Category: Silly Joke Friday

After a long day of shopping on a very chilly Black Friday, an exhausted man was walking down a street when suddenly he is approached by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asks him for some money for dinner.

Feeling a little guilty after spending as much money as he did on all those Black Friday deals, he quickly takes out his wallet, extracts $40 and asks,”If I give you this money, is there any chance you’re going to use it to buy some beer instead of dinner?”

“No way! In all honesty, I had to stop drinking years ago. Long story,” the homeless man humbly replied.

“Ok then! Well what about the possibility you might use it to go fishing, instead of buying yourself some food?”

“What? That’s an odd question to ask? But no, I gave up fishing a good while ago as well,” the homeless man said sadly. “Honestly, I spend most of my time these days just trying to stay alive on these streets!”

“Well, what about hunting then? Is there a chance you might use this money to go do some of that?”

“What, are you friggin’ NUTS?!” the homeless man said now sounding really irritated. “I’m homeless remember! “I don’t hunt anymore! I don’t fish anymore! I don’t drink alcohol anymore! I just need a little money to go buy myself some dinner! Geez!”

“OK, OK!” the exhausted shopper said with a strange smile. “I’ve decided I’m not going to give you the money after all. Instead, I’m going to take you home so that you can get a hot shower, a terrific dinner cooked by my wife, and then I’m going to let you crash on my couch for the night. How’s that sound?”

The homeless man was astounded at the amazing offer. “That sounds incredible, but won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?

“Don’t worry about that!” he said with a grin. “This is the best deal I’ve found all day for Black Friday, as now my wife can see what a man looks like after he has totally given up drinking, fishing and hunting!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

A waitress asks a guy, who oddly has a talking ostrich with him, for his order. The guy says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries, and a coke.” She then turns to the ostrich and says, “And what will you have?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $18.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and, without looking, pulls out the exact amount for payment.

The next day, the guy and the ostrich come back and the guy orders, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke” again, while the ostrich says nothing more than, “I’ll have the same.”

Once more, the guy reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a daily routine until one evening they enter the restaurant and the waitress asks, “The usual?”

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad”, says the guy.

“Me too,” says the ostrich.

The waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $42.62.”

Once again, the guy pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the guy, “several years ago an angel appeared before me after I had prayed for hours on end and said I could ask for two things and both would be granted. The first thing I asked for was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would have asked for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s for a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money will always there,” says the guy.

The waitress then asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The guy then sighs and says, “Well, my second request was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

A cat dies and goes to heaven.

God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all these years. You can have anything you desire, all you have to do is ask.”

“Well,” said the cat, “I lived all my life having to always sleep on hardwood floors.”

“Say no more,” says God and instantly a fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer he made to the cat.

“All our life,” the mice say, “we’ve had to run. Cats, dogs, women with brooms have chased us. If we had roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run any more.”

God says he can take care of it and, instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

A week later God checks on the cat, which is asleep on its pillow. God gently nudges him awake and asks, “How are you doing? Are you happy here?”

“Never been happier!” says the cat, stretching and yawning. “Especially with those meals on wheels you’ve been sending over, they sure are great!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson