Category: Words To Live By

Just a few days ago I was shivering wearing a winter coat and watching reports that the area might be getting a few more inches of snow. Winters really can be tough in the Northeast, especially like this year when in just over a month, more than 60 inches of snow dropped and the temperatures remained frigid for weeks on end. I can’t say for sure if the groundhog correctly predicted things this year. What I do know is that winter seemed like it was never going to cease and then suddenly it did when I awoke yesterday with the sun shining and a temperature close to 60 degrees.

While I really don’t enjoy winter at all, I have come to co-exist with it knowing that its days are always numbered. But more importantly, I’ve come to appreciate winters knowing I wouldn’t if it was warm all the time. Southern Florida and Southern California always seem inviting to me because of their year round balmy temperatures. I’ve hesitated though in relocating there because many people that migrate there from the north, end up leaving and coming back. Most say it’s because they miss the change in seasons.

I believe that if I did move to a year-round warmer climate I would probably take vacations up north just to occasionally see the sun twinkle on the snow a day after a storm. I love to see a wet snow come in and coat all the trees and then for the sun to emerge with a blue sky around it. It really does create a breathtaking masterpiece in nature.

Life is really like this isn’t it?

Would summer vacation have been as great when I was a kid if I never had gone to school?

Would taking a week or two of vacation in the winter have been as exciting if I was able to go on vacation all year?

Would dining out at a restaurant be as alluring if I could eat out at one every night of the week?

There was a time in my life when I could answer questions like this. It was a time when I had plenty of money to go do what I wanted. I did take vacations week in and week out. I went out to many different restaurants daily. And I grew bored. I no longer was excited about anything because nothing ever changed. Today I can’t afford to live a life like that and I’m grateful to God for that. I enjoy when I’m able to dine out a restaurant now. I am excited to take my once a year vacation. My appreciating these things comes from not having them all the time just like the seasons.

As much as I may not like the cold of the winters, and as much as I like the hot and steamy summers, I truly love to see the seasons change between them.

Seeing flowers pop out of the moist ground.

Hearing that first thunderstorm pierce the sky.

Watching the grass become greener and greener.

Smelling the first lawn being cut.

Spring then turns into Summer.

Jumping into a bluish cold pool on a hot and steamy day.

Eating that icy popsicle while melting all over the hands.

Playing a game of mini-golf getting a hole in one.

Sitting on a sandy beach while hearing the lull of the ocean.

Summer then becomes Fall.

Listening to the leaves rustle as a breeze whisks on through.

Staring at their dazzling colors as they drop one by one.

Blowing cold rings of air when the temperature begins to dip.

Eating a bowl of oatmeal trying to soothe the cold away.

Fall then turns into Winter.

Catching a flake of snow on the tongue as gravity brings them down.

Making snowballs when enough has fallen to throw at a friend.

Building that first snowman to proudly put it on display.

Drinking a cut of hot chocolate in front of that crackling fire.

Winter then becomes Spring again.

Remembering why I love the change in everything.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Back in the late 1990’s I attended a men’s retreat entitled The New Warrior Training Adventure which was part of an organization named The ManKind Project. My life had been in severe turmoil at that time and was riddled with depression because of my father’s sudden death from his suicide. After speaking with a few people and told that I could get benefit on the weekend to heal from that tragedy, I made the decision to go. While the main outcome from attending that retreat was healing from my father’s death, there was a word I learned a lot more about from my experiences there that I had never previously understood.

What is integrity? A quick dictionary reference would state the following. “Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.” Was I a man of integrity in my life back then based upon that definition? Definitely not. It took me another twelve years to truly become that.

The first part of that definition for integrity is about being honest. Over time I came to understand that honesty is not just about how I am when people are watching or listening to me. It’s also about how I am when people aren’t watching or listening to me. Here are some examples from my past where I wasn’t practicing the honesty part of integrity.

1. Sneaking into a movie without paying after emerging from the one that was paid for

2. Taking a candy bar, a pack of gum, or any item off of a store shelf and pocketing it without paying

3. Speaking about an event observed but exaggerating it for greater effect

4. Making things up at an AA podium to give off a look of higher importance

5. Taking food from roommates without asking and then trying to hide the action

6. Telling an intimate partner that they were the only one for me and then having several other people “waiting in the wing” if it didn’t work out

7. Painting a picture on the internet to people that wasn’t true

8. Getting a cup for water at a restaurant with soda dispensers and then drinking the soda free from them

9. Going into a buffet and having one person pay and then eating off of their plate

10. Buying an item at a store brand new for something I already had at home that was old and damaged and then returning the damaged one to get my money back

Before becoming more God-centerded in my life, examples such as these were commonplace for me. The harsh truth too is that I didn’t feel any of them were wrong at the time I was doing them. Normally, I would just rationalize why it was ok to do any of them when I was. The other part of the definition of “integrity” is a little more complex than this.

“Having strong moral principles.” It took a long time for me to really understand what that meant. Instead of trying to come up with a short and sweet definition to explain it’s meaning, I decided it was best to write another list of examples of when I wasn’t having strong moral principles.

1. Carrying on an intimate relationship with a married, partnered, or already dating individual regardless of their situation

2. Promising someone attendance at some event and canceling for a better offer

3. Telling someone they’re a close friend but never or rarely making time to spend with them

4. Going out with a friend and having them pay more than not

5. Talking about someone in a negative light when they aren’t present

6. Spreading rumors about someone that may or may not be true

7. Receiving a phone call from someone who is asking to call them back and never doing so

8. Giving someone a promise to perform a task and then passing it off to someone else or choosing to not do it at all

9. Keeping a person around only because of what they have to offer

10. Borrowing money from someone and not making any attempts to pay it back

These are just some of the many things that I’ve done in this lifetime that would be considered when I did NOT have strong moral principles.

Because of my initial exposure to integrity on the Warrior weekend, as time went on, I could no longer hide from any of the things I was doing that would be deemed out of integrity. Unfortunately, it still didn’t stop me from doing any of them even though I had the awareness. As with anything, the more my life got out of control and filled up with pain, the more I turned over the pieces of me that were still living in self-will to God. The biggest change for me with integrity came a year ago when the pain was so great everywhere in my life that I decided to turn my entire will and life over to God.

Since then, I wake up every day and ask God to be fully in charge of my life. That includes every facet of it. I find it next to impossible now to live a life without integrity. I’m not perfect and there are still moments I may find something I’m doing that could be labeled as out of integrity. In each of those cases, there’s a feeling inside me where something isn’t lining up in a positive fashion. Through prayer and making amends as necessary, I find that I don’t stay out of integrity long.

While the key to learning about integrity was given to me long ago on that New Warrior Training Adventure weekend, living a life full of it only came through giving up all of my self-will and choosing a higher path with God at the center of it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I can’t wait till I’m older and stay up past my bedtime.

I can’t wait till I’m older and have a later curfew.

I can’t wait till I’m older and be able to drive myself places.

I can’t wait till I’m older and be able to see “R” rated movies.

I can’t wait till I’m older and don’t have to go to school anymore.

I can’t wait till I’m older and able to buy cigarettes.

I can’t wait till I’m older and go to college.

I can’t wait till I’m older and be able to drink legally.

I can’t wait till I’m older and graduate from college.

I can’t wait till I’m older and have better experience for my career.

I can’t wait till I’m older and have enough money to go into my own business.

I can’t wait till I’m older and able to retire.

You know….I really wish I were younger.

I found myself lately thinking a lot about this. Through great reflection, I see now that the majority of the 40 years I have lived so far on this Earth were focused on something to come and something I didn’t have. What’s sad about that is the amount of things that I may missed experiencing fully because my eyes were always down the road instead of where my feet were planted below me.

There’s that old saying, “Stop and take the time to smell the roses.” Well it’s true. Unfortunately many don’t take the time to smell the roses or any flower for that matter. I’m using this phrase more metaphorically in this case as for most of my life until recently, I failed to see how many things God had placed so beautifully in my life because of my gaze being somewhere out into the future.

Today I look back and remember wonderful games of kick-the-can, hide-and-go-seek, and kick ball in my neighborhood until the last of the sun light was just about gone. I think about the ice cream truck coming down the street and me racing towards it to get a frozen bomb pop. I remember going to Myrtle Beach every summer and playing mini-golf, building sandcastles, swimming in the ocean, and having huge gooey sundaes. I have fond memories as well during college of pledging and helping build a chapter for my national fraternity, Phi Kappa Psi. There is a vast wealth of treasured thoughts about many parties I dj’d, sports I partook in, and social outings that I had a lot of fun doing during my undergrad years. In my post collegiate years, the same thing holds true with many things I can remember being a part of, doing, or going to, that bring a smile to my face. Unfortunately, I can also remember during all of them, that I was always partially present as I experienced each of them. One part of me was enjoying them and the other was thinking about something down the road that I wanted, didn’t have, or felt like I needed to be happier.

With all the health issues I’ve faced in the past few years and having been slowed down immensely from being able to do what I once could, I have caught myself wishing that I was younger again. I see how much I might have lost by not remaining in the moment and making the best of what I had all those years. Today I’m doing all that I can to be more present where my feet are like on my drive home from the gym today. I noticed how picturesque the clouds and blue sky behind them appeared. I took a deep breath in and thanked God for still having two eyes to see it.

No matter where I am in my life, no matter what state my health is in, and no matter what experiences I am having to go through, there is always something around me in every single moment that is God-given, amazing, and filled with light and love. I just have to remain in the moment and stop wishing for something that the future may or may not bring. If I can do that, I know I’ll never miss again experiencing for ALL its worth, another great moment of my life.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson