“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it…”
Reaching the 10th Step is a big milestone in a person’s step work. This is mainly due to the amount of work it takes to get to this point in the recovery process.
By the time I reached my 10th Step the first time, I had a notebook filled with over 100 pages of resentments, turnarounds, sex inventory, and amends. At least a half a dozen of those amends had been completed. I was more determined then ever to stay sober and follow some path of 12 step recovery. Yet my self will was still at war with God’s will. I just couldn’t seem to let go of some of my old ways of living. I was having a hard time stopping some of my old toxic behaviors. I was struggling to fully let go of several unhealthy friendships. And I was fighting myself on trying to break old bad habits that led me to addictions in the first place. This is why the 10th Step was and still is a great tool for people like me.
Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith never intended when they wrote the steps for anyone to be perfect in their lives after making it through the first nine of them. Their hope was that a person would be feeling much lighter and more determined to stay clean from whatever their addictions were by that point in the steps. They realized, like so many of us do at this juncture, that there were still character defects within them. They also realized, like so many of us do by the time we reach this step, that there still were components of self will being acted upon and creating problems in their lives. Hence the purpose of the 10th Step came to fruition. This step brings about the ability to inventory those problems that still happen for the recovering person and provide a healing path for each of them.
Some take their own personal inventory every night before going to bed. Some may take it at the end of the week. Some may do it at the end of the month. Some have even learned how to take their own inventory in the moment. There is no wrong way to do this step. The work in it is simply to look at any resentments that may creep up and do a 4th Step turnaround on them to see where their part was in creating the resentment. The other part of the work on this step is to identify after doing the turnaround, whether they created any more harm or pain for others and if they did, they know an amends is in order.
This may sound a lot more complex then it really has to be. A good example of its simplicity could be something similar to the following. Sometimes when I am speaking and get heated in the moment, I may make a hurtful comment towards someone else. The first part of a 10th Step would be to look at why I got heated in the first place. In other words, why did I get resentful and lash out? By writing it down just like I would have in a typical 4th Step, I can identify my part in the resentment by turning it around on me. After making that realization, I would make my amends to that person by telling them exactly where I was selfish, self-seeking, dishonest, or afraid and end it with a sincere apology.
In the past year I have made great strides in my life to get closer to God. In doing so, I have had to take a lot less inventory on myself day to day. I find that I am making a lot less problems for myself or for others in my life anymore. The best part about this step for me today though is that when a character defect within me arises and I cop a resentment towards someone and possibly hurt them in the process, I’m able to do an inventory in my heart pretty quickly seeing where I was in the wrong, and find myself promptly making an amends.
Resentments are spiritual poison. They prevent me from getting closer to God. Any time I harm anyone also sits within me terribly today and keeps me separate from that I most desire, which is a closer relationship to my Higher Power. The 10th Step is the vaccine to that poison and one that is readily available for me to take everyday so that I can keep my relationship growing closer to God each and every day.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
