The Twelfth Step

Earlier this year my partner and I began attending the Glass City Men’s Coffee Group here in Toledo, which consists of gay men who meet every Tuesday night at various coffee shops, restaurants, and member’s homes for great conversation, food, and of course coffee. What’s ironic about this is that it’s doing something quite out of my norm.

About five years ago, I actually stopped hanging around the whole gay scene because I had grown tired and weary of what usually went on during most of the things I attended in it. Conversations always seemed to be sexualized. Cruising others was a constant norm. Gossip and judgments ran rampant. And open promiscuity was often present as well. None of which were in alignment with my spiritual journey anymore.

Occasionally though I’d make a gay friend or two, or sometimes a gay couple, usually from my recovery from addiction realm, who shared similar feelings as I and my hanging out with them here and there would become the extent to my gay social calendar. Thus going to things like gay pride, gay bars, gay pool parties, gay camping trips, gay drag shows, and plenty more, were all thrown to the wayside, simply because I just didn’t enjoy those things anymore whenever I went to them.

But back in February here in Toledo, I met a guy named Carl at a party that a local businessman and friend was throwing for his community. And it was Carl who told me about this Glass City Men’s Coffee Group during the course of our conversation. When I told him the truth that I normally didn’t attend most gay-based things anymore and why, he suggested I give this group a chance because it didn’t fit that mold.

A few months later I finally did, and I’m grateful to God for that because I actually enjoyed it. But far more important than that was the lesson I learned in continuing to go and that was the realization that I really had been doing nothing more than placing judgment on the gay community as a whole every time I avoided doing anything that was gay-based. And overall, I truly had totally polarized myself completely away from in some aspects, a part of me.

Thus I’m thankful I’m far more open to change these days than I used to be. I give credit to God for this, as my faith in God has led to some pretty wonderful changes in my life like going to this group.

The bottom line is that this Glass City Men’s Coffee Group here in Toledo, which officially began back in the late 1960’s, is a wonderful collection of gay men who have truly opened my eyes to the notion that there is a lot more to the gay culture than just cruising, sex, gossip, and the like. I have already made a few new friends in the process because of attending this group and look forward to continuing to be a part of something that ultimately showed me there is depth in the gay culture and that it was only me and my judgments that blinded me from seeing this…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson