Becoming God-Reliant Versus People-Reliant

One of the biggest things I’m working on right now in life is becoming more God-reliant versus people-reliant. About a year ago, I wrote about moving away from a life of self-reliance, which is where most of my former addictions took me. But to be perfectly honest, I’ve also relied on people far too much as well to make me feel happy and safe. To counteract that, I’ve been spending a lot of time lately walking through a tremendous amount of fears with God alone, because ultimately, I found that people-reliance constantly let me down just like a life of self-reliance did.

When I was growing up, the people I was mostly reliant on were my mother and father. If I got a bad grade, a boo-boo, felt sick, was picked on, or didn’t do so well in some sport, I went to them for reassurance. Rarely did I pray to God for help and guidance.

Throughout my college years, I found various people there too to latch onto for reassurance. Whenever I felt down, alone, did poorly in a class, got in trouble, or was at odds with someone, I’d go to them to help me feel better. Once again, rarely, if ever, did I pray to God for any help and guidance.

Then came all those years I ventured off on my own, post-college. I’d say that for at least those first fifteen years, I’d consistently have a rotating amount of individuals in my life to rely upon when things weren’t going so well. Whether it was a partner, a codependent friend, or even some doctor or practitioner, I’d go to them to help me out of all those moments of depression, anxiety, break-ups, job losses, family deaths, and plenty of other things too, instead of trying to go to God for any help or guidance.

Unfortunately, none of this people-reliance truly helped me in the long run. I became so codependent that time and time again everyone would eventually end up failing to give me the reassurance I most needed, which was just to feel safe. Sadly, I never quite learned how to do that with God from the very earliest moments of my life.

This is why I’m now finding it such a struggle lately to walk through all the fears I’m finding myself trudge through because I’m not going to all those people for reassurance anymore. While I do have a select few that continue to help me on my spiritual path, I’m spending a lot more time now alone on my knees praying and asking for the help I wished I had started doing a long time ago. While I can’t go back in time to change that, I believe I still have a good chunk of my life ahead of me, one where I hope to truly become more God-reliant instead of people-reliant…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Andy and The Zodiac Crystal – Chapter 28

Q: What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
A: Attire…

Click here for the PDF of all the previous chapters -> Andy and The Zodiac Crystal (Chapters 1 to 27)

Andy and The Zodiac Crystal – Chapter 28

I spent the rest of the day feeling pretty bad inside about Paul and Joe. I knew there was nothing more I could have done for them, yet I still wished I could have ensured their safety somehow. And as much as I enjoyed the Sagittarius ability, I had decided to turn it off so that I didn’t have to deal with the possibility of having any more difficult encounters with another animal.

Unfortunately, I also no longer felt as excited as I had been upon arriving to the log cabin and nothing seemed to be cheering me up now. Not the fire we had roaring in the fireplace, nor the cookout we did on the grill later, and not even a long soak in the hot tub out under the stars made me feel any better. I just couldn’t seem to take my mind off of those two old dogs no matter what I did. Thankfully, after playing a few rounds of a game called Catch Phrase towards the end of the evening, I finally did manage to at least laugh a little.

By the time we had all agreed to turn in for the night, it was well past 11pm. I was thoroughly exhausted, more mentally and emotionally, than physically. Chris and I had talked for a short time, mostly about me not beating myself up with the whole Paul and Joe thing, but it wasn’t long before I had found my eyes getting too heavy to keep open. As I finished pondering the day’s events in silence, I soon fell into a deep sleep drifting into one dream after another of me dealing with a long line of animals all coming to seek my help.

Knock Knock Knock.

I slowly came to wondering if I was hearing things? Did I even sleep? I still felt totally exhausted.

 “Come in.” Chris said sounding quite alert already.

“Good morning boys. I have some pretty good news to tell you.”

 I opened my eyes to see Chris’s Mom standing there.

 “What is it that couldn’t have waited until we were both awake a little more Mom?” said Chris with a huge yawn.

“Well, I thought you might want to know that Paul and Joe have already been adopted by a wonderful couple.”

WHAT? REAALLYY!” I said as I rubbed my eyes.

“We got a call this morning from the Humane Society, probably because of how concerned they saw you all were about Paul and Joe. It seems as if their owner relinquished all ownership given the long list of allegations he was facing once again, which made it possible for them to be adopted right away. And ironically, this very morning, a couple came in that had been on an overnight stay in their RV at a local campground and were looking to find a new companion for their Golden Retriever. I think their names were Jym and DW or something like that and supposedly they immediately fell in love with the two German Shepherds. So it sounds like they are going to be just fine guys. Isn’t that great news?”

“That’s really cool Mom, thanks for letting us know.”

“No problem and you might want to start getting up, as breakfast will be in about 30 minutes.” She said as she closed the door.

While I was definitely happy to hear the good news of Paul and Joe’s fate, I had truly hoped somehow that either my parents or Chris’s would have been the ones to adopt them. Regardless, I was actually relieved to know they were now in good hands. I decided it was probably as good of a time as any given the news we had just received to get out of my funk and enjoy the rest of our weekend getaway. So I quickly grabbed my pillow and proceeded to slam it into Chris’s face, at which point we ended up in a huge playful battle for about 10 minutes. Ultimately I gave him the victory when he pinned me down at the end and let out a huge fart on top of me.

“Just you wait.”  I said as Chris left the bedroom to go take his shower.

“Uh huh. Whatever. I won. Ha Ha.”

I threw on my sweatshirt and sweatpants, feeling a lot more awake and a lot better, and headed out into the main room where I saw another fire was already roaring once again in the fireplace. The smell of bacon cooking was already beginning to waft through the air. My stomach began to grumble as I grabbed a bottle of water and proceeded to sit down in front of the warm and dancing flames of the fire.

“Don’t get too close Andy.” My mother said from the kitchen.

“I know, I know.” I said with a deep sigh. “Hey, so what’s on our agenda for today anyway?”

“Well as far as I know you and Chris are going to be hiking somewhere with your father and his, while the rest of us go shopping.”

“We’re going shopping today?” Laura said excitedly, as she emerged from her room and entered the kitchen.

“Yes, there’s some outlets nearby, does that sound good?”

“Well of course. Maybe I can finally find that Coach purse I’ve been looking for.”

“So where is Dad anyway, Mom?” I asked after noticing neither he nor Chris’s father were around.

“Your father and Chris’s went to the local tourist’s office to find out about all the hiking trails that were available locally. They should be back any minute now.”

 I hadn’t honestly been on a decent hike in a good while so I was rather looking forward to it. In fact, the last time I had really spent any decent amount of time in the wilderness was when I had discovered that Zodiac cave. Hiking was without a doubt one of my most favorite things to do in life and I was more than excited now to see which trail our fathers had in store for us today.

About ten minutes later they returned with a few maps but wouldn’t say much about the one they chose, other than it was up some local mountain. Not too long afterwards we all sat down at the big table and started feasting on piles of cheddar cheese scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, granola pancakes, and orange juice. It was definitely a great start to the day.

After everyone was done stuffing themselves and the dishes were fully cleaned and put away, Chris and I were instructed to pack up our backpacks with some bottled water and snacks, something to eat for lunch, and anything else we might want to bring along like my pair of binoculars I had brought on the weekend trip. Our fathers did the same with their own backpacks and soon we had said our goodbyes to the would-be shoppers and were off in the car heading for some unknown destination.

“So where are we headed today Dad? Did you find a good hike?” I asked curiously.

“I think so and I’m sure the two of you won’t be disappointed because I hear there’s a great view at the top.”

I couldn’t wait, as I always loved seeing those spectacular views after a long hike.

It took approximately 15 minutes to drive to our destination, which was nothing more than a large parking lot and some small bathroom facilities for people to use. None of us needed to go so instead we walked over to the sign that said “TRAIL TO” with an arrow pointing ahead and below it a list of the possible hikes to take from there. I was glad my father said we were doing the first one, which said “BUCK MT. SUMMIT”, as it had the shortest length of 3.3 miles. The others had much greater lengths ranging anywhere from just over 5 miles to almost 17.

Before we headed onto the yellow-marked trail, we all decided it might be best to have someone take our picture. Chris’s father then asked a fellow hiker who had just emerged from the woods if he would be open to doing that for us. He was more than happy to oblige and I of course made a funny face while it was being taken. It wasn’t until after we began our hike did Chris tell me he managed to put those stupid bunny ears above my head in the same picture. I tried to trip him after that, but of course got immediately scolded for it by my Dad.

At first the trail seemed quite easy, heading off in a slightly upwards ascent. But it wasn’t long before we found ourselves heading up much steeper inclines. Each of us managed to slip a few times here and there on some rocks along the way, but thankfully none of us ever fell completely down. After about 45 minutes or so of heavy hiking, I felt like I was running out of steam and asked if we could take a break.

“Come on Andy, we’re almost there!” Chris said in between breaths.

“No, I agree with Andy, let’s take a break.” Chris’s father said sounding out-of-breath himself.

“Why don’t we all have a snack and some water. We still have a good 45 minutes to go before we hit the summit.” My father said, as he found a nearby boulder to sit on.

After we all found a place to sit down, each of us quickly gulped down a bottle of water. I took a moment to look around as I drank my own and noticed the beautiful array of thick canopy surrounding us. Most of the leaves had already fully changed and fallen to the ground, but a few trees who still had theirs seemed to be enjoying the relatively warm day for the middle of November. If I had to guess, I’d say it was probably right around 50 degrees, which I felt was making it quite tempting to take my sweatshirt off given how hot I felt. But for the moment I decided I was way more interested in finding something to eat in my backpack. As I fished in my bag for one of my snack bars, it suddenly was eerily silent other than the rustle of the leaves.

“What was that?!” said Chris breaking the silence.

I hadn’t heard anything and assumed he was just trying to play a joke on me. 

“I’m not falling for it this time Chris…”

“No seriously, I just heard something.” 

“Yeah, probably one of your farts.”  I said laughing.

CRACK.

“Now that I heard. But it’s probably just some tree branch that fell down with the wind.” I said shrugging my shoulders and taking a bite out of my Larabar. But then suddenly I heard some strange sounds coming from behind me that I couldn’t immediately identify.

As I turned around to see where it was coming from, I noticed everyone else had already identified its source and the expression on their faces said it all.

There standing not more than 20 feet away was a pretty good-sized black bear staring us down and not looking very friendly at all…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson