Month: April 2013

It’s so easy to point the finger at the ills of society we see everyday. It really is. I did it for most of my life before I became aware of one simple fact, that I was the one that needed to have the finger pointing back at myself. I was the one that needing fixing, not everyone else.

I once thought this to be a trait that alcoholics and addicts only shared. As I’ve delved deeper into my relationship with God, I’ve begun to see that it’s a trait shared amongst much of the world’s population. So why is that? Why is it that people are prone to cite out something negative around them that someone else is doing? The answer is simple. It shifts the focus away from themselves. It prevents people from seeing who they really are. And for most of my adult life, I’ve been this way.

For the longest time, I mostly hung around with people who were living blatantly immoral. I always had at least one active addict friend in my life that I was close to who was regularly lying, cheating, stealing, scamming, or more in their lives. I would tell myself that I wasn’t anything like these people and I’d continue hanging around them because it made me feel more superior. My ego would congratulate itself on a daily basis as it felt I wasn’t doing anything remotely as negative as the people I was spending time with. So when the drama would happen in my life, I would usually transfer the blame and shift the focus onto those people around me that my ego felt superior towards. But what’s ironic in all of that behavior was that while I told myself that my crap didn’t stink, it really did. I just made sure to constantly shift everyone’s including myself’s focus onto those people living so outright lopsided.

Sadly, my life was filled with a lot of its own darkness that was just as immoral as those people I was trying to point my fingers at and fix. I was harboring sex and love addiction issues secretly in my life. I slept with married people. I skipped out on a lot of plans and promises so that I could live in these addictions more. I spent hours on the web at night perusing porn and communicating with people sexually that I never had any intention on being with. And I lied often to cover all of this up. I backstabbed people often by character assassinating them. Gossip was a regular part of my life and so was greed.

For a long time, I didn’t want to take a real long, hard look in the mirror at myself both literally, and figuratively. It was too painful. I didn’t love myself and I knew I was broken. I stayed away from me by trying to point out and fix other people’s toxic lives. I rarely focused on myself and the healing that needed to take place for me to spiritually grow. Instead, I kept these toxic connections to others alive so that I could feel better about my own craziness and have some project outside of myself that I could place my energy in fixing.

Over time I began to notice that no one ever got better. Not the people I pointed the fingers at and tried to fix, and not me. If anything, both grew worse. I became a very negative person. I began looking at all the bad things happening in the world around me and constantly commented on them aloud to anyone that would listen. I yelled at reckless drivers. I talked bad about those in the news who were doing shady behaviors such as politicians, actors and actresses, policemen and policewomen, coaches, teachers, etc. Through all of that negativity, my immorality increased until I was doing just as much of that type of behavior as those I had been pointing the fingers at.

Thankfully, a year ago when the pain in my life was becoming too great to handle, I decided it was time to turn over my entire will to something I knew could show me how to live a much better life than the one I had created. That’s when I turned all of the reigns over to God. It was the best decision I ever made as I realized soon thereafter, that I was the one broken and needed fixing and not everything I had been pointing out.

This makes me think back to a specific moment in my life when I had been trying to live as I am now. I was being interviewed by the local news and asked to comment on whether I thought President Bush was doing a good job or not and if certain problems our society was facing today were worse because of his holding office. I think my answer shocked them. I said that the President was just a figurehead and that the problems could all be fixed when each of us begin to realize the real work is done by healing ourselves first. This is one of the greatest illusions in the world today. Every single problem that all of us see happening now can be changed by changing ourselves, by fixing ourselves, and by taking that finger we point so quickly and turning it back on ourselves.

This is what I am doing today. I am working on fixing me. Little by little, I am repairing more and more of the damage I caused myself throughout the years. As I continue to work on fixing all those parts of me that were broken, I am seeing less of what’s wrong in the world today and more on how I can help God to heal it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

This past week, Boston became the latest casualty of another death filled tragedy. As the Boston Marathon came to a close near the end of the day at its finish line, several homemade pressure cooker type bombs went off injuring hundreds and, as of the time of my writing this, killing three people.

It was supposed to be a normal day of running, cheering, and spectatorship for everyone as Boston was celebrating another annual marathon and Patriot’s Day. The state government and many local businesses were closed to honor the day. The sun was out and spring was in the air, yet someone decided to turn the day red with blood for whatever dark agenda they had within.

Lately it seems as if a week doesn’t go by anymore without one of these deadly sprees occurring. With a quick glance at any of the major newspaper’s websites on any given day, some husband or wife has shot each other, their children, and then themselves. Some disgruntled worker has gone and killed their boss and co-workers. Some young adult found a gun and opened up fire in some public venue. Public mournings and vigils are held because of these senseless tragedies. But it seems as if something else is being creating from all of this bloodshed. Revenge.

I was standing in line this past Tuesday morning waiting for one of the local state offices to open as I had some paperwork that I had to take care of. In front of me in line was a woman who was being anything but silent about the bombings. She told anyone who might have been in earshot that they need to find who did this and cut off each and every finger of that person one by one making them suffer too. I could see the anger and rage in her eyes. I’m sure for some of those who were directly affected by the bombing, or even by the Newtown or Aurora massacres, they felt similar.

Revenge isn’t the answer is though. That old saying, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth doesn’t bring resolution or peace to anyone. Sometimes I think that people don’t realize going after someone to kill or torture them won’t bring that closure they’re seeking within. Even worse, it creates a domino or ripple effect outward. Let me explain what I mean.

Person A goes and murders Person B. Person B had Persons C and D in their life who adored and loved them. Person C and D are now angry and full of rage and decide to take justice into their own hands and seek out Person A for revenge. Person A is then murdered. Unbeknownst to Persons C and D, Person A had two close people to them in their life as well, Persons E and F. Persons E and F decide to continue the revenge based spree and seek out the families of Persons C and D and kill all of them. I could go on and on with this. What people don’t realize is that this is how wars start. Look at what’s happening with North Korea lately.

The country is escalating their threats of nuclear terror daily. The country reminds me of the Napoleon complex in that they are so small yet they want to create a name for themselves. If North Korea was to fire upon anyone, especially South Korea, a full fledged war would begin imminently with South Korea firing back and then the U.S. and other allies getting involved and also doing the firing. The death toll that would result from those actions would be staggering. Who wins in all of that? Does any of that really bring peace and resolution?

Guns, fighting, wars, and battles…none of them will create peace. All of them will foster more anger. All of them move in the exact opposite direction that the world needs to go towards which is love. I was asked at one point in my life if one of my family members was murdered wouldn’t I want to exact revenge and have that person either killed or put on death row if they were caught. My answer, albeit painful, was a resounding “No!”. More death won’t ever bring back my family member and it won’t offer me any closure in my heart. I also believe in forgiveness because of God being at the center of my life. I believe that the person who does something such as murder should be given the chance to see the err in their ways even if its in a jail cell for the rest of their lives.

The only way these senseless tragedies and massacres can end in this world is if we all work on loving each other a little bit more and hating each other a lot less. The only way that I see newspaper’s websites reporting on anything else but these awful events is if all of us realize that we are all connected through a greater Source which for me I label as God. By one of us dying tragically, some part of all of us is affected. The answer isn’t to seek revenge. It’s to ask for forgiveness and healing not only for ourselves and all those who were affected, but, hard enough as it may seem, those that created the tragedy in the first place.

One day people will realize that all this bloodshed is doing nothing but creating more of it. When that day comes, everyone will begin to see the only way to a world filled with peace is to love, even in the face of hate.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson