Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood. To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary they walk down to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the desk they shared and where he had carved “I love you, Sally”. On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, and they don’t know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and its fifty-thousand dollars. The husband says, “We’ve got to give it back”. But she responds, “Finders keepers!!!” and puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic. The next day, two policemen are going from door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. One knocks on the door and says, “Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?” She responds, “No.” But the husband immediately says, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.” She then quickly responds, “Don’t you believe him, he’s getting senile.” So, the policemen sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, “Tell us the story from the beginning.” The old man says: “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday…” At this, the policeman looks at his partner and says, “We’re outta here !”

Silly Joke #2

Lee wasn’t the brightest guy in the world, and his co-workers were continually ribbing him on the job. One in particular, Rick, would greet him each morning and precipitate this exchange:
“Say Lee, you seen Ben?”
“Ben who?”
“Ben’ down and kiss my a$$!”
Tired of falling for the same joke day after day, Lee confided in his friend Susie who said, “Listen, next time you see Rick, ask him if he’s seen Eileen. Rick will ask, ‘Eileen who?’, and you say, ‘I lean over and you kiss MY a$$.'”
Memorizing his lines, Lee went to work early to wait for Rick. As soon as he arrived, Lee ran over to him and immediately said:
“Hey Rick…Have you seen Eileen?”
“No,” Rick answered, “she ran off with Ben.”
Lee frowned, “Ben who?”

Silly Joke #3

There was this party in the woods that had been going on when all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. Two young men at the party who were very drunk stumbled through the pouring rain and finally reached their car just as the rain began to let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man’s face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side screamed out, “Eeeeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There’s an old guy’s face there!” (Was this a ghost?!?!?!) This old man kept knocking, so the driver said, “Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!” So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, “What do you want???” The old man softly replied, “Do you have any tobacco?” The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, “He wants tobacco!” “Well, offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!” the driver replies. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, “Now, step on it!!!” rolling up the window in terror. Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, “So, what was that?!” The driver says, “I don’t know?!” Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!” the passenger yells. “Well, see what he wants now!” yells back the driver. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, “Yes?” “Do you have a light?” the old man quietly asks. The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, “COME ON, STEP ON IT!!!” They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! “OH MY GOD! HE’S BACK AGAIN!” He rolls down the window and screams out, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” in stark fear. The old man replies, “You want some help getting out of the mud?”

Bonus Silly Joke (2 short ones)

The lifeguard angrily told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool. “Look Mr. Lifeguard, everyone knows,” the mother lectured him, “that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool!” “Oh really?” said the lifeguard, “from the diving board!?!?”

The other day I got carded at the liquor store. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. The clerk shook his head and said, “Never mind,” and rang me up.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

If great men throughout history had smoked reefer, there’s no telling what would have happened. Like if somebody like Martin Luther King Jr. had smoked reefer, he would have been giving speeches like, “I have a dream… but the hell if I can remember what it was all about. I think it was either about freedom or Fritos?

Silly Joke #2

An office executive was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality. “If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?” he asked. “I’d have to say the living one.” she responded.

Silly Joke #3

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of hungry wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, “Well, do you want to make a run for it, or should we stay here for a few days and out number them?”

Bonus Silly Joke

Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. “MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND…” Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story. So Johnny tells her. “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy…” At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.” At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, “then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

There was an Irishman, a Mexican, and a blond guy who worked construction together. They were working on top of a building one day, and it was lunch time. The Irish man opens his lunch pail and he sees he has cabbage and beef, and he says, ‘If I get one more beef and cabbage for lunch I’m gonna jump off of this building!’ Then the Mexican opens his lunch pail and he gets a burrito, he says, ‘if I get one more burrito for lunch I’m gonna jump off this building!’ The blond man opens his lunch pail and gets a bologna sandwich. He says, ‘if I get one more bologna sandwich I’m gonna jump off of this building!’ The next day the Irish man opens his lunch pail and finds cabbage and beef so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the Mexican opens hid lunch pail and finds a burrito so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the blond guy opens his lunch pail and finds a bologna sandwich, so he jumps off to his death as well. The next day at their funeral the Irish man’s wife said, ‘If I only knew he was sick of cabbage and beef I would have packed him something else.’ Then the Mexican’s wife then said, ”If I only knew he didn’t like burritos, I would have packed something else.” Finally, the blond man’s wife said, ‘I don’t know what his problem was! He packed his own lunch!”

Silly Joke #2

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife who suddenly appeared at my side. “Hey, can you hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,” she said. So, I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich, when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard and I had no napkin, so I licked it off. It was NOT mustard! No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue. Later my wife laughed at me and said, “Now you know why they call that mustard ‘Poupon!'”

Silly Joke #3

Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And then it was question time…. “So, Class,” he said, “my name begins with the letter ‘M,’ and I pick up things….What am I?” Little Johnny raised his hand and said said, “You’re a mother!”

Bonus Silly Joke

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.” As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, “I don’t know about you, but in MY congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson