Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter’s plane. She had just come back from a faraway land trying to find adventure. As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this man as her new husband. The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, “I said for you to marry a RICH Doctor! A RICH Doctor!”

Silly Joke #2

Four Florida old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he’d love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, “Let’s do it! We’ll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Christmas morning.” Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, “Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.” Number 2 guy says, “I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.” Number 3 guy says ” Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.” They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. “I can’t believe you all went to such expenses for this golf game. All I had to do was pat my wife on the butt and say, ‘Well babe, is it sex or golf?’ and she said, ‘I think you should take your sweater today, looks like it might be a bit windy out there!”

Silly Joke #3

A couple of drinking buddies who are airplane mechanics are in a hangar at JFK New York. It’s fogged in and they have nothing to do.

One of them says to the other, “Man, have you got anything to drink?”

The other one says, “Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, and it will kind of give you a buzz.”

So they do drink it, get smashed and have a great time, like only drinking buddies can.

The following morning, one of the men wakes up and he just knows his head will explode if he gets up, but it doesn’t. He gets up and feels good. In fact, he feels great! No hangover!

The phone rings. It’s his buddy. The buddy says, “Hey, how do you feel?”

“Great”, he said! “Just great!” The buddy says, “Yeah, I feel great too, and no hangover. That jet fuel stuff is great. We should do this more often!

“Yeah, we could, but there’s just one thing . . . ”

“What’s that?”

“Did you fart yet?”

“No . . . ”

“Well, DON’T, because I’m in Phoenix…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

Silly Joke #2

A little old man shuffled slowly into the ‘Orange Dipper’, an ice cream parlor in Naples , and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘hemorrhoids…’

Silly Joke #3

During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level. He described a typical day this way: ‘Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, hiked through some forest, escaped from some kind of wild animal in some heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, dug through a bunch of sand and got soaked when I tripped into a stream!’ Inspired by the story, the doctor said, ‘You must be one heck of an outdoorsman!’ ‘NAH,’ he replied, ‘I’m just a really crappy golfer.’

Bonus Joke

An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing three eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, “Why?” The wife replied that she hadn’t wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that three poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. She replied, “Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townsfolk – the ghost which `lived’ there was feared by all.However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains et al. He told the ghost “I mean no harm – I just want your photograph”. The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make the headlines – he posed for a number of ghostly shots. The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room, and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they turned out to be black and underexposed. So, what’s the moral of this story? The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.

Silly Joke #2

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom.Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported “Goony bird” and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, “Goony bird! The table!” Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, “Goony bird! The shelf!” Again, the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. “Wow!” said the wife, “If this doesn’t attract my husband’s attention, nothing will!” So, she bought the bird and took it home. When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. “Honey!” she exclaimed, “I’ve got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!”The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, “Goony Bird, my ass!”

Silly Joke #3

An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you”…Her husband asks, “Is that you, or the wine talking? She replies, “It’s me…talking to the wine.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson