Category: Words To Live By

I haven’t been to many concerts throughout my life so far, about three actually if I was to be exact. For some reason, it never has quite appealed to me sitting in a large crowd listening to someone perform their music very loudly when I could hear it much better in the comfort of my own home or car. While there have been a few artists who I always said I’d go see if they came around locally to perform, I never made any effort to do so when they did. That was until recently when one of my favorite groups of all time, Hall & Oates, came into town for a concert in the amphitheater at the Toledo Zoo.

I totally grew up liking just about every song Hall & Oates put out on the airwaves. Some of my favorites included Maneater, Kiss On My List, Private Eyes, and I Can’t Go For That. When I hear any of these songs or plenty of others from this group played on the airwaves today, I’m always reminded of some good memories from my younger years. My mother unquestionably loved this group as much as I did and the two of us would often sing the lyrics of the songs together when we heard them over the radio. I probably shouldn’t admit to the other good memory though because it’s a little embarrassing, but I will anyway by saying I used to dance to them alone in front of a huge mirror in the living room of my childhood home.

So you can probably imagine how excited I was when I learned Hall & Oates was coming to Toledo in the end of July to perform. And if it gives you any idea how much I truly like this group, I decided it was absolutely necessary to overcome my dislike of crowded concerts solely to attend theirs. I immediately purchased tickets for my partner and I the day they went on sale and we were four rows back from the stage with an aisle seat and the next one in.

I must say I did have a big fear sit within me on and off all the way up to the day of their actual performance. Given my health issues having been so unpredictable as of late, I worried that I might not be able to enjoy the concert if my pain levels were high. I’m thankful to report though that fear never came to fruition. In fact, I felt well enough to even stand and dance a little in front of my seat throughout the night. And other than a few drunken people who kept invading my personal space during it, I have to say it was well worth the $160 I splurged for the two tickets.

But I think the best memory I’m going to remember of me at this concert is the one where I paused bobbing my head for a moment while I sat there in my seat. As it was then when I thought of my mother, hoping she was there somehow, sitting next to me, and singing along just like we used to do together when I was a kid. This is why I fully believe that music really can be a key to the soul sometimes, because Hall & Oates did exactly that for me when one of their songs re-connected me to a mother who I miss dearly, and that alone was priceless…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

About a year ago, I helped to start a men’s group here in Toledo that’s part of a self-empowerment organization I initially joined back in 1999. We meet every other week with our only goal being we use the tools we learned from the organization to work through any of our own issues we’re facing in life. I’ve actually been a part of a number of these groups over the years in the various cities I’ve lived in, and have used them time and time again to break through many areas of my life I felt totally blocked in. Unfortunately, the one I’m currently a member of seems to have reached an impasse lately over an issue that deals with my partner.

Recently he decided he was finally ready to go on the same weekend retreat I went on all those years ago to join this organization. I was more than overjoyed to hear this news and truly looked forward to having him come to our group once he completed the weekend. You see the only requirement we initially established for our group was that each member had to have gone through the initial weekend. When I brought this information to the group and informed them my partner would hopefully soon be qualified to be amongst us, one of our members was completely against the idea. His reasoning was that he felt it might become couple’s therapy if my partner and I were in the same group together.

Sadly, after I said I understood his concerns, each of my suggestions on how we could handle my partner’s potential future presence was rejected. His only solution was that my partner locates another group to be a member of, but alas there isn’t actually one within 60 miles for him to attend. Upon further discussion around this issue, I discovered my fellow member wasn’t comfortable as well with anyone in the group being related to anyone else on any level. For him, it would make him feel totally unsafe. Ironically, I’m the complete opposite of him.

While the presence of any new member in our group (related to someone else or not) could cause me to feel unsafe, the tools of the organization allow me to work through them and grow stronger spiritually. Regrettably, my fellow group member disagrees and appears to be unwilling to even try using those tools to work through this issue at the present time. I tried my best to help him become more open to the idea, but it was to no avail. If my partner were allowed to come, he would leave. Unfortunately, his ultimatum has only caused the group to polarize, especially me.

Regardless of whether this was my partner coming to the group or someone else’s, or regardless if it was another member’s father, brother, uncle, or grandfather coming really doesn’t matter to me. I have learned through this organization that I can grow exponentially by walking through my fears and sitting amongst anyone who shows up, even if their presence makes me feel uncomfortable at first. Sure, I could have my judgments on the worst that could happen if two people connected so closely were sitting in the same group with each other, but allowing them to control me is only going to keep me in fear and prevent me from growing through those challenging places in life.

That’s why I choose today to walk through my fears, and do whatever it takes to get through them. Of course I have my concerns about my partner being in the same self-empowerment group as myself, but I also believe that if we use the same tools I learned so long ago in this organization that I know work, it may actually be a great thing, not just for our relationship, but also for the growth of the group.

Sadly, it appears as if my fellow group member is not so ready to walk through his own fears with this and feels that leaving the group is his only choice to deal with it if it should happen. I know that place very well in life, as I spent far too many years running away from one fear after another. The only good that did was keep me a prisoner of them and living a very unsettled life.

So while I can’t say I know what the actual outcome is going to be with my partner and my group, I can say my only desire is to continue remaining 100% open in life to walking through all of my fears, even when I have no idea what’s going to happen on the other side of me doing so. I only pray my fellow group member will one day be open to doing the same.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Have you ever found out about a get-together of people you were close to after the fact? In other words, have you ever discovered you weren’t invited to a friend’s event once it had already taken place? This happened to me just recently when I learned about a game night a friend of mine had, days after it transpired.

Group game nights are just one of the many events I enjoy about the fellowship of recovery. Back in Massachusetts I regularly attended many of these that friends in recovery held at their homes. In Toledo, there’s a bunch of us here too that do the same, occasionally getting together to play things like Euchre or Cards Against Humanity. So when I discovered the other day that one of these game nights had already taken place with that group of friends, I immediately called the one who had held the get-together at his house to find out why I hadn’t been asked to come. Interestingly enough, I was a little shocked at his response.

Apparently I actually had been on his list to invite but another fellow invitee said he wouldn’t attend if I were going to be there. While I had no idea that anyone was holding a grudge against me in this circle of friends, the sad truth was that it ended up putting my friend in a place where he felt he had to choose. And eventually he made the choice to not invite me solely because an out-of-town guest coming to the event had very strong ties to this resentment-filled person, thus he felt there was more of a reason for him to be there than I.

I feel bad for this friend having to choose like he did, having to be put in that uncomfortable position. Personally, I would have handled it different though if the tables were turned. The fact is any individual who says they won’t attend an event because someone else is going to be there they don’t like, that’s ultimately on them. Expecting the host to make a choice is really being unfair, codependent and quite unhealthy.

Nonetheless, it was still difficult to have been left out of an event I normally would have been invited to and attended. But in all honesty, I’m not the least bit angry or resentful, because I tend to believe that things happen for a reason. The night this game night took place, I ended up spending time getting to know a relatively new friend a lot better and going to a meeting with him I never attended before. Even better, the speaker at the meeting was actually another friend of mine I had never heard tell their entire story to recovery before.

So while I may be a little sad that a resentment prevented me from attending a game night with a group of my friends, I’ve decided to accept there was a much better plan for me that evening, one that brought me closer to someone new, and one that moved my heart closer to my Higher Power. And hopefully the next time my friend has a game night, he’ll invite everyone, regardless of whether someone has an issue with another or not…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson