Category: Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?” Little Johnny who was now grown up and still always saying the most inappropriate of things raises his hand and responds, “I dunno, a basketball coach?”

Silly Joke #2

John: Hey, did you know that the guy who played the original invisible man actually married the woman who played the original the invisible woman?

Larry: Really, that is pretty interesting.

John: Yeah, but I heard their kids aren’t anything to look at.

Silly Joke #3 (Two short church ones)

Little Johnny who always said the most inappropriate of things was sitting in church feeling really restless. As the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on, he finally leaned over to his mother and whispered, “Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?”

Gladys was the preacher’s wife and accompanied her husband each Sunday to church. One particular Sunday when the sermon seemed to go on forever, many in the congregation fell asleep. After the service, to be sociable, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman. In an attempt to revive him from his stupor, she extended her hand in greeting, and said, “Hello, I’m Gladys Dunn.” To which the gentleman replied, “You’re not the only one!”

Bonus Silly Joke

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says,”This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk onto the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line… ‘Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'” The actor is thrilled.All day long before the play he’s practicing his line, over and over again. Finally the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion, he delivered the line; “Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress”.  The theatre erupted, the audience screamed with laughter… and the director was steaming! “You bloody fool!” he cried, “You have ruined me!” The actor, quite bewildered, asked, “What happened, did I forget my line?” he asked. “No!” the director screamed…. “You forgot the bloody rose!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1

The teacher was trying to help his students on map reading. He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…” Little Johnny, that mischievous little boy who always said the most inappropriate of things as a kid and still did as a young adult responded, “Well sir, I guess you’d be eating alone!”

Silly Joke #2

An elementary school teacher decides to pole the class on the difficulty of last night’s homework assignment: How many people were able to complete the assignment without their parents help? About 75% of the class raised their hands. How many people we able to complete the assignment with a little help from your parents? The remaining students all raised their hands, all except for Little Johnny. The teacher then asked Little Johnny who always said the most inappropriate of things, why he hadn’t raised his hand for either question. Little Johnny responded, “Well, you asked if I had completed my assignment on my own or with a little help from my parents. In my case, it was neither because my parents did my entire assignment for me!”

Silly Joke #3

Little Johnny who always said the most inappropriate of things came home eating a big candy bar. Seeing the candy bar, his mother remembered he had already spent all his allowance money. Surprised, she asked him where he got it. “I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me,” he said.”But that dollar was for Sunday School,” his mother replied. Smiling, the boy said, “I know, Mom, but the Pastor met me at the door at the church and he let me in for free!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers the door. “Hi, is Tony home?”  “No, he went to the store.” “Well, you mind if I wait?”  “No come in.” They sit down and the friend says, “You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I’d give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one.” Sara thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell – a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Chris says, “They are so beautiful I’ve got to see the both of them. I’ll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them together.” Sara thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the table then says he can’t wait any longer for Tony and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, “You know, your weird friend Chris came over.” Tony responds, “Well I guess he can be a little weird sometimes, but hey, did he happen to drop off the $200 he owes me?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke #1 (2 Short Ones…)

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”

A lumberjack once told me he had cut down 27,572 trees.
“How do you know exactly how many?” I had replied.
“Easy, I keep a log…” he said.

Silly Joke #2

A young man just proposed to his sweetheart. The girl replied, “If I marry you, will you promise to give up smoking?” “Yes, I will…” came the reply.
“And drinking?” she said. “I will give up drinking as well…” he said. “And going to the club with your cronies?” she asked. “Yes, I will give that up too…” he said.  “And what else will you give up for my sake?” she asked happily. “Well actually, the more I think about it, I think I’m going to give up the idea of ever marrying you…”

Silly Joke #3

Little Johnny, the boy who always says and does the most inappropriate of things, badly wanted $100.00 and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. So he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to the White House. Eventually, Little Johnny’s letter actually makes it to the desk of the President. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Little Johnny a $5.00 bill. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. When Little Johnny received it, while he was delighted with the $5.00, he sat down to write a letter to God that read, “Dear God, thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason it came through Washington D.C. and it looks like those jerks deducted $95.00!”

Bonus Silly Joke

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman’s apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they’re both laying there, staring at the ceiling. The old man was thinking… “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.” The old lady was thinking… “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson