About a year ago, I helped to start a men’s group here in Toledo that’s part of a self-empowerment organization I initially joined back in 1999. We meet every other week with our only goal being we use the tools we learned from the organization to work through any of our own issues we’re facing in life. I’ve actually been a part of a number of these groups over the years in the various cities I’ve lived in, and have used them time and time again to break through many areas of my life I felt totally blocked in. Unfortunately, the one I’m currently a member of seems to have reached an impasse lately over an issue that deals with my partner.
Recently he decided he was finally ready to go on the same weekend retreat I went on all those years ago to join this organization. I was more than overjoyed to hear this news and truly looked forward to having him come to our group once he completed the weekend. You see the only requirement we initially established for our group was that each member had to have gone through the initial weekend. When I brought this information to the group and informed them my partner would hopefully soon be qualified to be amongst us, one of our members was completely against the idea. His reasoning was that he felt it might become couple’s therapy if my partner and I were in the same group together.
Sadly, after I said I understood his concerns, each of my suggestions on how we could handle my partner’s potential future presence was rejected. His only solution was that my partner locates another group to be a member of, but alas there isn’t actually one within 60 miles for him to attend. Upon further discussion around this issue, I discovered my fellow member wasn’t comfortable as well with anyone in the group being related to anyone else on any level. For him, it would make him feel totally unsafe. Ironically, I’m the complete opposite of him.
While the presence of any new member in our group (related to someone else or not) could cause me to feel unsafe, the tools of the organization allow me to work through them and grow stronger spiritually. Regrettably, my fellow group member disagrees and appears to be unwilling to even try using those tools to work through this issue at the present time. I tried my best to help him become more open to the idea, but it was to no avail. If my partner were allowed to come, he would leave. Unfortunately, his ultimatum has only caused the group to polarize, especially me.
Regardless of whether this was my partner coming to the group or someone else’s, or regardless if it was another member’s father, brother, uncle, or grandfather coming really doesn’t matter to me. I have learned through this organization that I can grow exponentially by walking through my fears and sitting amongst anyone who shows up, even if their presence makes me feel uncomfortable at first. Sure, I could have my judgments on the worst that could happen if two people connected so closely were sitting in the same group with each other, but allowing them to control me is only going to keep me in fear and prevent me from growing through those challenging places in life.
That’s why I choose today to walk through my fears, and do whatever it takes to get through them. Of course I have my concerns about my partner being in the same self-empowerment group as myself, but I also believe that if we use the same tools I learned so long ago in this organization that I know work, it may actually be a great thing, not just for our relationship, but also for the growth of the group.
Sadly, it appears as if my fellow group member is not so ready to walk through his own fears with this and feels that leaving the group is his only choice to deal with it if it should happen. I know that place very well in life, as I spent far too many years running away from one fear after another. The only good that did was keep me a prisoner of them and living a very unsettled life.
So while I can’t say I know what the actual outcome is going to be with my partner and my group, I can say my only desire is to continue remaining 100% open in life to walking through all of my fears, even when I have no idea what’s going to happen on the other side of me doing so. I only pray my fellow group member will one day be open to doing the same.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson