Category: Words To Live By

Have you ever guilted someone into doing something you wanted only to see it not work out for you in the long run? I often wonder when this happens if its karma playing itself out. Regardless, I did this very thing recently and it ended with me having to make an amends over it.

It all started back in the early spring when I suggested to a long-standing friend from my college days to come visit me. When he initially expressed his concerns about his finances and the distance to come see me, I resorted to an old behavior and began giving him guilt trips. Sadly, I allowed the resurface of this old toxic conduct to last over the course of several months with him. Every time we spoke over the phone, I’d cite out plenty of ways how he could and should make the trip happen. Even worse, I also shamed him several times by mentioning all the other trips he planned on taking this year and how all he needed to do was sacrifice just one of them to come to see me. At some point heading into the early part of the summer, he eventually caved in and agreed to come for Labor Day weekend.

As the summer began to pass by after that, I didn’t dwell much anymore on this, other than when he’d mention he was looking for flights to come see me rather than driving the 7 to 8 hours. Unfortunately, when August rolled around, so did a huge rise to my ongoing struggles with pain. With it also came less of a desire to see my friend, knowing I wouldn’t be much for a good host or company. But, I decided to hold off from postponing his trip, hoping things might be better by the time he was to come.

Then came his phone call one afternoon last week where he said he had booked a plane ride to come see me that holiday weekend, as he decided he didn’t want to drive that long of a distance. I promptly spilled the beans about where my health has been at and how I’ve been mostly withdrawn more than not lately. I also told him that I’d been playing it by ear with his visit, waiting until it got closer. It was then agreed between the both of us that maybe it wasn’t the best time for him to come and thankfully he was able to get a full refund from his flight. But it’s what I discovered in our next conversation that led me to make an amends with him.

I asked him if he would have ever considered coming to see me in the first place if I hadn’t guilted him into doing it. His answer was no, for the same reasons he originally presented with finances and distance. And just as important, he also told me he hadn’t been looking forward much to the trip in recent weeks. I honestly don’t blame him for feeling this way because I clearly see now that this trip was never based upon my Higher Power’s will, it was totally based upon my own will.

It really was extremely selfish and self-seeking of me to coerce my college friend like I did into him coming to see me. I truly believe that with it eventually unraveling and being cancelled like it was, that it was probably for the better. While getting my way might have satisfied my ego early on, what I received in the long run from doing it wasn’t very good. I never did feel quite right with this trip and it was more than evident that neither did he.

Thankfully my friend forgave me and all is well now between us. We both agreed that we’d see each other in the future when we both felt it was the right time to do so. And who knows, maybe we both were meant to do something else during Labor Day weekend that was always meant to happen, but wouldn’t if this guilt-laden trip still took place? Nevertheless, I’m grateful for this good reminder of a spiritual lesson I learned long ago, that guilting someone into doing something I want never does lead to anything good for either involved…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

If you’ve ever attended a church service then you probably have heard the term “free will” before. If you haven’t, it is often said during many of them that all of us here on planet earth are given this from the day we are born, to the day we die, and what we do with it is up to us. For the longest time I utilized that principle to the extreme by living my life exactly how I wanted to live it, regardless of how God may have felt about it. But as I began to work a lot more on myself spiritually, the greater I became willing to give up my free will and ask instead for what God would want of me. Lately I’ve been struggling to stick with this though, solely because of the health issues I continue to deal with.

You see I’ve come to understand one thing about what it means to follow God’s will. Sometimes it involves a lot of waiting. In other words, it requires a tremendous amount of patience. While I’ve grown in that department quite a bit in the past few years, this summer has been particularly trying given how many I’ve already had to watch go by from the sidelines. Some of those who have witnessed my frustration over this recently have suggested that maybe God isn’t going to deliver me out of this and that I should use my free will to pursue other options. A few years ago it was rather easy for me to ignore when people said things like this to me, but now I feel it’s becoming more and more difficult to do and it’s caused me to occasionally ponder the free-will based choices I could pursue.

The first is one that any person who has lived with chronic pain on any level for an extended period has probably considered at some point or another, and that’s to take his or her own life. My father did this very thing because of his own pain and honestly, it’s really the last thing I would ever want to do. Yet on those days when my pain has been through the roof, I’d be lying if I said those thoughts didn’t cross my mind.

The second choice is to go back to an addiction-laden life. Basically, what that means is to spend the rest of my days in a haze of booze, drugs, and sex, because my brain says it will help me have a little more ease and comfort with what I’m going through. Unfortunately, my brain also tries to forget all the intense pain and suffering each of those addictions caused me the last time I engaged in any of them.

The third choice is the one that people seem to keep trying to push my way the most, and that’s to go back to doctors and get some prescriptions to help make things a lot easier for me. Ironically, my mind tries to convince me I should do this on a regular basis, even knowing that the last time I tried this route that it ended with me in even greater pain after a year of pursuing it.

Lastly, the fourth and final choice I have is to do keep on doing what I’ve been doing to heal, to adhere to my holistic path, and to trust and remain patient with God like I’ve been trying to do, day in and day out for a good while now. This of course is the healthiest choice of them all, and truly the only one where I believe my free will matches that of God’s will.

Thus I believe it’s pretty clear what the best choice is for me. It’s the one where I continue remaining patient, enduring this pain, and maintaining faith that the path I’ve chosen will pay off. I’ve made it this far under God’s watch, so as much as my ego keeps trying to convince me to exercise my free will and try something else, I’m opting to stay with option #4, because it’s the only one that I truly believe will bring me to the other side of this…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I own both a Tarot and Oracle card deck that from time to time, I actually pray to God holding one of them in my hand and ask for a guiding message to help me when I’m really struggling with some aspect of my life. Recently, I did just that on a day when I was beating myself up a little around why I haven’t gotten healthier yet given all the hard work I’ve been putting in to get there the last few years. Ironically the card I pulled out of my Archangel Michael Oracle deck that day was exactly the message I know I needed to hear in that moment and it’s something I know I truly need to pay greater attention to.

But before I speak to what the actual card said, I feel the need to first say that I don’t believe card readings are evil or devil worshipping in any way, unless that is the intention one tries to place into them. For myself, anytime I’ve ever gone and had a reading done or given myself one, I’ve always asked God to guide it and to show me a message for my highest good. This is precisely what I did the other day when I was sitting in my office feeling extremely blue while holding onto my Oracle deck.

As I shuffled the cards from it over and over again, I kept asking God to let me know something…anything…that might help me on the healing path I’ve been on with God for so long now. I honestly was in serious need of a little hope at that moment. Suddenly, in the midst of me shuffling the 44 cards in my hands again for the umpteenth time, a card flipped out of the deck face up that said “Be Gentle With Yourself”. Immediately I began to tear up as I read the words in the guidebook that accompanies it:

“Archangel Michael is guiding you toward honoring your sensitivity – emotionally and physically. You’ve been pushing yourself too hard, while often berating yourself for “imperfections,” which are in your imagination. This card serves as a reminder that you’re doing the best you can in the circumstances you’re dealing with. So give yourself a break, slow down, and be good to yourself.”

And the prayer that followed these words made even more sense to me with where I’ve been at lately:

“Archangel Michael, please guide me in treating myself with gentle, nurturing love in everything I think, speak, and do. Help me know that I deserve this compassion. I release any feelings of guilt to you so that I may experience lasting inner peace.”

The reason why this card was so fitting for me and ultimately continues to be even now as I write this entry days later is this. I often beat myself up thinking there’s some part of my life that I’m not trying hard enough in or doing well enough in, that’s somehow preventing me from getting better. But seeing those words that said I’m doing the best I can given my circumstances, caused me to sob for a few minutes.

You see, having been in the place I’ve been in with high levels of pain over the past three years, I’ve driven myself so hard at times to reach a level of spiritual perfection thinking it will hopefully bring me out of the depths of despair I often find myself in. And on that day when I was doing this reading, what I really was thinking inside while shuffling the Oracle cards was maybe God would show me some area of my life that I can still work on to get me in a much better state of health.

Sometimes I think God and his angels and archangels have a good sense of humor because the answer I got from the card that flipped out of my deck then was exactly what I needed to be reminded of. I haven’t been gentle with myself much at all lately and I know I need to focus a lot more on doing that then I have been.

So in the end what I’ve taken away from the single card reading I did the other day is quite simple. I’m doing the best I can and truly the only thing I need to concentrate on is being a little more kind and loving to myself, because really, I think that’s something we all need to start doing a lot more for ourselves in life, especially me, don’t you agree? 🙂

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson