The Twelfth Step

…you knew you were going to die at the end of the day?” This was a question each of us were asked last week in my ManKind Project (MKP) group during one of our evening’s exercises and it’s one I’ve been pondering ever since.

I would venture to guess very few of us in this world think about things like this on a daily basis. In fact, most of us probably think about things that are the exact opposite of this such as the plans we might make for tomorrow, the day after, maybe next week, next month, or even next year. But what if somehow you truly knew you were going to die at the end of the day?

Ok, I know it’s a preposterous question on some level, but using an example that’s potentially realistic, let’s pretend a huge solar flare or a meteor is slated to wipe out the planet by the end of the day. Would you do anything differently?

I think my answer to this question has definitely changed over the years. In the past, I’d probably answer it by saying I’m going to find someone to hook up with, or get wasted, high, and trip on magic mushrooms, or find something else to just numb myself from the inevitable. But thankfully I can say that’s quite far from the truth for me these days. Instead, I’d simply want to make sure I’d forgiven everyone who had ever harmed me and ensure I’ve released any anger or resentments that may still reside within me. I’d also want to let those know who are closest to me how much I unconditionally love them. And finally I’d probably just want to sit by the body of water closest to me (Lake Erie) and appreciate God’s beauty as I take my last breaths of this life.

I know these things may sound overly boring to you, especially given if it was my final day on Earth. But the simple truth is that when I leave this life, I just want to know that I left it in peace on every level within me. That’s most likely why I’m already choosing to do these things every single day because I really have no idea if tomorrow will ever come. And while I have no idea what really takes place after I die, I honestly don’t want to find out what would happen if I die with hate, anger, or resentment in my heart, or choose to take my final breaths in a total state of numbness.

Sometimes I wonder if the state we leave this life in is the same state we enter the next one in initially. Who knows? What I do know though is that my answer to the question of what I’d do differently if I was going to die at the end of the day is nothing, because I’m already doing it. Thus I would continue to do my very best to be at peace with everyone and everything around me for however remaining breaths I had.

So what would you do differently if you knew you were going to die at the end of the day? Think about it. You may be surprised at your answer, or maybe you won’t…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I had a dream the other night of a person who only recently has become an estranged friend in my life. This was the same person I wrote about not too long ago who accidentally butt-dialed me in which I overheard them speaking negatively of me. Thankfully, the dream I had of them wasn’t negative though. Instead it played out something that I know my heart wishes for which is reconciliation.

I’m not one to hold onto grudges, resentments, or ill-will with anyone these days. I find it toxic to my mind, body, and soul when I do hold onto any of that. This principle obviously holds true with this estranged friend as evident in my dream, as there we shared a moment where I let them know I wasn’t mad and had already forgiven them. After this we embraced where they proceeded to sob in my arms, letting me know they were ready to let go of their own pain as well.

While I hold out hope that something similar to this scenario may happen one day with this person, I was at least comforted to see my subconscious wasn’t holding onto any negative feelings toward them either. But sadly, I know I can’t force reconciliation with them, especially if they’re not ready.

This became rather evident when I went to a meeting last week where this personally normally attends. I had some fear walking in, as I wasn’t sure if they would even greet me. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to see because I found out later they pulled into the parking lot and decided not to come in.

I know things like this get resolved in God’s timing and not my own, it’s just frustrating having to wait. And in all honesty, it feels like I’m having to wait on God lately for pretty much everything in my life to get resolved and that seems to be taking an incredible amount of patience and walking through a ton of fear. But I know in the long run it is worth it to wait on God, because every time I allow my will to get involved to move something along, the outcome is never quite good.

So while reconciliation has yet to take place with my friend, I’m still glad nevertheless that I can see all parts of me have already come to forgiveness. And hopefully one day God will help them feel the same with me…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson