Category: Silly Joke Friday

The couple was 85 years old, married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn’t help when they went on an exotic vacation and their little plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when St. Peter said, “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.” The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. “Why, nothing,” Peter replied, “for this is your reward in Heaven.” The old man looked out the window and saw a championship golf course, more beautiful than any ever seen on Earth. “What are the greens fees?” grumbled the old man. “This is heaven,” St. Peter replied. “You can play for free, every day.” Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from rich entrees with thick sauces to exotic deserts. “Don’t even ask,” said St. Peter to the man. “This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.”

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. “Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?” he asked. “That’s the best part,” St. Peter replied. “You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you’ll never get fat or sick. After all, this is Heaven!” The old man pushed, “No gym to work out at?” “Not unless you want to,” said St. Peter. “No testing my blood pressure or…?” “Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.”

The old man glared at his wife and said, “You and all your damn bran muffins, oatmeal, and vegetables, ugh! We could have been here ten years ago already!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

A lady goes to see her priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say, ‘Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?‘ Isn’t that awful?” the woman laments.

“That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. “You know,” he said, “I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male parrots who talk, and I have taught them to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with mine. My parrots can then teach your parrots to praise and worship God, which I’m sure will help them to stop saying… that… that indecent phrase…in no time.” “Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution!”

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered the woman in, she saw that his two parrots, Francis and Job, were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and actually praying, their pious little faces upturned toward heaven with beaks moving slightly as they prayed intently to the Lord.

Very impressed, the woman walked over and placed her birds inside the cage with the priest’s two very devout parrots. After a few minutes, sure enough, the female parrots cried out in unison: “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?” A long moment of silence ensued until one of the male parrots suddenly looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the beads away, Frank!!! All our prayers have finally been answered!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?” The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.” Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.” The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?” The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple: I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson