Category: Words To Live By

About a year ago, a close friend of mine discovered the person he was dating for many years was not who they said they were by any means. In fact, the name, marital status, and other pertinent information of this person were found out to be all lies. But what has shocked me the most out of that situation though is that one year later, my friend has decided to take another chance again with the very same person, which I have struggled with greatly on what stance I’m supposed to take being their good friend.

Let me first say I’m a firm believer that telling any type of lies is just poison to the soul and poison to anyone they are directed towards. They corrode our every fiber and at some point, the more a person continues to tell them, the more they and those they affect become spiritually sick.

This is specifically why I honestly can’t imagine ever taking someone back nowadays who lied to me for years and years, even if I still loved them quite deeply. Look, it’s one thing to tell a lie here and there out of fear and then later own up to it when the guilt sets in. But to carry on such deep ones for so long and build a relationship around them is something else altogether. And the only reason why my friend ever even exposed them in the first place was solely because he did some serious digging due to his increasing doubt. With that being said, while I believe forgiveness can happen in situations with lies as deep as these ones went, gaining trust back is going to be extremely difficult.

Nevertheless, when my friend told me the other day he had gotten back together with this person and already spent a weekend with them, I chose to remain non judgmental. The reality is that I too have been in his very same shoes more than once in my life and I can safely say that even when friends told me their strong opinions on how I should get out of those relationships, I stayed in them anyway. Why? Because I was seriously codependent, afraid to be alone, and completely clueless on how much better I deserved in life. But the sad thing is that the longer I allowed any of those past relationships to go on where I was being regularly lied to, the greater I became depressed, worried, anxious, and fearful and the more I felt miserable on a regular basis.

Thankfully, I’m not in a relationship like that anymore. I actually have a partner now who is working on being 100% honest with me. While we did have a time almost two years ago now that was based around a pretty serious lie that I discovered, we were able to work beyond it through prayer and the grace of God. Thus, this is precisely why I have no business judging my friend on his return to a relationship that was originally based mostly around lies. The fact is I’m not God, which means I don’t know where his relationship will head from here. For all I know, maybe it will be based upon nothing but the truth from this point forward. Regardless, I only pray that my friend isn’t hurt again, because in the long run, a relationship of lies will only end in ruin and I know my friend definitely deserves a lot better than that…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Approximately one week ago I heard this person share at a recovery meeting that they’d been sober for 10 months, but weren’t feeling so great about their life. They said that everyone else seemed to be doing so much more interesting things in life than them and then asked a question that drove the meeting’s topic that day.

“Is that all there is?”

What they were referring to is whether life had anything better to offer them than their current circumstances. I have to say that I could most definitely relate, because I have stood in that very spot time and time and time again, until I realized I needed to look a lot more within rather than outside of me.

The fact is I asked myself that very question,” Is that all there is?” after I bought my first home.

I asked myself “Is that all there is?” after buying several new expensive cars.

I asked myself “Is that all there is?” after buying my own B&B on an island surrounded by beautiful beaches.

I asked myself “Is that all there is?” after being on a bunch of luxury cruises on the ocean.

I asked myself “Is that all there is?” after acquiring the priciest cell phones and laptops.

I asked myself “Is that all there is?” after spending a month travelling throughout Europe.

I asked myself “Is that all there is?” after dining out at some of the most costly restaurants in the world.

I asked myself “Is that all there is?” after flying long distance on an all first-class flight.

The reality is that I asked myself “Is that all there is” constantly over the course of two decades of my life while I continued to look for happiness outside of myself. It wasn’t until I began to search within and learn to love myself a lot more did any of this change.

Thankfully, I can now sit in my backyard or spend time in the garden or work on a puzzle, all completely alone, and be 100% ok with it, even while knowing all those things are out there in the world that I could be doing like those who are doing them. And while my state of health has been currently preventing me from doing many more things that I’d like to do in life, it’s ultimately caused me to truly appreciate the simple things that I somehow always overlooked before.

The happiness I seek today really is from within, and not outside of me. It’s something that’s taken a lot of hard work and in all honesty, is still a work in progress. But the good thing is I don’t find myself asking, “Is that all there is?” anymore, mostly because I know now that my own happiness can’t come from any person, place, or thing outside of me. It’s only going to ever come from unconditionally loving myself from deep within, because through that, I know I’ll find appreciation in everything I already have…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Have you ever had a special day planned, one you were truly looking forward to, only to see it be spoiled somewhat by some health issues when that day arrived? Just a few weeks ago this very thing happened to me on my 43^rd birthday, and by the time it was over, I was feeling very sad and frustrated and having no gratitude whatsoever. But thankfully I remembered that gratitude can be practiced at any point in time, even for things that have already taken place, which is precisely what today’s entry is all about, making a little gratitude list for my 43^rd birthday.

• I’m grateful that I had my loving partner Chris to spend my birthday with, as there have been many birthday’s where I was either alone or allowing myself to be verbally abused by someone.

• I’m grateful I made it to my recovery home group on my birthday because it’s also the same day I celebrated my AA anniversary. There I received my 20^th year medallion, which is a far cry from the many birthdays I never went to a meeting at all and had my medallion sent to me in the mail.

• I’m grateful one of my sponsees and his wife took my partner and I out to a nice lunch by the water on my birthday, as there were so many birthdays I either paid people to go out with me or had to pay for myself when all my friends said they were broke.

• I’m grateful Chris treated me to a one-night stay at an amazing hotel on my birthday. There I enjoyed sitting on my room’s balcony that overlooked a river, relaxing in my room’s huge whirlpool tub, riding down a pretty cool tube-based slide on a raft several times (one even with Chris), and swimming in a very quiet indoor pool. Once again, I can recollect too many birthdays where I paid people to go on a trip with me enticing them with a stay at some lavish hotel.

• I’m grateful for the bountiful German dinner and breakfast I had with my partner on my birthday where I ate things like chicken schnitzel, cheesecake, Quiche Raclette and Austrian pancakes, as there were plenty of birthdays where my meals were nothing to write home about at all.

• I’m grateful for the homemade cheeses and cupcakes Chris bought for me the next morning, as they are treats I’m still enjoying even now. This is definitely different from the many birthdays where I had nothing left to enjoy once the day passed.

• I’m grateful for all those people who either called me, texted me, or Facebook messaged me on my birthday, as there were quite a substantial amount of them. The fact is I’ve experienced far too many birthdays where unless I told people about it, hardly anyone would remember.

• I’m grateful for the conversation I had with my spiritual teacher on my birthday, as she had just the right words to say that helped me to feel a little better, which is contrary to some birthdays where people would tell me to just get over it if I wasn’t feeling so great.

• I’m grateful for the special present my sister sent me on my birthday from Edible Arrangements and for the gift card my partner gave me to Starbucks, as I know there have been birthdays where I didn’t have anything to open at all.

• I’m grateful to my friends Jym and DW for taking care of my home and my cat for free while I was away for the night, as I used to be pretty hard-pressed to find anyone who would do anything for me out of the kindness of their heart on prior birthdays.

• And last, but really the most important to me, I’m grateful to God for helping me have the courage to look back on this year’s 43^rd birthday and find some gratitude in it, as I know that there were way too many birthdays throughout my life where I had little to no connection with God at all.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson