The Twelfth Step

If someone asked one of your closest friends what they thought your biggest character defect was, what do you think they’d say? Or is this a silly question to you because you believe you don’t have any?

Why I ask these questions is that many often focus on other people’s character defects more so than their own, never really knowing how glaring some of them are to those closest to them. Trust me, I was once completely oblivious myself to the notion that I had any shortcomings.

Nevertheless, character defects are usually defined as any unwanted behavior or trait generally selfish and self-centered in nature. Some obvious examples of them include gossiping, backstabbing, lying, or manipulating. A few less obvious include silent scorn, laziness, boasting, and being greedy. But there are countless others as well.

When I first got sober from alcohol and drugs, I wholeheartedly believed the only character defect I had was me overly engaging in the addiction itself. Sadly, it took me 12 years of being sober, engaging in plenty of other addictions, and not ever working a recovery program to finally figure out how mistaken I was. I had been so oblivious to my own character defects because I always focused on pointing them out in everyone else instead. Thankfully, my recovery program helped me to begin seeing the real truth.

Nowadays, I’m pretty open to admitting and talking about all of my character defects. If I had to guess which is my most prevalent and one those closest to me have seen me exhibit, it’s either that I’m too hard on myself or that I’m too hard on others when it comes to spiritual growth.

With myself, I frequently think I should be much farther along on my spiritual path than I am. So any time I do a behavior that’s blatantly selfish or self-centered, I have the propensity to punish myself in some way verbally, and occasionally even physically (like picking at my blemishes until they bleed.)

In regards to others with this character defect, I have been inclined at times to point out in them the areas they should be working harder on instead of praising them for the growth they’re making. Unfortunately, my partner has been the one who tends to be on the receiving end of this character defect the most.

Working on removing character defects such as these has at times been an arduous process, but one that is definitely paying off. Those closest to me have said I’m becoming a lot less selfish and self-centered because of it, which is why I know that this needs to become a life-long process. The fact is, I honestly don’t like the person I once was, when I was clueless to just how boisterously loud and unattractive my character defects were to everyone else. I know the key to prevent this from ever happening again is to continue seeking God’s will.

I must say though that I don’t think any of us in this world are free from character defects nor do I believe we can ever free ourselves completely from them either. But I do feel that the more we draw closer to God or whomever our Higher Power is, the more we’ll see them in ourselves and the more we’ll have the desire to work through them. And the more we see them in ourselves and the more we work on them, the subtler they’ll going to become.

Regardless, I’m just glad I can at least admit to myself these days that I do have character defects, because in doing so, I’m humbling myself. And having humility is truly the most important step needed for seeing that one has character defects in the first place…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson