Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Myra Rhodes, a little old lady living in Great Baddow, Essex, answered a knock on the door one Friday, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

‘Good morning, Ma’am,’ said the young man. ‘If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.’

‘Go away!’ said Myra brusquely. ‘I’m broke and haven’t got any money,’ and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ‘Don’t be too hasty,’ he commanded. ‘Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.’ And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

‘Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.’

Myra stepped back and said with a smile, ‘Well let me get you a spoon, young man because they cut off my electricity this morning.’

Silly Joke #2

One day, Dave, the bus driver, was in his bus when the biggest man he had ever seen got on. The giant looked at the driver and growled, ‘Big Eric doesn’t pay’ , and took his seat.

Dave was only a little man and he didn’t really want to argue.

This happened for several days. After a week, Dave was beginning to get a little angry. Everybody else paid, so why not the big man?

So Dave went to the gym and started a course of body-building. He didn’t want to be frightened of Big Eric any longer.

Eight weeks later the driver had strong muscles and was feeling very fit.

At the usual stop, Big Eric got on. ‘Big Eric doesn’t pay’ , he barked; but this time Dave was prepared for him. He stood up, shaking slightly, and said between clenched teeth, ‘Oh, yeah? And why doesn’t Big Eric pay?’

‘Because Big Eric has got a bus pass’, the man replied.

Silly Joke #3

Daniel and Jessica, young couple, got married and went happily on their honeymoon. When they got back, Jessica immediately ‘phoned her mother and her mother obviously asked, ‘How was the honeymoon, dearest?’

‘Oh, Ma,’ she replied, ‘the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic…’

Then Jessica burst out crying. ‘But, Ma, as soon as we returned home Daniel started using the most ghastly language… saying things I’ve never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home…. Please Ma.’

‘Calm down, Jessica!,’ said her mother, ‘Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?’

Still sobbing, Jessica whispered, ‘Oh, Ma…words like dust, wash, cook, and iron.’

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

A little old lady tried to phone her local bank but was put through instead to the bank’s call centre in India.

“Is that the Adams Street branch?” she asked.

“No, madam,” replied the voice at the other end. “It is now company policy to deal with all telephone calls centrally.”

“Well, I really need to speak to the branch,” said the old lady.

“Madam, if you just let me know your query, I’m sure I can help you.”

“I don’t think you can, young man. I need to speak to the branch.”

The call centre operator was adamant. “There’s nothing that the branch can help you with that can’t be dealt with by me.”

“Very well then,” sighed the old lady. “Can you see if I left my gloves on the counter, as I believe I left them behind this morning when I was there?”

Silly Joke #2

A kindergarten had received a number of complaints from parents regarding the state of a hawthorn hedge that surrounded the school playground. It was so long and thorny in places that several people – including children – had received scratches. The town council had rejected all calls to trim the hedge, so the school decided to undertake the task themselves and proposed cutting back the hedge every three months to ensure that it stayed in shape and posed no danger.

To this end, the school formed a special committee of parent volunteers, each of whom took responsibility for a particular aspect of the operation. The key area was finance, and since one of the parents was an investment banker, the committee thought he would be the ideal person to set up an account from which money could be drawn to cover the costs associated with maintaining the hedge.

But when he was approached, the investment banker firmly declined, saying: “There’s no way I’m getting involved in any more hedge funds.”

Silly Joke #3

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Opportunity.
Don’t be silly – opportunity doesn’t knock twice!

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

– Hello! Gordon’s pizza?
– No sir it’s Google’s pizza.

– So it’s a wrong number? Sorry
– No sir, Google bought it.

– OK. Take my order please
– Well sir, you want the usual?

– The usual? You know me?
– According to our caller ID data sheet, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust.

– OK! This is it …
– May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato.?

– What? I hate vegetables.
– Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

– How do you know?
– We crossed the number of your fixed line with your name, through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

– Okay, but I do not want this pizza!,I already take medicine …
-Excuse me, but you have not taken the medicine regularly, from our commercial database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at Drugsale Network.

– I bought more from another drugstore.
– It’s not showing on your credit card statement

– I paid in cash
– But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement

– I have have other source of cash
– This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you bought them from undeclared income source.

-WHAT THE HELL?
– I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.

– Enough! I’m so sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp. I’m going to an Island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone line and no one to watch me or spy on me
– I understand sir but you need to renew your passport first as it has expired 5 weeks ago…

Silly Joke #2

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, “Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?”

After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

“Well, good morning. So, you actually think you’re a moron?” the professor asked.

The kid replied, “No sir, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson