Crosby, Texas

Everyone knows that it’s quite possible for memories to fade, especially as one grows older. Sometimes they’re the short-term ones and other times, they are the long-based ones. Given this fact, I have to say there are some of my memories I hope I never forget. One of which is something I decided to write about today and that was my childhood experiences in Crosby, Texas.

Crosby, Texas is a rural community about 25 miles away from Houston that has a population of around 2220. There’s really not much to do in the town itself, but it does hold a special place in my heart for one reason and one reason only. It’s the place where my mother’s parents owned a lake house that I visited every single year growing up until just before it sold in the mid to late 90’s.

I truly have very fond memories of this lake house. It was situated in a small community off a road named Appaloosa Trail and was the third to last house on a dead-end cul-de-sac. For about two weeks every year, my family would visit my Grandma and Grandpa Tenz there. Most often it was to get away for a quick stint from the cold winters we experienced in upstate New York.

I was always so excited to fly Pan Am Airlines there, as back then flying was a lot more fun. On those flights, I’d get a full meal in coach class, a wing pendant from the captain, and even a new deck of cards to play with from the stewardess. But the first real treat I got was once we landed and walked down the jetway, because it was then I felt that warm, humid air hit my face, given how different it was from the cold, dry one I had just left a few hours earlier.

My grandparents always gave me a huge, warm hug, as they greeted us once we entered the terminal because back then everyone was allowed to wait by the gate. Leaving the airport was fun as well because the parking garages had these huge cylinders that cars had to drive around to get out of them. It constantly felt like a mini-roller coaster to me. My grandparents drove Pontiac Bonneville’s, one brown and one blue, each with plush interiors and AC consistently cranked. Ironically that blue one would become my first car many years later. Anyway, the drive home from there was mostly country, but I fondly remember we always had to cross Lake Houston on a bridge that felt quite peaceful to me. I think that’s mostly because my grandparents had a patio you could sit out on and see the sunset over both that bridge and the adjacent railroad one too. And I frequently thought it was kind of neat to watch trains cross the water from their house, especially when they blew their whistle and roared across it.

Passing into Crosby, Texas held one other distinct memory for me as well. On either side of the road were these small metal cranes that were constantly moving up and down, bringing oil to the surface. The immediate sight of them was when I knew we were almost to our lakefront destination. And not too long after, we’d take a right turn into their development that I can honestly say I don’t know how it looks anymore, as it’s been almost 20 years since I last drove down Appaloosa Trail. But back then, the houses were all relatively small and unique looking, evenly spaced from one another, each with very coarse and short cut grass. The very last thing we’d pass prior to actually entering their driveway was a small playground on the right and a golf course on the left. I used to play on that playground quite a bit, enjoying the most a circular contraption that kids pushed you around on until you got dizzy.

Anyway, the first thing I’d generally notice while pulling into the open carport that never had any garage doors was the small fire pit along the driveway. I used to love burning some of the brush and debris there and smelling the smoke in the air. The driveway also had a nice slant to it, which made it a great place to ride bikes or play outdoor games on.

As for my grandparent’s one story home, one might say it was not all that spectacular to look at, nor large by any standards, although I found great beauty in it. Each of its bedrooms were quaint, especially the one my sister and I shared, which contained two bunk beds. As a young kid, I liked sleeping on the top bunk the most, but as I grew older, I gravitated towards staying down below instead.

Across from our room were the front door and a bathroom, and a small hallway that led to either the main room or my grandfather’s office where he collected and stored each of his stamps and coins. The other side of his office was the guest room where my parents stayed that contained a second door to my grandparent’s room. It was rarely opened and next to their bedroom were the other bathroom and small hallway that also led into the main room, which really was my favorite part of the inside of the house to spend time in.

In this room were huge vaulted ceilings that had exposed wooden beams sprawled across it. I often tried to jump as high as I could to see if I could touch them, but I never did. The room was also filled with a huge beige sectional, two rocking recliners, a color television that got about 7 stations, floor to ceiling windows that either looked out onto the driveway or out onto the lake, and a tiny kitchen that had a long countertop, which reminded me of one that could be seen at an old-fashioned soda fountain. We ate all our meals at this countertop on tall spinning stools, which of course I always liked to see how fast and how many revolutions I could do when on one. Breakfast was always my favorite there only because my grandmother bought the 12-pack of those sugar cereals that my parents only let us eat on vacation.

The most alluring parts of the property though for everyone were the wooden deck, the backyard, and the dock, boat and lake just down the winding sidewalk. I spent a lot of time out there exploring like a kid usually does continually finding tons of lizards, spiky balls that dropped from trees that hurt incredibly if you stepped on them, ducks, and plenty of other things in nature to enjoy, like the drainage ditch that went into the lake or the waves that crashed up onto the cement wall.

I learned how to waterski, and fish in that lake and even remember being able to drive my grandparent’s boat a few times down to the dam. But ultimately, I think what I remember most often from each of my trips to their lake house in Crosby, Texas was how my family would somehow come together and act like a family for the time we were there. We played games, took walks, had long bike rides for sodas and frozen treats, watched shows on television, go out to nice dinners, and laugh a lot.

While we haven’t owned that home in almost two decades, and while Crosby, Texas may be a distant memory for me now, it’s still one that brings me warm thoughts anytime I think about my vacations there. I really miss those times, mostly because I don’t remember the fighting, the arguing, and the misery that often came in our home back in New York, but for whatever the reason, life on Appaloosa Trail for me was how I always imagined family life could be. I thank God for these memories and truly am grateful to have a place that will forever hold a loving place in my heart.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Don’t Engage, Disengage!

What do you do when a person suddenly verbally attacks you with some vicious words? Do you engage and throw your own verbal nastiness back or do you disengage and walk away? For most of my life I’ve done the former, until I began to realize it was directly affecting my ability to find any bit of serenity in this world. But over the past few years, I begun practicing the latter, and have experienced a lot more peace because of it. In fact, I had one such occasion about a week ago.

It occurred over the Facebook chat tool when out of the clear blue I received a message from someone I knew who I had a checkered past with, but hadn’t talked to in a good while. They had apparently read some of my recent blog entries and had some choice words to say about them. They most definitely were derogatory in nature and it was more than evident they were trying to tear my character apart. They claimed I was becoming a religious nut and that no one could go through the changes I’ve been going through, because apparently they feel people are who they are and never change much in life. Ironically, this is not the first time I’ve dealt with this since I undertook writing a blog that looks for the spirituality in everything.

After reading their messages a few times, I must be honest and say that my ego really wanted to react. It wanted to fight back and give this person a piece of my mind. But I didn’t. Why? Because I realize today that by engaging in a verbal battle, it causes not one, but two people to become irritated, angry, or resentful. It was apparent that this person was feeling those things by their words after reading them, except I wasn’t. That would have changed immediately though by saying what my ego wanted me to say and stepping into that verbal battle. Instead, I prayed for this person, sent them love, forgiveness, and peace and then deleted their messages, feeling a lot more serene in the process.

I had completely forgotten about the whole incident until the next morning, which was when I received another message from this person, except this time it was a sincere apology. In it, they owned up to their harsh words and felt bad about what they had said to me. I actually did respond to this message by saying thank you and that I had already forgiven them.

The bottom line with today’s entry is this. It’s my firm belief that engaging in any verbal battle with someone else that has just attacked you is exactly what he or she wants. Anyone who’s saying nasty things to you is already somewhat spiritually off-balanced in life. Joining them in the battle through your own verbal attacks on their character is only going to cause you to become more spiritually off-balanced in life as well. This is why I find it’s so much better these days to disengage and walk away from these types of situations, all while blessing the verbal attacker with love, forgiveness, and peace. While it may challenge your ego to take this higher road, I can promise you that you’ll end up feeling a lot more peaceful and serene in doing so…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Waiting On God

I truly believe I have a relationship with God. And like any relationship, it takes work for it to grow. There is the work I’m responsible for of course, and there is work God is responsible for as well. But the hardest thing I feel arises in this specific relationship is the part about waiting on God to do God’s part of the work.

I’m sure anyone who’s ever walked a path of faith has faced this. And it normally seems to appear when a prayer to God has gone unanswered for a good while. Why that prayer has gone unanswered could be for an infinite number of reasons, but does that mean that God isn’t doing God’s part of the work to help the relationship grow?

The course one takes at a juncture such as this with God is different for everyone. Up until just a few years ago, I had a very limited window of how long I’d wait on God to do anything for our relationship. And when it didn’t happen in the time I thought it should, I always took matters into my own hands. In other words, I took control and attempted to do God’s work in our relationship as well.

What’s interesting is how similar this is to how I used to live my life with any of my other relationships. Take for example each of my previous partners. When they weren’t living up to how I thought the relationship should be growing, I either tried to force them into doing the work or I left them and moved on to someone else.

Ironically, I’m facing this very thing now both with God and my current partner. With my partner, he’s currently working on himself with things he’s put off for years and at times I’ve been on the receiving end of those areas he hasn’t worked on yet. This has only precipitated that old desire to try taking control over some aspect of his life. But anytime I’ve tried to, it really hasn’t worked out so well and only caused more hiccups in our relationship. In all actuality, that was true of each of the past times I did the same behavior in prior relationships too. Not too long ago, I began to realize the same thing ultimately holds true with God as well. After all, I have a relationship with God and anytime I ever felt God wasn’t doing God’s part of the work in our relationship, I’ve gone into control mode, which consistently only led to disastrous results.

The lesson I’ve learned through all this is who am I to say that God or anyone else for that matter isn’t doing their part of the work in the relationship I have with them. I’m not them, so I actually can’t ever fully know. There are things my partner surprises me with on most days, which constantly remind me that he is working on both himself and our relationship. The same holds true with God. Just because one of my prayers has gone unanswered for a good while doesn’t mean God isn’t working on our relationship, as I’ve seen plenty of other areas of my life where God has demonstrated God’s love for me.

So my conclusion is this. I think it’s better to keep waiting on God and continue believing God’s doing a tremendous amount of work to grow our relationship, rather than taking matters into my own hands. While there may be the one thing that has gone unanswered for years with God, even through all the hard work I’ve done to grow closer to God, I honestly still believe it’s better to keep on waiting, then forge another path that most likely is only going to end in nothing more than greater pain, frustration and doubt…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson