Category: Words To Live By

These entries focus on spiritual ways of looking at things I may come across in life each and every day.

Living In Integrity – Part II

Back in the late 1990’s I attended a men’s retreat entitled The New Warrior Training Adventure which was part of an organization named The ManKind Project. My life had been in severe turmoil at that time and was riddled with depression because of my father’s sudden death from his suicide. After speaking with a few people and told that I could get benefit on the weekend to heal from that tragedy, I made the decision to go. While the main outcome from attending that retreat was healing from my father’s death, there was a word I learned a lot more about from my experiences there that I had never previously understood.

What is integrity? A quick dictionary reference would state the following. “Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.” Was I a man of integrity in my life back then based upon that definition? Definitely not. It took me another twelve years to truly become that.

The first part of that definition for integrity is about being honest. Over time I came to understand that honesty is not just about how I am when people are watching or listening to me. It’s also about how I am when people aren’t watching or listening to me. Here are some examples from my past where I wasn’t practicing the honesty part of integrity.

1. Sneaking into a movie without paying after emerging from the one that was paid for

2. Taking a candy bar, a pack of gum, or any item off of a store shelf and pocketing it without paying

3. Speaking about an event observed but exaggerating it for greater effect

4. Making things up at an AA podium to give off a look of higher importance

5. Taking food from roommates without asking and then trying to hide the action

6. Telling an intimate partner that they were the only one for me and then having several other people “waiting in the wing” if it didn’t work out

7. Painting a picture on the internet to people that wasn’t true

8. Getting a cup for water at a restaurant with soda dispensers and then drinking the soda free from them

9. Going into a buffet and having one person pay and then eating off of their plate

10. Buying an item at a store brand new for something I already had at home that was old and damaged and then returning the damaged one to get my money back

Before becoming more God-centerded in my life, examples such as these were commonplace for me. The harsh truth too is that I didn’t feel any of them were wrong at the time I was doing them. Normally, I would just rationalize why it was ok to do any of them when I was. The other part of the definition of “integrity” is a little more complex than this.

“Having strong moral principles.” It took a long time for me to really understand what that meant. Instead of trying to come up with a short and sweet definition to explain it’s meaning, I decided it was best to write another list of examples of when I wasn’t having strong moral principles.

1. Carrying on an intimate relationship with a married, partnered, or already dating individual regardless of their situation

2. Promising someone attendance at some event and canceling for a better offer

3. Telling someone they’re a close friend but never or rarely making time to spend with them

4. Going out with a friend and having them pay more than not

5. Talking about someone in a negative light when they aren’t present

6. Spreading rumors about someone that may or may not be true

7. Receiving a phone call from someone who is asking to call them back and never doing so

8. Giving someone a promise to perform a task and then passing it off to someone else or choosing to not do it at all

9. Keeping a person around only because of what they have to offer

10. Borrowing money from someone and not making any attempts to pay it back

These are just some of the many things that I’ve done in this lifetime that would be considered when I did NOT have strong moral principles.

Because of my initial exposure to integrity on the Warrior weekend, as time went on, I could no longer hide from any of the things I was doing that would be deemed out of integrity. Unfortunately, it still didn’t stop me from doing any of them even though I had the awareness. As with anything, the more my life got out of control and filled up with pain, the more I turned over the pieces of me that were still living in self-will to God. The biggest change for me with integrity came a year ago when the pain was so great everywhere in my life that I decided to turn my entire will and life over to God.

Since then, I wake up every day and ask God to be fully in charge of my life. That includes every facet of it. I find it next to impossible now to live a life without integrity. I’m not perfect and there are still moments I may find something I’m doing that could be labeled as out of integrity. In each of those cases, there’s a feeling inside me where something isn’t lining up in a positive fashion. Through prayer and making amends as necessary, I find that I don’t stay out of integrity long.

While the key to learning about integrity was given to me long ago on that New Warrior Training Adventure weekend, living a life full of it only came through giving up all of my self-will and choosing a higher path with God at the center of it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

“I Can’t Wait Till I’m Older…”

I can’t wait till I’m older and stay up past my bedtime.

I can’t wait till I’m older and have a later curfew.

I can’t wait till I’m older and be able to drive myself places.

I can’t wait till I’m older and be able to see “R” rated movies.

I can’t wait till I’m older and don’t have to go to school anymore.

I can’t wait till I’m older and able to buy cigarettes.

I can’t wait till I’m older and go to college.

I can’t wait till I’m older and be able to drink legally.

I can’t wait till I’m older and graduate from college.

I can’t wait till I’m older and have better experience for my career.

I can’t wait till I’m older and have enough money to go into my own business.

I can’t wait till I’m older and able to retire.

You know….I really wish I were younger.

I found myself lately thinking a lot about this. Through great reflection, I see now that the majority of the 40 years I have lived so far on this Earth were focused on something to come and something I didn’t have. What’s sad about that is the amount of things that I may missed experiencing fully because my eyes were always down the road instead of where my feet were planted below me.

There’s that old saying, “Stop and take the time to smell the roses.” Well it’s true. Unfortunately many don’t take the time to smell the roses or any flower for that matter. I’m using this phrase more metaphorically in this case as for most of my life until recently, I failed to see how many things God had placed so beautifully in my life because of my gaze being somewhere out into the future.

Today I look back and remember wonderful games of kick-the-can, hide-and-go-seek, and kick ball in my neighborhood until the last of the sun light was just about gone. I think about the ice cream truck coming down the street and me racing towards it to get a frozen bomb pop. I remember going to Myrtle Beach every summer and playing mini-golf, building sandcastles, swimming in the ocean, and having huge gooey sundaes. I have fond memories as well during college of pledging and helping build a chapter for my national fraternity, Phi Kappa Psi. There is a vast wealth of treasured thoughts about many parties I dj’d, sports I partook in, and social outings that I had a lot of fun doing during my undergrad years. In my post collegiate years, the same thing holds true with many things I can remember being a part of, doing, or going to, that bring a smile to my face. Unfortunately, I can also remember during all of them, that I was always partially present as I experienced each of them. One part of me was enjoying them and the other was thinking about something down the road that I wanted, didn’t have, or felt like I needed to be happier.

With all the health issues I’ve faced in the past few years and having been slowed down immensely from being able to do what I once could, I have caught myself wishing that I was younger again. I see how much I might have lost by not remaining in the moment and making the best of what I had all those years. Today I’m doing all that I can to be more present where my feet are like on my drive home from the gym today. I noticed how picturesque the clouds and blue sky behind them appeared. I took a deep breath in and thanked God for still having two eyes to see it.

No matter where I am in my life, no matter what state my health is in, and no matter what experiences I am having to go through, there is always something around me in every single moment that is God-given, amazing, and filled with light and love. I just have to remain in the moment and stop wishing for something that the future may or may not bring. If I can do that, I know I’ll never miss again experiencing for ALL its worth, another great moment of my life.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

A Dinner With Cell Phones

A few nights ago I met up with a group of people at a local Bertucci’s to have a good meal as a send-off for a few friends heading on a retreat for the weekend. Being that I normally spend much of my time alone, I looked forward to the interaction with some people I haven’t hung out with in quite awhile. For the hour the meal lasted, instead of catching up with those that I dined with, I got to know better Apple, Samsung, and Nokia. For the majority of the meal, most everyone was either texting, playing Words With Friends, or looking something up on the Internet. When I left, I felt considerably sad that society is beginning to accept these behaviors as a normal way of living. I have begun to wonder how many others are noticing this happening. It seems as if all our technology advances are having a direct correlation to a progression of human interaction going from the very personal to the very impersonal.

In a time period many years before I was ever born, when even the home telephone didn’t exist, people would meet and carry on conversations, build deeper friendships, establish spiritual relationships, and strengthen family bonds. Block parties, family reunions, local festivals, game nights, social clubs and more were all quite prevalent then. But that would soon change. First the home telephone would become commonplace and then eventually, during my generation, Generation X as it was nicknamed, the world would give rise to pagers, then cell phones, and eventually the internet. Although each of these have been great hi-tech developments, they appear to be leading humanity to enjoy spending more time texting, instant messaging, and being on the internet then in developing interpersonal skills. In the last few years, I have intently observed this deterioration of human communication and noticed some disturbing trends.

There are those that continue to try to have romantic relationships using only the Internet and cell phones, many of which profess their undying love before even their first meet and greet. Sending instant messages to each other and trading pics are all great ways to begin a relationship with someone. But what about the things you generally won’t learn about using those modes? There are many online who are not who they say they are. From bad habits, to age inconsistencies, to likes and dislikes, to looks and appearances, it’s sad to say that all too often the whole truth is not revealed. Some even fail to mention they are already married, dating someone else, are former criminals, or suffering from serious health conditions. There are even those too that lie about their gender.

Then there’s text messaging. Is anyone noticing how this seems to be rapidly becoming the preferred method of interaction between people. Some teenagers I know text close to several thousand messages to each other monthly. Don’t get me wrong; typing a sentence on a phone to let someone else know a very quick thing, such as the time and location to meet, can be handy. But on the other hand, it can appear rather unfriendly and rude when one calls another to say hello and carry on a conversation and the response comes back in the form of text or a quick e-mail.

Also unsettling is the effect that both online instant messaging and cell phone text messaging are having on the English language. The use of abbreviations are becoming quite commonplace now because of these modes of exchange. “NYOB, TTYL, LOL, H2CUS, IDK, etc.” are just a few examples of the hundreds that now exist. Sadly, these are now finding their way into school papers, letters, and e-mails and many people like myself don’t even know what most of them stand for.

At first glance, these points might not seem to be that big of a deal. That viewpoint might change though when one considers the subsequent questions that I believe are directly related to this path our communications are heading on.

Why are the number of cases of depression increasing each year? Why is the rate of suicide on the rise every year? Why is it that someone is going on a killing spree and massacring dozens in just a matter of moments weekly these days? Why are anonymous sex and promiscuity increasing at alarming rates? What explains the reason why alcohol and drug abuse are becoming so widespread? Can anyone really explain why the rate of divorce has become so staggering? These are just some of the questions I continue to ask myself and all of them are leading to a domino effect on life, as we know it. All of the following are reportedly now also on the rise too: child neglect and abuse, mass hysteria and fear, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, crimes and violence, gangs, etc. Can anything really be done to stop this downward spiral? What I’m really posing here is the question of whether it’s really possible that all of these trends are directly related on some level to texting, instant messaging, and the internet?

There are so many people feeling neglected and unloved these days. In the many years that I felt that way, I sought out alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, and local gangs to deal with the emptiness. I had many online romances that never materialized. I entered and left many intimate relationships. I even attempted suicide. The more I stared at pixels on a computer screen or at words on a phone during all those years, the less I was able to experience that which drew me closer to others and the less that God was able to create the love that bonded me to any of God’s children. In the past few years, I’ve removed the texting plan from my phone, pulled myself off of internet chat sites, and made it a point to leave the phone in my pocket when I’m out being social with others. The result has been that I’m a lot less depressed. I feel more connected to who and what God wants me to connect to. And I’m not living with toxic addictions or friendships anymore.

All of us face loneliness on some level, but maybe some of it can be prevented? While each of these technological advances in computers, the Internet, cell phones, and more are useful in their own ways, they were never meant to replace direct human interaction and communication like they seem to be doing. So the next time someone calls on the phone, answer it and say hello instead of texting in response. The next time there’s a social engagement with others, keep the cell phone silent and put away. Make it a point to spend quality time in person with those that texting has been the only means of communication.

Maybe then when enough are making these changes, it might just begin to reverse some of the problems that seem to be increasing everywhere in society today.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson