Category: The Spiritual Side Of Sexuality

Back in July I wrote about a local judge here in Toledo who was refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples after same-sex marriage became legal (That article can be found by clicking this link: https://thetwelfthstep.com/2015/07/20/now-that-same-sex-marriage-has-become-legal/). In it, I was quite passive about the matter and truly thought it was just going to become an isolated incident. But since then, there have been a slew of many other individuals across the country following in the same shoes, all basing their denials on the grounds of religious freedom. Because of this, I find myself feeling a lot different now with this growing issue.

Look, I’m all for someone having religious freedom. Personally, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are many paths to the same Source. Thus how one practices connecting to their Higher Power really doesn’t matter to me, so long as it doesn’t take away my ability to have equal rights. But when it begins to infringe upon them, putting me in a place where I’m facing roadblocks and outright denials to something that another human being is able to receive with no problems, strictly because a trait about them is accepted within their beliefs, when mine is not, that’s where I begin to draw the line.

I understand and fully accept the fact there are still plenty of people in the United States, and frankly around the world, who are vehemently against homosexuality, most due to their religious beliefs. Having an opinion about that is one thing, but outright refusing to perform the duties of their job to another because of their beliefs, feels like we’re returning to a time when black people were denied service in establishments deemed as white-only, or even worse, when the Nazi regime persecuted Jews so heinously. Thankfully, right now this movement of anti-homosexual individuals is only in the denial of marriage licenses arena in the United States. But who’s to say that if this unfortunate discrimination pattern continues here, that it doesn’t morph into something much worse.

Another interesting thought I had about this subject is what if the reverse was true and all of these people using their religious beliefs to deny a service to another were denied access to services themselves because the person in charge felt something about them was against their own religious beliefs? Wouldn’t there still be a major outcry and public backlash?

Thus it seems as if this is just going around in circles, and the fact of the matter is, didn’t God bring us all here to love each other equally no matter who we are, what we look like, or what we believe in? Isn’t deep down within each and every one of us a piece of God? If you truly believe this, then why should any of us ever refuse to provide a service to another, as wouldn’t that be an act of denying God himself?

So as you can see, I have begun to change my stance on what I originally wrote in my last article surrounding this issue. While a few months ago I was ok with letting someone practice religious freedom and instead opting to go to someone else who would provide me the same service, I’m not anymore. Seeing the growing number of individuals follow this trend, using religious freedom as a way to deny someone something they truly deserve, feels like it’s taking us in the opposite direction of what God would want of us. Ultimately, I know my Higher Power loves me unconditionally, as well as every one else here on Earth too, which is why I feel it’s my spiritual duty to always do the same, even if it goes against my own beliefs. Because maybe, just maybe, I am being challenged during those moments to look beyond my limited sight and see with eyes more like my Higher Power’s, as with them I’ll be far more embracing, compassionate, and accepting, than if I remain looking through my judgmental own…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

My sponsor was joking with me just over a year ago when he said he wondered if I was a straight man stuck in a gay man’s body. I had a good chuckle with him over it back then, but in all actuality, there have been plenty of times since when I truly feel I’m the polar opposite of the majority of the gay community. And this is precisely how I felt the other day when I went to a gay pride picnic and fundraiser with a friend of mine.

Upon arriving at the event, I already felt like a fish out of water given that I hardly knew anyone there. But thankfully, two friends of mine from recovery showed up just as I was walking in, which relieved that feeling somewhat, yet I still remained a little unease. It wasn’t because I have a problem socializing with the gay community nor was it because I’m uncomfortable with my sexuality, because I’m not. I guess what was most challenging for me as I stood there and tried to mingle were the stereotypes that so many of the gay community fall under, of which I have such a hard time relating to.

Acting campy and flamboyant, wearing loud clothing, listening to diva house music, and watching men dressed up in drag while they lip sync and strut their stuff on stage isn’t really my idea of a good time. And given that alcohol often seems to be consumed in great quantities at many of the gay events, I really struggled to feel a part of this picnic from the onset.

Ironically, it was held at a park where a Frisbee golf course was present and I actually spent more time watching the people play that game more than I focused on what was going on around me. But maybe that was also due to the fact I was trying to tune out my old thoughts and desires of what I did at every single gay event I used to attend in the past.

Many years ago, my only goal at any gay get-together would be to act out in my sex and love addiction in some way. Whether that was to get a person’s phone number, fool around or establish some type of sexual intrigue, the memories of most of my bad behaviors were done at events just like this one. This is why I was so grateful for my two recovery friends showing up, because I know on some level that God was watching out for me by having them there. After they left, I didn’t stay much longer, although I did try to watch a segment of the drag show and socialize for a moment before I did. But in all honesty, I must admit I felt slightly relieved when I finally got in my car to head home.

Look, it’s not my place to judge any of the gay community, especially because I’m always going to be a part of it. And frankly I’m actually ok with all the behaviors that fall under those gay stereotypes. It’s just not me though. My interests over the years have changed so greatly, and I feel far more comfortable hanging out these days with a few friends talking about spiritual interests, life in recovery, and helping others.

Maybe I’m just getting older and this was always bound to happen, or maybe my spiritual journey has shifted me away from the demographics I once was so much a part of. Regardless, I’m still glad I went to this pride picnic and enjoyed the laughter I did there. I’m also thankful I was able to see how much I’ve changed from how I used to be, especially at events just like this one in the past. Nevertheless, I guess you can say I’m still chuckling at my AA sponsor’s joke because this picnic reminded me how I really do sometimes feel like I’m a straight man stuck in a gay man’s body…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Now that same-sex marriage has become legal across the entire United States, it seems as if it’s also opened the door for the next wave of court battles, including one where judges are refusing to marry same-sex couples because of their religious beliefs.

Here in Toledo, Municipal Court Judge Allen McConnell was the first to do so, stating it was due to his own personal and Christian beliefs. Up until now, I haven’t weighed in on this issue at all, solely because I actually understand both sides of it. If McConnell truly does feel it would be going against the God he serves, I totally get his dilemma. On the other hand though, the same-sex couple that was refused is saying it’s in McConnell’s duties of his elected position to perform the marriage regardless of his personal beliefs, which I completely get as well.

Being in a same-sex relationship myself, I could easily just take the same stance as the denied couple. But, frankly, after thinking about my own spiritual beliefs for a moment, I realized I too might do exactly as McConnell did if something was asked of me that went against them.

The reality is that there are plenty of other judges out there in every single state including Ohio, who would marry a same-sex couple at this time. In fact, Toledo Municipal Court Judge William Connelly, Jr. did so for the refused couple later on the very same afternoon they were initially turned down.

Look, while I’m all for having equal rights, I’m not one who desires to add any stress to my spiritual journey in life when it’s not necessary. Sometimes I feel that we as human beings have the tendency to want everyone to conform to what we feel we deserve and when we don’t get it, we engage in great battles, many often legal, to get our way.

Well now that same-sex marriage battle is over, I wonder if people are going to start the next one by pushing for every single person in our country to support it, especially those in positions of power like McConnell. For me, that’s not how change actually happens. Change happens gradually and often not when someone is pushed into it.

Is it possible that McConnell’s views on this issue could change over time by receiving more guidance and direction from his Higher Power? It’s quite possible, but then again, his views may never change either. But should he be forced into doing something at the present that’s against his personal spiritual beliefs? I genuinely don’t believe so, only because there are so many other local judges willing to marry a same-sex couple. I must say this though. If no judge were willing to marry a same-sex couple in one’s local region, then most likely yes, I’d be willing to head into a legal battle to acquire my constitutional rights.

So in this case and for the present moment, I say why bother rocking the boat and cause more stress, trying to change or force someone into doing something they don’t feel comfortable doing, especially when there are other options available. It’s not my place to judge McConnell on his beliefs and I know the God of my understanding would want me to love him unconditionally like everyone else. Who knows, maybe if we all offered him, and others like him, a lot more of that, his views might change? Now that’s some food for thought isn’t it?

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson