I’ve been deep in thought about a comment that a dear friend of mine made a few days ago through an e-mail he sent me. In it he stated there’s an underlying theme in most of my blog entries that seem to surround the pains and struggles I’ve been through in life. That is definitely a true statement. But he also wondered if in doing so, that I was constantly trying to play the victim on some level.
By definition, someone who plays the victim is when they practice exaggerating or distorting a memory or description of events so as to cast oneself as unjustly treated, hurt, abused or neglected. To put it in a simpler way, it’s when a person seeks out sympathy from others by constantly blaming someone or something else for their problems and troubles in life.
To be completely blunt, playing the victim is by far the furthest thing I’m trying to do with any of the words I write in this blog. The reason why I share the way I do in each of my entries is solely because I’m trying to connect to all those people in this world who feel that no one understands what they are going through. Some of the very issues I’ve gone through in life are things that people just don’t want to talk about openly. Many feel alone in this world much in part because they won’t share openly about these types of things. They feel they have to hide them, but in doing so, they also end up feeling utterly alone inside and that no one understands them.
So while some close to me have argued that I share way too much in my writings, what they don’t understand is how much it’s helping others to not feel so alone in this world. They also don’t realize the amount of freedom, growth, and healing I’ve been getting from writing in this way either. Look, I have no secrets today and I feel much closer to God because of it. I started this blog as a homework assignment from both a therapist and a spiritual teacher who suggested that it would help me heal. When I began writing in it, I never really thought anyone was going to read it. But as time moved forward, I was proved wrong on that notion and saw that my sharing so openly about my life was somehow not only helping me to heal, but others too.
I know that it may seem at times with some of my entries that I’m very frustrated. I would venture to say that the theme in most of those probably had to do with the physical pains I still am dealing with. Please understand that I write about that very subject in the way I do because it has helped me to make it through those days when I feel most like giving up. I’ve found that in writing about my physical pain on those days that it’s forced me to look for the positive and also helped me to turn my day around for the better.
So as I continue to write about any of the pains and struggles I’ve had throughout life, I encourage each of you reading about them to take a moment, breathe, and realize I’m not trying to play the victim in doing so. While there WAS a time in my life where I lived this way more than not, the present is definitely not one of them. I truly don’t blame anyone else for what I’ve been through or am still going through, nor do I wish to have anyone’s sympathy for it either. My only hope in writing the way I do, beyond my desire to heal and grow closer to God, is for all of you to do the same.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson