Category: Recovery From Addictions

There was a time many years ago, when I had to have the latest and greatest of everything. It really never mattered to me what they were, I just wanted them because I thought they would make me feel better. And each time I got any one of them, it always became my best friend for awhile. But in every single case, the moment came when it no longer made me feel better, and I started looking for another one to replace it. A friend of mine in recovery often refers to this condition in life as “Seeking Those Shiny Things”.

Many people who have battled one addiction in their life and found recovery from it, often find themselves only falling into another one down the road.  I’ve watched people find their recovery from alcohol and drugs just to see them replacing it with something else such as sex, cigarettes or caffeine. There are others who I know of that were once addicted to sex or gambling, and instead have replaced them with alcohol or drugs. There’s even many now who I see doing none of the above but instead are constantly overeating. In my case, one of those substitute addictions I found was to seek and buy those shiny things.

Upgrades to my home stereo equipment, owning the latest and greatest cell phone, purchasing modifications for my sports car, securing the best laptop on the market, buying top notch headphones or televisions, were just some of those shiny things I sought after. With each acquisition, I’d get a “high” off of its newness and coolness just like I once did with a drink or a drug or a quick sexual act. That “high” was also boosted by always having to show everybody else what it was and what it could do. My ego would swell and I’d feel important and special for a short while. But like any addiction, such as to alcohol or drugs, I eventually needed more of and more of those shiny things to keep that “high” going. And it didn’t help my situation either that my parents had left me some money when they passed away, which only fed this addiction even more. But thankfully, it appears as if all my spiritual work to grow closer to God in recent years, has given me the ability to see all of these substitute addictions much more clearly. Because of this, I am happy to report I no longer am seeking those shiny things anymore, or falling into any other addiction now either.

While all those shiny things in life still gleam and sparkle around me everyday, beckoning me to purchase them, I actually am doing what I can now to maintain the ones I already own that once each did the same. My cell phone is from three years ago. My laptop is over six years old. My car dates back to 2007. And my home stereo system is even older than that. There are many others I could list here as well that I still own and haven’t replaced yet. Several of them have even been to repair shops at some point or another just to keep them running, and I have found a sense of humility in that action alone.

The biggest lesson I have learned in all of this is that every addiction, including the seeking of those shiny things, is just a substitute for a temporary “high” and short-lived happiness. In the long run, all of them only lead to misery, more cravings, and a life filled with nothing more than ups and downs. I’m glad I’m not seeking those new shiny things anymore and instead am taking all that energy and putting it into my journey to grow closer to God. Is that an addiction too then? I’m sure many would argue it is. But at least I can say that in the case of dedicating my life to God, I am becoming more selfless and filled with love and light every single day. I think anybody would agree that’s a whole lot better than the dead-end paths that results from the seeking of those shiny things or any other of those selfish addictions for that matter…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

There is a symbol that is used to represent the program of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Even if you aren’t familiar with AA on any level, I’m sure you’ve still probably seen it. Most often it’s found on the back of a car’s bumper, but it seems to be turning up more and more lately on things such as clothing, jewelry, and artwork. It’s a rather simple emblem that’s essentially a circle containing a triangle within it whose sides represent unity, service, and recovery. Unfortunately, it appears there are many groups, such as my own, which seem to be unaware what the unity part of that triangle really means.

By straight definition out of the dictionary, the word unity is defined as the state of being united and joined as a whole. And sadly, that seems to be the exact opposite of what my home group in AA is currently doing. But before I mention some of those things that they’re doing which don’t seem to be congruent with unity, I think it’s important to note that when a group is practicing that principle, it creates a byproduct called fellowship. And for many, the stronger the fellowship in a group, the more it seems to gain in membership and the more its members continue to come back week after week, month after month, and year after year.

I’ve belonged to several other AA home groups in the past and each of them helped me to understand a little better what unity and fellowship really looked like. The first home group I ever officially joined was probably the best one to represent this. I can still remember walking in those doors on the first Friday night of September in 2007. There were at least three greeters outside the meeting hall giving warm welcomes to everyone as they entered. Inside the hall, it was hard not to notice everyone helping each other out to get the room ready for the next meeting. There was plenty of smiling, laughing, hugging, and friendly conversations going on. And many people walked up to me and gave me huge embraces even though they didn’t know me. Even better, when the meeting was over, I had received several invitations to join many of those members who were going out for some pizza. While I didn’t live in the time that Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith created the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have come to understand through research, that they practiced something similar in their meetings back then. I had always felt they would have been proud to have walked into my first home group to see their legacy of unity live on. But as I said earlier, there are some meetings, like my current home group, that don’t practice unity so well. And just last week, I saw this was becoming very apparent there.

Week in and week out, I am the sole person there to set up and even when the other members begin to arrive, none offer to help me out. Most of the members only warmly greet those that fall into their cliques and close friendship based circles and fail to even walk around the room and say hello to anyone else, including other members like me. When I have begun the cleanup after the meeting, most promptly leave but for those that remain, it’s only to socialize with their friends for a few more minutes. And not once, in the year I’ve been a member of that group has anyone wanted to go out together for any kind of fellowship after the meeting. My group even has occasional speaking engagements at various detoxes, halfway houses, and other places of recovery, but often many of them are sparsely attended by our members. All of this stands to reason why our group has been struggling financially as of late to pay our monthly expenses. While the speakers we’ve had may have been good, I believe it also takes a strong fellowship to draw people back each week to gain in not only numbers, but also members. In the past year, our average attendance has been around 40 and our average active membership has been no more than 10. While my attempts at creating more unity and fellowship have had the tendency to be turned against me with comments that what I’m suggesting is unrealistic and unreasonable, what my group members don’t understand is that this is going against the very principles that Bill and Bob set forth so long ago.

Finding a home group that is strong in unity and fellowship, can be critical for a person’s recovery, especially when most were probably doing the exact opposite during their active days of addiction. If you are searching for a good meeting to attend or looking for one to call your home group, I encourage you to find one where people shake your hand, hug you, verbally greet you with warm cheer, and even invite you to join them later after its over for more fellowship. These are only just a handful of the many traits that fall under a good unity based group. But if you find yourself on the other side of the coin walking into a meeting where you aren’t even pleasantly greeted by one of its members, my suggestion is to keep on searching for other meetings to attend, as that’s a definite sign of a group lacking in unity. That being said, I think I need to follow my own advice here and begin looking for another group to call home again…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

In the past few months, three of my friends who had a number of years of sobriety under their belt have all relapsed. In each of their cases, what led to this was them getting involved in a new intimate relationship with someone who became a higher priority to them then their Higher Power and recovery was.

The original 12 Steps were written by Dr. Bob Smith and Bill Wilson to guide people in their recovery to a Higher Power that could save them from the disease of alcohol addiction and the constant relapsing. Since then, many other 12 Step programs have emerged over the years using this same principle because it was found in all the other addictions as well that people couldn’t find sobriety when trying to do it on their own. When anyone is active in any addiction, their higher power generally becomes themselves or the “substance” of their addiction. For the three friends of mine who recently relapsed, and for many others like them, something was placed in front of their Higher Power, and their recovery, with more importance. Usually this happens after getting several years of sobriety under the belt where a person is more comfortable being sober and feels they don’t have to do as much work in their recovery.

Unfortunately, getting comfortable in recovery also becomes rocky ground when a new intimate relationship enters the equation. There’s a “high” that’s experienced from that new connection, and often that seems more alluring then continuing to do the hard work they’ve been doing for years in their recovery to stay close to their Higher Power. So initially what happens for these people is that they start skipping meetings. Then they stop hanging out with the fellowship. Soon they forget about their prayer and meditation time. And then the day comes when too many negative things happen to them and the desire creeps back in to numb their frustration with that substance from their former addiction. The other side of the coin is true as well when the day comes where the person has an abundance of good things happen to them and the desire to celebrate with that substance from their former addiction returns. While in either case they may resist the first, second, or even third round of temptation, eventually many succumb to it as they had developed too distant of a connection to their Higher Power and lost their defense against relapsing.

This is the reason why there’s an unwritten suggestion in all of the 12 Step meetings I’ve attended throughout the years that newcomers should refrain from getting involved in any intimate relationships during their first year of recovery. That’s because of the fact that during the first year of anyone’s recovery, what’s being built within them is that defense against picking back up whatever the substance of their addiction is. So if the focus for the newcomer is mostly on building an intimate relationship, they never get the chance to find that connection to their Higher Power and often relapse quite quickly when things go haywire in their lives.

A few years ago, while I wasn’t a newcomer, I was one of those people who let a relationship come in front of my connection to God. I had become obsessed with an intimate relationship I was having with someone who was very toxic and wasn’t able to draw a sober breath on most days. Little by little, I had stopped praying, meditating, going to meetings, and hanging out with healthy people, all of which was weakening my defense against a relapse. And one day, after more than 14 years of sobriety, during a particularly stressful moment with this man, I grabbed a cold beer on a table in front of him and almost drank it. Thankfully I didn’t, but my connection to my Higher Power and my recovery was that weak that I almost did. Sadly, it took me several more years of treading water with temptation before I eliminated all of those toxic intimate relationships and focused on putting my Higher Power and my recovery first again.

Intimate relationships are probably the number one cause of people with short or long term sobriety, relapsing. It’s often due to them making those relationships be a higher priority then their Higher Power and their recovery. The longer they place that relationship first and their Higher Power and recovery second, not only will they eventually lose that relationship, they stand a good chance on losing themselves back into their disease of addiction.

If you are in a relationship right now and are either new to recovery, or been around for awhile, take a moment, breathe, and then ask yourself where your connection to your Higher Power and your recovery is on your priority scale. If most of your time is being dedicated to that relationship, and only a small amount of time is focused on your Higher Power and recovery, please realize you are putting yourself at risk for a relapse. Realign your priorities to make your Higher Power and your recovery be first in your life and know in doing so, you’ll have the best defense necessary to never relapse again.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson