The words “Made A Decision” are quite important when it comes to recovery from addiction, as they are part of what I deem to be the most vital step, which is Step 3. It reads, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood God” and thankfully, I made three of these decisions over the course of the past 20 years that have fully transformed my life for the better.
The first of those came on June 10th, 1995. At that point, alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes were ruling my life. In fact, I was totally powerless over them and each was downright causing me to self-destruct on a daily basis. This is mainly why I will always remember the precise moment that day when I kneeled down in my bathroom and prayed to a God I had never spent much time with. All I asked in that prayer was for help because I knew if I didn’t get any, I was going to die from the damage these three things were causing me. Then something amazing happened. I felt a presence move through me, one I had never felt before, and when it was over the compulsion to pick up any of these substances left me. It was then I made a decision to never do any of them again and to this day I still haven’t.
The second time I made a decision to turn my will and my life over was on September 7th, 2007. When that day arrived, I had gone 12 entire years attempting to manage my life without any recovery program. Most would say I had lived the total time as a dry drunk because my behaviors were never much different from when I had been actively drinking, drugging, and chain smoking. But something truly amazing happened that night after calling the only friend who continued to believe in me. He had 14 years clean and sober at the time, but they were far different from the twelve I had, as he had continuously worked his recovery program during each of them. During our phone call he asked me to attend his home group in Alcoholics Anonymous that night, of which I accepted. It was there I spoke at a podium in front of at least 100 people where I said I needed help and was willing to do anything. And I meant it. By the end of that evening, after praying to God, I made a decision to work the 12 Steps with a sponsor for the first time in my life and have been on the recovering path ever since.
The third and probably most significant decision I ever made in turning my will and my life over was on April 23rd, 2012. It was on that day that I realized I had been playing tug-of-war with God on what I thought I still needed. While I had remained clean and sober from alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes for almost 17 years by that point, I had discovered many other addictions that I wasn’t quite ready to give up. While God kept on giving me plenty of signs how none of them were serving my highest good, I never listened and was becoming spiritually sick all over again because of it. I remember waking up early that morning, shaking because of that growing sickness, and knew what I needed to do. I prayed to God for the strength and it came because when a phone call arrived from the last toxic person I was still engaging in addictive behaviors with, I said goodbye to him. It’s then I made a decision to turn my ENTIRE will and my ENTIRE life to God. Since then, I haven’t engaged in any addictive behaviors, not even one.
Nowadays, I wake up every morning and make the decision to ask God to guide all of my thoughts, words, and actions. So far, it seems to be working because my life has been filled with far less drama and instability than ever before, which is why I’m so grateful I made those decisions, three to be exact. As they have guided and shaped my recovery and spiritual life to a place I never could have achieved solely on my own.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson