Category: Words To Live By

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer tried everything he could to join in those reindeer games in the beginning of that classic Christmastime movie, but he wasn’t allowed to because he was so different. Ironically, I’m the exact opposite of how Rudolph originally was when it came to being a part of those games, as I don’t want to be a part of them at all these days. The games I’m referring to here reference the many groups of people who often come together, form a click, and maintain an unhealthy group mentality that you either follow, or you end up being chastised in some way if you don’t.

I spent many years of my life trying to be just like Rudolph first was. I covered up my “shiny nose” and tried to become more like everyone else. I gave up plenty of things I loved about myself that were truly unique and different. I changed my image to blend in with my surroundings all to look cooler. I gossiped with everyone else as they gossiped. I judged with everyone else as they judged. I backstabbed with everyone else as they backstabbed, and so on and so forth. In doing this, while I gained friends, I lost my true identity and myself. In all essence, my “shiny nose” became dim and eventually burned out in the process.

For years, I remained afraid to step out on my own, beat to my own drum, and be myself like I had done as a young kid. I was so scared of going back to those days where I always felt intensely alone because of being that different. Back then, no one ever wanted me to be a part of their reindeer games because of it and I thought that seeking those games was what my heart truly wanted. How wrong I was. Chasing after them not only burned my special “shiny nose” out, it brought great pains to my heart. I felt like such a fake every single day I was part of those games but even worse, I hurt many souls who never fit into my group of reindeer that played them. Thankfully, the work I started doing in my recovery and on my spiritual journey began to show me how unhealthy it was to remain a part of them. Slowly but surely, I proceeded to back away from being a part of any of them or demonstrating any of their mentalities. That’s when I was able to rediscover the original me and proceed to improve upon it.

Today, I do my best to stay away from all the people who play any type of reindeer games. I avoid them like the plague particularly the ones that include the constant sexual banter, gossipy talk, and negative judgments of others who don’t quite fit in. Taking part in any of them only takes me away from the spiritually centered person I know my Higher Power is helping me to become. Unfortunately, there’s a side effect to me doing this though.

Several have said lately I’m full of ego, which in all essence means they feel I’m better than them. I know that behavior well, because I spent many years saying the very same thing of others who were living far more spiritually than I ever was while I played those games. It was easier to tear them down then than to look in the mirror at how lopsided I was living. Thank God that’s not the case anymore as my ego is so far from being in charge of my life.

The fact remains that I choose to live on a spiritual plane nowadays that does not segregate, hurt, ridicule, gossip, or sexualize the world in any way, shape, or form. While that may set me completely apart from what often happens during those reindeer games, I’m ok with that today, even when those reindeer are saying I’m full of ego. There’s only one simple reason for that.

My “shiny nose” has finally returned and while I may be quite proud of that, it’s not about my ego, it’s about being ok to stand apart and just be my spiritual self.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I’ve come to accept that the polar opposite of living by ego is a life of humility. But I’ve also come to accept something else when it comes to these two things. Living by ego means living a life of self-will and living a life of humility means devoting one’s life to their Higher Power. Today, I can see the journey I’ve been on to spiritual enlightenment has included the long path I’ve taken to finding a life more based on humility.

During all the years I was a drunk and a drug addict, I wasn’t seeking any spiritual enlightenment and my ego had the best of me. In my mind back then, the world was completely about me and only me. It was then that I lived in total self-will and all of my decisions in life were self-serving on some level. But then the day came when my ego was first seriously bruised in life. That was on June 11^th, 1995, when I finally admitted four things to myself.

I was an alcoholic.

I was a drug addict.

I was addicted to cigarettes.

And I was attracted to men.

For a while, admitting those things truly humbled me in life. In fact, it was in admitting them that I began to seek out a Higher Power for the first time in life. But in a very short time, I became comfortable again in my own skin and slowly began to move away from that taste of humility. My ego hadn’t liked feeling the vulnerability that came with being humble, so I allowed it to take over again. Soon I was caught up in other addictions until the day came when I discovered my father had committed suicide.

For three years thereinafter I withdrew into myself and suffered immensely from depression, anxiety and various physical ailments. Because of that, I slowly crawled back to my Higher Power in all that pain and humility just to survive. It eventually led me to feeling better again. But unfortunately it also led me to gradually give control back to my ego. Soon I was light years away again from experiencing any humility and like before, I landed right back in the midst of a life of self-will and addictions because of it. That was until I got a phone call some years later from my sister telling me that my mother had died after a tragic fall down the stairs while drunk.

The humility I’d go on to experience over the next few years after her death was even greater than that of which I felt after my father’s. That’s only because I ended up losing a lot more that that, including my business, a long-term relationship, and the majority of my financial stability. Each of those things humbled me time and time again to my knees. I begged my Higher Power to help me through it all and my Higher Power did. That was at least until I felt completely well again as then I started slowly giving my ego back what it wanted.

Sadly, I went on to follow this pattern of living by ego to living a life of humility over and over again for five more years. It took me developing major physical pains, a stint in a mental hospital and a suicide attempt to see that living by ego never did anything more for me than take me away from my Higher Power and feeling any serenity. When I finally recognized that, I saw something quite interesting. Each time I went back to my ego being in full control, the duration I stayed there became less and less. Thankfully, I’ve discovered a few simple ways to prevent that from happening again.

I share openly to the world now about my entire life, as that seems to help me remain more in a state of humility. The same holds true of me sticking around the meeting rooms, practicing the 12 Steps, and sponsoring others, as each continues to keep me humble doing more of my Higher Power’s will.

While it really was a long and painful path to a life more based on humility, I’m grateful for the warmth my Higher Power gave me each time I returned, as it always was enough to eventually draw me back. I’m grateful I clearly see this now, as I truly never want to leave that warmth again.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Many in this world place great importance in their daily lives to stay physically fit. Usually that entails keeping their body in shape through good exercise and healthy eating habits. But for those like myself trying to recover from an addiction-prone life, staying spiritually fit is far more important.

Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, originally stated that the only path to true recovery from alcoholism was a spiritual one. The same can be said of all addictions as well. I have watched so many people come into the recovery rooms who don’t have this, yet they place a higher priority on getting fit in every other way except spiritually. Sadly, most end up relapsing because of it.

Think about this for a moment. If you are working out on a regular basis and are physically fit and trim because of it, what happens when you stop doing those workouts completely? Will you still stay in that good of shape? Most people won’t and eventually the muscle turns to flab. Well, the same principle can be applied to becoming more spiritually fit. Many of us in recovery will utilize prayer, meditation, attending meetings, sponsorship, and the 12 Steps to get there. But when we stop doing the majority of those things on a daily basis, we start getting out of shape spiritually. While a physical workout is the defense against getting out of shape and gaining weight, a spiritual workout is the defense against all the curveballs that life can throw at us. With no spiritual defense, those curveballs always drove me back into my addictions. Not so when I had a spiritual defense though.

There are countless of other ways that each of us can get spiritually fit as well. Taking walks in nature, volunteering, going on retreats, writing in this blog, and listening to uplifting music are just some of what I’ve done to be more spiritual. I think it’s important to note though that none of us are ever really fully spiritually fit. I say that only for the fact that spirituality is something that truly has no limits. It’s only our ego that places limits on anything and as soon as we allow it to do that, we lose our openness for potential growth.

Most of the great spiritual teachers who have walked the Earth have always maintained a simple attitude that there is always room for growth in one’s spirituality. I’ve found that anytime I start believing I’m completely fit spiritually, I begin to fall away from living a healthy recovery and many of my character defects begin returning.

A wise person once told me that we all must be empty glasses ready to receive the liquid of life because having a full glass will only spill some of our life essences over the side. I try to apply this principle in my life these days as I continue to add and remove things from my daily spiritual routine. But I always make sure to remain more of an empty glass than a full one; because I don’t ever want to lose the spirituality I already have nor prevent it from growing either.

So what I hope you remember most out of all of this is one simple fact.

Staying spiritually fit in life truly means we must work on our spirituality each and every day and always be open for it to constantly change and grow.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson