When Texting Gets Totally Lost In Translation…

I’m not a big fan of texting, mainly because of the impersonal nature of it all, but even more so because things often get lost in translation causing far more problems.

Case in point, I was sitting in a coffee shop listening to a friend play the guitar and sing just recently when I decided to text message another friend from the same recovery circle who normally comes to these types of things. I didn’t know if he was still working, as he is employed in a position where he can’t take any type of phone calls during normal work hours. Sure enough, he was still on the job and wouldn’t be able to make it. So, in response, I sent a funny gif of some guy in a work uniform walking past his co-workers, snapping his fingers, and waving his arms quite flamboyantly, which I knew he would totally laugh at, seeing how he’s sent a bunch of those to me as well.

Shortly after, I received a text message back that said that was definitely not him with a big “LOL.” I smiled and continued to listen to my friend jam in front of me. A few minutes later, I received another text from him that said he might like to try that someday but has to work his way up to it. Given the last message I had received, I assumed he meant he would try to make people laugh someday by acting flamboyantly like that animated gif. I told him I’d love to see that and would laugh my ass off if he ever did. Suddenly, his messages became irritated and upset and then stopped altogether. Every attempt I made after that to communicate and even to ask for a phone call when he got off work was answered with messages that he wouldn’t be available. Thankfully, well late into the night I received a text from him asking if I was still up and that he’s be opened to a phone call. I was, and promptly called him where I quickly learned why he had gotten so pissed at me and stopped texting.

You see in his line of texting and thinking, he knew I was watching our mutual friend do a musical jam session, which is one of his dreams as well. And he just assumed that when he texted me the message about working up the courage to do that, that I understood what he was talking about, which was playing the guitar and singing in a coffee shop. What he didn’t know was that I was thinking he was referring to acting flamboyantly in front of a bunch of others, just to make them laugh, because if you knew this guy he is the exact opposite of someone you would ever think would or could act flamboyantly. Thus, a few simple miscommunications through texting, ended up causing much anger, irritation, and resentments, as well as a lot of fear, worry, and sadness on my side as well, all for no reason.

This is the very reason why I wish I could rid this world of texting, as this was not an isolated incident by any means in my life. In fact, I’d place this one as Incident #2148 at this point. Nevertheless, while texting does have its advantages for sending quick messages about contact information and where to meet and such, I’ve had far more negative experiences trying to get my point across, trying to communicate, and trying to deal with any type of conversation over texting in general. It’s truly hard to discern one’s mood, emotion, and even what someone may be thinking or attempting to convey through texting, as it was in this case.

Of course, texting isn’t going to go away, probably ever at this point, and more and more people are most likely going to continue using it as the primary means to communicate, rather than actually talking amongst themselves. That at least seems to be the growing trend these days. I guess the only thing I can do to prevent text messages from getting totally lost in translation is to spend less time giving in and engaging with others in that way and instead encourage them to call me when they are able…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Do You Think Loneliness Truly Goes Away When You Get In A Relationship?

There are those who are single that truly believe being in a relationship would take care of much of their loneliness. I beg to differ only because I’m currently in a relationship and feel lonely more than not, yet I don’t blame my partner for that whatsoever. That’s because I don’t think there’s any partner out there who could eliminate my feeling of loneliness. I’ll also go so far as to say I don’t believe there’s any human being out there who can erase anyone’s feeling of loneliness just by being in a romantic relationship with them.

That’s not to say that loneliness doesn’t take a seat on the back-burner for a while when one enters a new romantic relationship. At first, everything seems so bright and glorious. The world appears right-side-up for once where feeling lonely is often the furthest from one’s mind. That’s because there’s such utter excitement with everything in the beginning. I always refer to that part of the relationship as the “gushy-gushy” phase.

During it, each individual becomes gushy while sharing first meals out together, first sunsets seen together, first sunrises together, first sexual connections together, first trips away together, first gifts received together, first movies together, and well I’m sure you get my point. The only loneliness usually felt during this time is when the two are apart and can’t wait to be back in each other’s company and arms.

But, what happens when all that gushiness starts to wear off? When the cute quirks of the other person that you really liked at first become more annoying than silly? When various negative behaviors start coming to light that your newly romantic heart wasn’t able to see so clearly early on? When their needs, wants, and desires begin to take a much higher priority over your own?

Well, you could do what I did. You could start jumping from relationship to relationship to relationship and keep that gushy-gushy feeling going from one person to the next, never allowing yourself to truly feel lonely for any great length of time. Except eventually, you’ll realize like I am now in my current relationship, that the feeling of loneliness has never left me, I just never remained still enough to see that. Yet, I am now, and here I am, on a Saturday night, after spending the entire day alone, and continuing to do the same this evening, sitting with this feeling, rather than doing something to run from it. Yet, that didn’t stop my ego from really attempting to lure me to do just that.

I’m thankful I didn’t. I’m thankful for spending my day entirely alone taking a little walk through a park by the river, watching a movie at the theater, getting some ice cream, taking a stroll around my neighborhood as the sun went down, watching some television and ending it by writing this article. While my ego definitely wanted me to do any number of things that would have staved off that feeling of loneliness for a short while, I resisted it for once and instead sat completely with the loneliness. It’s amazing just how long I’ve been running from dealing with this to be perfectly honest.

This is the very reason why I haven’t resorted to doing my old cut-n-run routines because maybe this is exactly where God wants me to be right now. Maybe I’m just meant to be looking more within than without, seeking a Higher Connection rather than a lower vibrational one, and learning to unconditionally love myself a lot more than I have over the years, when I was always looking for someone else to do that for me. As maybe then, that’s when my loneliness will truly go away, once and for all…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

If You Got A Do-Over…

If you suddenly woke up one morning and found yourself back in your ten-year-old self, but remembered everything from all of your life that you had lived thus far, would you do anything differently moving forward? Or would you go back through life again doing the exact same things all over again?

I’ve often thought about this very question, mainly because of the many fantasy-based television shows and films I’ve watched over the years that touched on this very notion. Honestly, given the amount of poor decisions I’ve made in this life that led me down many dark paths, I have often found myself wishing I had a do-over and could go back to an age where I was still pure and innocent, which would be around the age of 10.

To live out my youth again from that age, I would want to make so many changes, from connecting to God right from the start, to the sports I partook in, to the creative outlets I’d engaged in, to the avoidance of various individuals who brought much darkness into my life, to be free of all alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes from the beginning, to dealing with my sexuality when I hit puberty instead of over a decade later, to the areas of study I’d pursue and even the college I’d attend, I see a far different path than the one I ended up on.

I try not to fantasize my life away though, because the likelihood of me waking up one morning in my ten-year-old self remembering this challenging life I’ve lived so far, is probably not something that’s ever going to happen. Nevertheless, being 46 years old, soon to be 47, I’m doing my best to start my life over, right here, right now. These past few years I’ve shed so much of my former self, a self I never liked much, one that I absolutely feel got formed mostly by me conforming to the masses.

That’s why I regularly thank God I have a faith in Him now and am totally clean and sober from all my former addictions. And it’s why I thank God daily as well for helping me find the courage to start pursuing a few new areas of interest, like my writing and volunteering at places in need, and even getting much more active in my life of recovery itself. Unfortunately, my body is not able to engage in various physical activities that my kid inside me would really love to do at this time, nor do I have the mental and emotional faculties to start taking classes again at this time either. But I pray every day that my health will be fully restored and soon, mainly in the hopes to get a second chance at those things and more. In the meantime, I do my best to do what I can, especially things I never got to do growing up.

So yes, if I had a do-over, I would certainly try to change quite a bit. But at the present time I don’t and I have to live with all the decisions and consequences I made over the years. I’ve learned a lot from them though, that’s for sure, and much of who I am today is because of all those paths I went down, both dark and light, ever since I was a little kid. Many would say, I might never become the spiritually focused man I’ve become if I got a do-over and began changing it all. But somehow, I think that if I did, I’d find myself back at the very same spot I’m sitting in now, one where I’m living out a life of servitude to God and seeking Him for guidance and direction every, single, day. And truly, that’s the only thing that’s important to me nowadays.

Regardless, I don’t think my childhood fantasies of living out a do-over are shot just yet, because I think I’m actually in the midst of that very thing as I sit here and write these very words. My do-over of course is not as a 10-year-old kid, but as a 46-year-old adult instead. And it’s only by the Grace of God, the one who is always ready and willing to grant any of us a do-over at any point in life, that I was given a second chance, one that I know I’m not going to throw away, not now…and not ever again…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson