I have a friend who seems to be living quite similar to how I used to when I had no real understanding of what it meant to live my life with integrity.
If you don’t know what I mean by this, having integrity is when you do the right thing in a reliable way on a consistent basis. It also means keeping strong moral and ethical values throughout your entire life. None of which I had much of when I was active in any of my addictions, unless I knew I was going to get something out of trying to be that way temporarily. The sad truth is that what my friend has been demonstrating to me over the past six months or so is truly but a mere reflection of my former self about four years ago on backwards.
I began to see the mirror of my own past integrity issues through this friend when they started to not return my phone calls. Then as time passed, I saw it further when they made several statements saying, “We really need to get together soon” but not following up with any of them. But that integrity mirror grew even stronger when I confronted my friend and asked why they were becoming more and more distant. That’s mostly because their response about their busy work life was all too familiar.
This is why I was ok for a while with my friend’s actions, because I know work does interfere with one’s personal life at times. But when I began seeing their postings on Facebook talking about all the fun things they were doing in their social life, I started to feel otherwise, as I remembered acting very similar not so long ago. But it was what happened next that I have to say was truly just a taste of my own medicine when it comes to having integrity.
I had finally connected with this friend over the phone one day and said I needed to spend some time in person catching up. They immediately invited me to a group function the following week that would involve a movie I wanted to see and a meal afterwards. I was thankful for the invitation and accepted. A week later, I waited for them to show up at my place or contact me back about where I was to meet. Unfortunately, neither transpired.
Most would probably say they would have given up by this point, but I tend to easily forgive, especially in light of the integrity mirror I kept seeing, which is why I gave this friend one more chance. When I managed to get them on the phone and was given a simple “I’m sorry, I totally forgot” in reference to the missed event, it too was another great reminder from my past. Saying “I’m sorry” were my two most frequent spoken words when I was lacking integrity the most in life. Nevertheless, I suggested another attempt to connect and we agreed to get together at one of my recovery meetings and have lunch afterwards.
When that day arrived, I kept the faith they’d show up, but sadly they didn’t. The only explanation I’d receive was a very short text saying that a work situation was taking longer than expected and that was it. I waited a few days after this hoping they might call and talk about it, but they never did. And in the end, I decided to leave them a voicemail letting them know I still loved them, but was done trying and that I hoped they’d learn about integrity down the road.
The unfortunate reality I had to face through all of this is that each of my friend’s integrity issues was no different to how I lived for years. And it actually makes a lot more sense to me now why most of my own friends walked away from me back then.
So if by some chance you still aren’t grasping what having integrity means let me summarize it as best as I can. It means calling people back when they leave you a message. It means following through when you tell someone “we really need to get together.” It means holding to any plans you might have made with another. And it also means making it up to them should any unforeseeable circumstances somehow preempt those plans.
In conclusion, I just want to thank my Higher Power for receiving such a great reminder of how I used to be with integrity. I’m glad I’m not that way anymore and only pray my friend will one day see the integrity mirror for himself…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
