Category: Words To Live By

A friend of mine recently walked into Dollar General where he promptly was greeted by one of the workers there who said “Hey, aren’t you that kid I punched back in school when we were kids?” And indeed, it was that person who had bullied my friend in his early school years on a particular day when this guy felt like it would be a good idea to hit someone really hard for no specific reason.

So how does one respond to something like this? Well, the path my friend took was the cynical one, when he replied “Hey, aren’t you that guy who did nothing with his life and grew up to work at a Dollar General?” While that might seem funny at first and almost vindicating on some level, the end result really isn’t all that satisfying to the soul. The fact is my friend still resented this person afterwards and their sarcastic response merely only added onto it.

I too have been in this exact place before and said comments no different to those I still found myself resenting many years later. The downside to making them though is that it doesn’t do any good. It doesn’t heal that wound that’s been buried for years. It doesn’t take the pain away. And the reality is that it only adds onto it. This is precisely why I decided a bunch of years ago to forgive all the people who had ever harmed me and let all that anger and resentment go once and for all. And you know, doing so has helped me tremendously.

Now if I were to encounter a situation like my friend did at Dollar General, I’d take a totally different path than those old cynical and sarcastic ones. Instead, I’d reply “Hey, yeah, that was me and while it did hurt me for years afterwards, I want you to know that I forgave you for it and I really just hope you are doing well these days. Anyway, have a good day my friend.” And with that I’d head back out the store, free of the burden, free of the pain, and free of the resentment.

Saying something like this is truly so much more powerful because it’s removing the poison from my system instead of adding onto it. And just as important, the reality is that any burden that might be remaining is probably going to be on the former bully at Dollar General because it’s his guilty conscience that’s bringing it up all these years later, not mine.

So the next time you find yourself facing someone you still have resentment towards, take a moment, breath, and try communicating to them from a place of love, forgiveness and peace, instead of one that comes from darkness and hate. I can assure you that if you do, you’ll feel a lot freer in the end…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

With all the turmoil I’ve been going through in recent times with trying to figure out exactly what defines a friendship for me, my sponsor gave me a pretty simple homework assignment to do. Write a bulleted list of qualities I envision in a friend and don’t classify them under any friend delimiter such as “best”, “close”, “true”, “good”, or “casual”. So here goes:

• Someone who enjoys talking over the phone
• Someone who is compassionate
• Someone who makes an effort to make plans
• Someone who is willing to try new places, such as a restaurant
• Someone who will go out of their way to see how I’m doing when they haven’t heard from or seen me in awhile
• Someone who will return a phone call with a phone call and not via text message or not at all
• Someone who will tell me when they are upset with me and are also willing to work through it
• Someone who is spiritual and enjoys discussing spiritual topics
• Someone who isn’t dependent on alcohol or drugs
• Someone who believes in some sort of a Higher Power
• Someone who is fully honest
• Someone who tries to be supportive and uplifting
• Someone who doesn’t have to “squeeze me in” to spend time with them
• Someone who doesn’t try to make me be more like them
• Someone who doesn’t overly criticize or judge
• Someone who tries to be more positive than negative
• Someone who is ok to show their emotions, including crying
• Someone who is a good listener
• Someone who is ok to show friendly affection such as a hug
• Someone who doesn’t gossip

I’m sure this seems like a tall order for any person to ever qualify under as my friend, but I must say there actually are a few people already in my life that do fit this list. In fact, it is they who I envisioned as I wrote it out. So it’s my hope and prayer that in writing down each of these qualities I seek in a friend, that somehow it will help channel more of them to enter my life. And like so much of what I’m facing throughout my life as of late, I know that will happen in God’s timing and not my own…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Being an overly analytical type of guy my entire life has been both a blessing and a curse. The blessings have mainly come through any projects I ever undertook because with my great attention to detail, I usually have been able to complete most of them with ease and excellence. But there are plenty of times in my life as well where being so analytical has been more of a curse and this is something I’m facing in several areas of my life as of late.

With friendships, I regularly try to analyze to the Nth degree why I have very few of them. What this frequently translates into is me dissecting every aspect of my personality thinking there’s something wrong with me.

With my health, I regularly try to analyze to the Nth degree why I haven’t gotten better yet. What this frequently translates into is me questioning every element of my life that might still be causing or keeping me in any pain.

With my recovery, I regularly try to analyze to the Nth degree why sponsees disappear, why not everyone likes when I share at meetings, and why the AA promises don’t seem to be coming true for me lately. What this frequently translates into is me beating myself up and trying to push myself ever harder in my 12 Step program.

With my spirituality, I regularly try to analyze to the Nth degree why I haven’t been able to develop more connection to the spiritual realm, to my spiritual gifts, or to even why I’m here. What this consistently translates into is me adding more and more things to my daily spiritual routines, hoping any one of them might help improve those connections.

The curse in all of these overly analytical behaviors is that I become exhausted and lack acceptance. But the fact is, I know I’m doing my absolute best in every area of my life to grow. With that being said, my sponsors and teachers have continued to remind me that the rest is in my Higher Power’s control and not mine.

What they are saying is that my lack of friendships, my less than desired current state of health, my dilemmas in my 12 Step recovery program, and my longing for a stronger connection to the spiritual realm are just how they’re supposed to be right now and the only thing I can do is accept that. But trying to analyze why they are in the state is only going to keep on causing me greater suffering, misery, and pain.

So the work I really have cut out for me is to stop questioning, analyzing, and trying to figure out the entire why’s of my life. I don’t think I’m ever going to find all the answers I seek and in all honesty, for those times that I have, it’s only led to even further analytical behavior. The only solution I see for my overly analytical brain is the one I’m constantly led back to by so many. It’s to practice what page 417 in the 4^th edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says. And for those who might not know what this is, here’s an excerpt.

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation–some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson