Category: Words To Live By

Are you an honest person?

I fully believe one’s answer to this question is always going to be totally dependent on their relationship to their Higher Power.

When I came into recovery from a life of addiction, my Higher Power was definitely not running the majority of my life. In fact I was, or at least I was trying to, and I was doing a very poor job of it. In turn, I was far from being an honest person, but if you had asked me this question back then, I’d probably say I was. That’s only because I wouldn’t have wanted you to think less of me. I think that’s one of the major reasons why a person lies about anything. Regardless, it wasn’t until I began working on the 12 Steps did any of this change.

The first thing I had to become honest with in the 12 Steps was myself. I lied to myself for years believing I wasn’t an alcoholic, a drug addict, a sex and love addict, a codependent, etc. When I practiced Step One with each of these addictions though, I had to admit I was powerless over it and that my life had become unmanageable, and in doing so, I also grew a little more honest in life. Although I was able to successfully practice this step in entirety, my recovery program and my spiritual life consistently came to a halt because I kept avoiding the second part of getting honest, which was with my Higher Power.

I had avoided my Higher Power for several decades by engaging in so many addictions and frankly, I was pretty afraid of what was going to happen when I finally got honest with that Higher Power. The 12 Steps helped me to overcome that fear though and led me to use prayer as a tool to start that process. And although I believed my Higher Power already knew of everything I had done in selfishness, darkness, and hate, prayer became my way of admitting it openly to my Higher Power. The more I prayed about these things and tried to turn them over to my Higher Power, the more I felt myself getting more honest in life. But there was a third and final part I still had to get honest with as I practiced these steps, and that was with everyone else.

The pattern of me being dishonest with everyone else began as a very young kid when I would lie to my mother out of fear of catching her wrath. Over the years my lies to others would grow as my addictions did. Most of the time I lied to save my ass or to gain undeserved approval, but in either case, I wasn’t an honest person on most days. Even after I began practicing the 12 Steps, I found it rather hard to break this pattern. I often glorified my recovery in meetings or to sponsees, even though I was still living toxically on many levels. Thankfully, I had a good wake-up call to this level of dishonesty when I tried to kill myself and landed in the mental ward of a hospital. It was there I realized I had not been completely honest with my Higher Power about certain behaviors in my life that I knew were toxic for me, yet I had kept right on doing them. After I prayed about each and turned them over to my Higher Power, I can truly say that the honesty that emerged in my life was finally legit. While it might have taken me a very long time to ultimately find this level of honesty in every aspect of my life, the piece that has been the driving force to making it happen is my Higher Power.

The reality is that the farther away I’ve gotten in life from my Higher Power, the more I’ve tried to run the show, be controlling, and avoid things like prayer. And the more I’ve tried to run the show, be controlling, and avoid things like prayer, the more I’ve become dishonest with myself, with everyone else, and my Higher Power too. But, the closer I’ve drawn to my Higher Power, the less any of this has happened and instead, I’ve watched myself become far more honest than ever before with myself, with everyone else, and my Higher Power as well. So I guess you could say that I’m just grateful I do have a much closer relationship to my Higher Power today, because I know my level of honesty depends on it, as does my recovery from addictions and my spiritual journey in life too.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Air war in Syria could last years.” This is one of the news headlines I saw recently for the latest warfare our country has begun. While our motivation in this one is to defeat al-Qaeda-linked terrorists and Islamic State fighters from Syria, the sad reality is that it’s only going to create more of what it’s actually trying to prevent in the long run.

I think it’s important for me to say first and foremost that I support my country, I really do. But I don’t believe in any type of war, including this latest one against the radicals in Syria. Obviously our goal is to help bring greater peace to this country, except peace will never be fully achieved through violent means such as this. Any peace that ends up appearing to be achieved in this way is really only a temporary illusion. The only reason why I believe I can safely say this is due to all the innocent casualties that occur from any type of war. Let me explain this a little better.

As I write this, I’m sure there are bombs being dropped and guns being fired in Syria. And while some of those terrorists and radicals are probably getting eliminated in the process, there are most likely others who are going to escape that initially had no desire to be part of this battle. But when they suddenly see loved ones killed, there’s a good chance they’re going to become consumed with anger and rage, and when that happens, another extremist is instantly born. Sometimes this might happen instantly if the person is old enough, and sometimes it could happen much farther down the road. Either way, this is how many of these militants come to be and their only desire from that point forward is usually to take down the oppressor, or if you prefer, the bully.

In all actuality, going to war is like being a bully, but on a much larger scale. The goal of a bully is usually to scare everyone into submission, leaving them in total control of everything and everyone. While many will put up with that control because of fear, there are always those who end up fighting back again and again until the bully suffers or is taken down.

In this case, I can almost guarantee that this air war is only going to affect our country down the road and I dread that thought completely. We’ve already been through enough incredible tragedy with the events on 9/11/2001, much of which I believe was a rebellious act from those our country formerly bullied on some level.

The simple fact is that all war is only going to breed more war. To achieve that end goal of creating peace, our country, and all countries for that matter, has to become peace itself. I pray to my Higher Power that somehow, someday, we may all see this truth. But until then, my heart goes out to all the innocent people on both sides of this latest act of aggression who may either end up perishing or watching other loved ones perish in the process. May we all just find more forgiveness in our hearts instead of turning to anger, rage, and more war in this world, as then and only then, will we achieve the peace we seek.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Unforgiveness is choosing to stay trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else’s crime…”

This is a quote I saw recently on a wall located within a local Salvation Army shelter. It’s one that definitely grabbed my attention enough that I took out my phone to capture a snapshot of it before I left. Why? Because unforgiveness is something that kept me locked away in a jail cell of my own making where bitterness was the only thing there that reigned supreme within me.

I honestly thought it was ok at the time to never forgive a diving coach who molested me, a father who committed suicide, a mother who drank herself into a deathly fall down the stairs, or an ex-partner who had such serious financial struggles in life that it eventually led to the loss of a business we owned together. What I didn’t see though in being unforgiving to each of these people was that the only person getting hurt in doing so was myself.

Living in that jail cell of bitterness was how I actually hurt myself. That’s because that bitterness was really nothing more than me just living with resentments. And like I say in life time and time again these days, all resentments are nothing more than just poison to the soul.

This poison I’m speaking of is the anger that arises out of that bitterness and resentment. When harbored long enough, anger will become like cancer to the body. It will eat away at a person until all the healthy parts are gone. My own lack of forgiveness to those people who had harmed me truly did eat away at me from within until I became so consumed with negativity that I even held bitterness towards myself.

Through the help of my Higher Power and the 12 Steps of recovery, I was given a key to leave that self-made jail cell once and for all. That key was in practicing forgiveness and today I do that anytime I begin to feel bitterness towards anyone or anything, including myself.

So please don’t allow your own ego’s to fool you like I once did. Unforgiveness might feel justified in the beginning when you get seriously hurt, but in the long run, the only person that’s really going to suffer from practicing it is you. Always send love, forgiveness, and peace to anyone you ever feel bitterness towards, and I can promise you that your life will feel a lot freer than if you don’t…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson