Category: Healing From Chronic Pain And Illness

It’s been over four years now since I began working on healing myself holistically. I can’t say it’s been an easy ride as there have been plenty of days like today when I question whether I’ve made any progress at all. But there’s one thing I feel that’s kept me going through all of them, and that’s my belief that I have a greater calling for this life.

As a kid, I used to wish my greater calling would be that I could heal other people from their physical handicaps. Back then when I saw anyone who was missing a limb, paralyzed, or dealing with some other type of disability, I always imagined how wonderful it would be to heal him or her with simply a touch. Part of that desire probably stemmed from the many faith-based healing services I used to attend with my father.

But sadly as I grew older, I got sidetracked into a vast array of addictions from alcohol and drugs, to sex, and to just about everything else. During those addiction-fueled years, I stopped thinking about what my greater calling was and instead focused on my selfish desires to use some type of physical thing in this world for comfort. I watched as my compassion disappeared for those who were suffering in this world and I saw how I didn’t care anymore about looking for my calling at all. But, that all began to change for me though just over four years ago now.

You see it was in 2010 that I started realizing I had spent the majority of this life getting caught up in the dead-end paths that my addictions led me into. I also had discovered that no matter how much stuff I had in life that it never was going to bring me the long-lasting happiness, peace, and love I really desired. All of it reduced me one day into a torrent of tears where I got on my knees and begged Whomever was out there to guide me out of the mess I had placed myself in for years. I blindly asked the Universe to help me get back on the path that would lead me to whatever my greater calling was supposed to be for this lifetime. Soon after that prayer, I developed a lot of physical, mental, and emotional health issues that science and medicine provided me no answers or relief for.

Since then, I have become able to think so much more clearly and my emotions are a lot more stable then they ever used to be. What hasn’t changed YET is my physical health as I still am having extremely difficult days with it, such as today. But what keeps me going and what I still believe inside is that my Higher Guidance has a plan that’s so much bigger than what my brain could ever have imagined for me. I only pray and hope that every part of my essence and being will continue receiving the strength and guidance needed to get me there. While I don’t know whether my greater calling will eventually be what I always imagined as a kid or not, I do know that I’m doing my best today to just trust that my Higher Guidance will lead me to whatever it is.

I truly believe all of us have a greater calling in this world, but unfortunately, so many of us get lost along the way from pursuing it. We end up allowing things such as addictions, money, and power to derail us from the pursuit of it. Thankfully that’s not the case for me anymore. The only thing I’m pursuing these days is my greater calling. And I know what is sustaining me on days like today when my physical pain is so great is my faith that I actually have a greater calling at all. Please God continue to guide me in that direction and thank You for when the day arrives when I am free of all this pain…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

It’s my last day as a resident in Massachusetts. Hopefully in less than 12 hours I’ll be getting on the highway with my closest friend driving my Penske rental truck and me following closely behind in my Camry Hybrid. While I can definitely say I’m feeling a sense of relief that this day has finally arrived, there’s also a strong part of me feeling a lot of fear as well. That’s only because I have no idea what my future holds in the city I’m moving to and truthfully, I believe I’m taking a complete spiritual leap of faith heading there.

Life is really all about choices and sometimes I just wish God would make some of them for me. But more than not, God has presented me with options throughout it where choosing any one of them has often been very difficult. My move today is actually one of them. As I head to my new home in Toledo, OH to live with my partner of now two years, I have more questions for God than any answers I’ve been receiving.

I promised myself twenty-four months ago when I met my partner online that I would take the relationship with him slower than ever before. As we grew closer together month after month, merging our lives together slowly but surely, I was constantly avoiding having the conversation with him about living together.

Frankly, I’ve been quite comfortable remaining in Massachusetts for the past six and a half years because it’s where I began my real recovery from an addiction-prone life. It’s also where my closest friend of almost seventeen years has lived, where I’ve had free state health care and government assistance given my unemployment status, where I’ve found holistic practitioners who have continued to help me on my spiritual path to heal my mind, body, and soul, and where I’ve made connections to many people who I know have truly cared about me. But unfortunately, Massachusetts is not the area where my partner lives or where his place of employment is situated. I always knew that if our relationship lasted, I might have to go outside my comfort zone and move once again in my life.

Up until now, I’ve moved quite a bit and have lived in the following cities over the years in this order: Poughkeepsie NY, Rochester NY, Fairfax VA, Falls Church VA, Rockland MA, Falls Church VA (again), Chincoteague VA, Berlin MA, Brockton MA, South Weymouth MA, and East Weymouth MA. Moving again and again to each of these places became exhausting. I attempted to make geographical cures with so many of those moves. That is why I promised myself this time around that I’d take things much slower with my current partner. The last thing I wanted to do is make another quick one of those again as those geographical cures never worked. Also, I kept telling God that I wouldn’t move until my physical pain levels dropped significantly. Somewhere along the lines though, a voice kept getting louder inside telling me it was time to move on.

Then came the day where I discovered my partner had cheated on me during a self-sabotage attempt, as he believed I was never going to move there at all. Since that occurred, I also noticed my pain levels weren’t lowering either, which started causing me great doubt and resistance to moving again. That was until one of my spiritual teachers told me something rather profound.

“What if things aren’t going to get better in your life, including your relationship or your pain levels, until you take a leap of faith and move in with your partner?”

I was completely dumbfounded when I thought about the statement, except I felt on some level there might be great truth to it. There have been many times in my life where I’ve had to take a leap of faith not knowing what was on the other side. When I did, God always caught me, so why should this be any different? That’s when I gave my landlord a two-month notice back at the end of November last year. Doing that much was easy though, because a part of me believed that maybe now God would start lowering my pain levels. Well as of the time of me writing this, it hasn’t happened yet and I’m a little scared.

So I honestly don’t know what’s in store for me in Toledo, OH, but I do trust that God has a wonderful plan in store for me there that I’m just not able to see yet. Regardless, I am grateful to God for all the spiritual lessons I learned during my entire stay here in Massachusetts. And as I take the final step of my spiritual leap of faith in just a little while from now, I’ll be sending my love to all the people I’ve known here in Massachusetts, as each of you helped me in your own way to grow into the spiritual person I am today.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

My spiritual teacher always tells me I’m not supposed to compare myself to anyone else’s journey in life. In all honesty, I struggle with this principle immensely. Often I find myself doing exactly the opposite by looking at others who seem very happy and appear to be making great spiritual achievements in their life. Unfortunately, all it’s done to me when I do this is bring about feelings of disappointment and doubt about my own journey. But given the state I’ve been in for the last few years, it’s been a constant battle to refrain myself from still doing it.

These past few years have been incredibly difficult because of all the physical pain I’ve had to deal with and endure. Truthfully, it’s taken just about every ounce of my energy to make it through each day most of the time. What has solely kept me going is the belief that I’ve been purging all the old sludge and darkness from my entire being so that I can reach the other side of this healing process where many amazing spiritual gifts will start materializing from within me. But so far I haven’t seen any of this come to pass yet. Unfortunately, that’s led me all too frequently to a place where I find myself looking at others who I perceive are making much greater spiritual strides in their own lives.

I recently did this very thing by comparing myself to a former friend of mine. Six years ago when we met, he was drawn to my low level understanding about spiritual and metaphysical healing. Sadly, I would go on to spend the next four years after this living out the end of my addictive ways while he went on to study one healing modality after another. Zoom forward another two years to the present, and a quick glance on his website would show an incredible amount of achievements the guy has made to becoming a pretty well-rounded metaphysical healer in life. If I had to associate a feeling to what I felt inside after seeing his growth, it would probably be jealousy.

Jealousy isn’t a good emotion to have at all. In fact I know it’s a very negative behavior. But I’m finding it extremely challenging to not covet what my former friend has done in his life, especially given it’s what I’ve always envisioned for myself. The problem is that my current state of health is preventing me from getting there at the present time and I’m unbearably sad about this. I have worked most likely the hardest I ever have in my life these past few years to clean my act up, to dedicate my life to Source, and to heal myself from all the damage I created within. Yet, on most days, it’s been a challenge to do just about anything, even doing the most basic of necessities.

I keep trying to tell myself I’m almost there, that my pain levels are going to be reducing imminently. But as the days pass when nothing feels to be moving in that direction, I end up doing the exact thing my spiritual teacher tells me not to do. I end up comparing myself to those who are doing all the things that I want to be doing, like my former friend is. In doing so, I only end up being jealous, coveting what he or anyone else has, and bringing more despair upon my entire being. Thus I can see why my spiritual teacher has consistently told me not to compare myself to anyone else’s journey in life. The end result is always the same, as it leaves me in an even greater state of doubt and despair.

I know my faith is seriously being tested lately through all of this and so is my patience. I certainly hope that there’s a lot more to the rest of life than enduring physical pain and writing about it in my blog. But in the meantime, I’m going to do my best to not compare myself to anyone else’s journey in life. Instead I pray to God to help me believe that I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to be doing right now in my life and that a clearing is on the horizon. As it’s my hope that on that horizon, I will become a beacon of hope, healing, love, and light for all of God’s children…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson