Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

“Class, there are two words I don’t allow in here. One is ‘gross’ and the other is ‘cool'” said the 1^st grade teacher to her new class for the school year. There was then a very noticeable silence with all the kids looking at each other when suddenly little Johnny raised his hand and said “Well, are you at least going to tell us what the gross word is and what the cool word is so we don’t ever say them?!”

Silly Joke #2

An elderly couple was driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?” The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “He says you were speeding!” The patrolman says, “May I see your license?” The woman turns to her husband and asks again, “What did he say?” The old man yells again, “He wants to see your license!” The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman says, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on this blind date with the most annoying woman ever. Man, I don’t think I’ll ever forget her!” The woman turned to her husband again and asks, “What did he say?” And the old man yells once more, “He said he knows you!!!”

Silly Joke #3

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that’s parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says, “We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction seems to have worked out very nicely for you, but we’re a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The woman responded, “Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car safely for two weeks and for only fifteen bucks?!”

Bonus Silly Joke

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”  Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.” The customer gave him a really puzzled look and then walked away. The manager then drew the clerk aside and growled, “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something! If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way! Now, what was it she wanted?” The clerk answered, “Snow.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had enough.  “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I’ll bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”  “You’re on, old man,” the young man replied. “Let’s see what you’ve got.” The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, “All right. Get in.”

Silly Joke #2

Q: Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?
A: Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.

Silly Joke #3

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” she responded. “Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Bonus Silly Joke

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. “I will tell my saddest story first,” he said. “I left the room key in the car!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the Presidents of the breweries decide to go to the pub for a drink. The Coors President said “Can I have the only beer made with Rocky Mountain Spring Water: a Coors, please.” The bartender gave him the drink. Then the Budweiser President orders, “The King Of Beers — Budweiser.” The bartender proceeds with the order. The Amstel President walks in and orders “The Finest Beer ever.” The bartender gives him an Amstel. Then the Guinness President says, “I’ll have a Coke please.” The bartender is taken aback by this but gives the Coke to him anyway. All the Presidents looked over at him and said, “Why have you ordered a Coke?” He replied, “Well if you all aren’t drinking beer, then neither shall I!”

Silly Joke #2

Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.” The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.” There was a long pause before Susan replied, “Then I think I need to cancel the policy I have on my husband.”

Silly Joke #3

Little Amy: Can people really predict the future with cards?
Little Joan: My mother can.
Little Amy: Really?
Little Joan: Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.

Bonus Silly Joke

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s your name?” “Sam,” the cowboy moaned.  “Where ya from, Sam?”   With pain in his voice Sam replied…. “The balcony.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson