and were about to board a very crowded elevator to get there. But instead of stepping onto that elevator, I told my partner I’d meet him at the top and was going to take the stairwell because I was sure it was going to be much faster. I then sprinted as fast as I could up a bunch of flights of stairs and when I reached the top, I discovered there wasn’t any access to the roof! At which point I then had to go back down and take the elevator anyway! When I finally reached the roof, the time it took to get there was far longer than what originally would have happened if I had just boarded that very crowded elevator in the first place.

After pondering this dream the next day upon waking, I realized there was a pretty strong message in it for me about control that I know my Spirit was attempting to communicate. The simplest way I can explain this is that there are a number of things going on in my life right now that are ultimately out of my control, yet I still constantly look for faster ways to get them resolved.

The state of my health, a totally reseeded yard, a blog that has been having some operational issues, and a relationship that has some serious kinks to work out have all been those things that have been out of my control. While I am doing the best I can with each to achieve my end desire, I often still look for those alternative stairwells to run up as fast as I can to reach the top. Yet every time I have, I’ve been faced with the same result when I get there, that there is no access to complete the journey.

You see that’s the lesson right there I continue to face in life. That there are plenty of things on a spiritual journey that can’t be pushed along, that can’t be rushed, and that any short-cuts found will only in the end take much longer than needed.

So at the present, while I am doing my best to stay healthy, while I am watering my yard every day, while I am doing the work-arounds needed on my blog to keep it going, and while I am doing my best to treat my partner with the unconditional love he deserves, actually getting healthier, seeing a fully grown lawn, having my articles publish correctly when I schedule them, and being in a stable relationship is going to take time. Time that I can’t rush. Time that I can’t push along any quicker. Time that occasionally means riding in those very crowded elevators instead of racing up a stairwell.

Thus I’m thankful for my Spirit providing me with a dream of something I might have already known on some level, but still needed that gentle nudge in my sleep as a reinforced reminder…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Lately, I really seem to be experiencing something that’s called the “dark night of the soul”. Ever since my spiritual teacher asked me back in May to start working on healing myself without her help, I’ve found myself struggling immensely. The truth is I’m so used to someone regularly holding my hand and telling me it’s going to be ok. So now I frequently just feel quite lonely, lost, and confused because I don’t have anyone doing that on a consistent basis. But even harder to deal with than that is the reality I haven’t had any clear answers to any of my prayers about my health as of late either. It’s almost as if I’m wandering in a desert crying out to God and hearing and seeing nothing.

That’s why I have to say this is probably the most challenging place I’ve ever been in throughout my entire life. It’s far more overwhelming than even when my father killed himself or when my mom fell down the stairs drunk and died with a broken neck. It’s more difficult than all the days I engaged in any of my addictions as well. Because what I feel more than not on most days is a large amount of emptiness and a void within me.

It’s been so frustrating that even when I’ve been in social situations recently, I’ve had to place a smile on my face as best as I can, all the while I cry within. The only thing I truly desire in life is to feel God’s peace and joy within me, but as the days continue to pass by one after another, with my body aching, with my mental and emotional state feeling frazzled, and with no real sense of whether God wants me do something different, I’m left feeling nothing but this “dark night of the soul”.

Does God truly exist?

Is anyone really hearing and answering my prayers?

Were all the signs I thought I received over the past few years just mere coincidences?

Of course these questions are coming from my ego because I know what it ultimately wants. It wants me to give up and return to any one of a number of former addictions so that I may receive some temporary ease and comfort. But I know where each of those will eventually take me, so I find myself in a quandary. I can stay on the path I’m on, with blind faith, trusting that God does exist and is with me right here, even as I write this entry. Or, I can give up and check out early like my father did or do it more slowly by sabotaging my sobriety like my mother did.

Thankfully though, there are people in my life like my friend Steve who remind me late at night when I get into thinking like this why I need to keep going, to keep seeking the light. And thankfully there are people like my sister Laura, my friend Cedric, and my partner Chris who continue to believe in me no matter what, as sometimes it’s their reassurances that have helped me to make it beyond another day of this.

So God, while I may be experiencing this “dark night of the soul” these past few months that has surpassed a level of emptiness I’ve never felt before, I want You to know that somewhere within me, deep within me, I still believe. I still believe in You. And while I long to come home and be one with You again, I trust that You still have a purpose for me here on Earth so I wait. I wait expectedly, lovingly, and trustingly. I wait on you for a brighter day to come, one where I will truly know your joy and peace as I have never known before. I love You God.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson