Most people probably already know that a “rain-check” is a thing usually given to a consumer for some future deliverable good. But in the sex and love addiction world, there’s a similar term that takes on a slightly different meaning. It’s called “rain-checking” and it refers to when the addict leaves open the possibility of acting out in the future with a potential partner.
The best example I can provide of rain-checking is unfortunately something I must take from my own old addict playbook. Anytime I was already in a relationship, I would still go out and meet people I was attracted to online, in meetings, at various events and parties, and so on and so forth, and would do whatever I could to let them know I was attracted to them. Most often that would lead to the exchange of the “rain-check”, which was trading phone numbers. And then little by little, I’d make phone calls to each of them during times of relationship frustration, which would only lead to where I would soon be hanging out with them in person. At first I’d use those times to express only verbal intimate desires, telling myself I wasn’t breaking the physical monogamy boundary. But as my own relationship began to falter, not even realizing I was the one causing it, I’d eventually leave it to act out with the “rain-checked” person I had groomed. Sadly, the pattern would only continue into the next relationship, where as soon as the appeal of the newness of it was over, I’d return to working on rain-checking others. And as much as this is difficult to say, at any point in time in my prior acting out days, I’d have at least three or more people rain-checked for future possibilities.
Thankfully, I’m not practicing this toxic behavior anymore. I saw how it not only destroyed any potential of a healthy monogamous relationship, it also ruined any ability to grow my spirituality and relationship with God.
Today I clearly see with my sex and love addiction recovery that exchanging phone numbers with someone who is single and available that I’m also attracted to is not healthy. It’s called rain-checking and doing so is only going to lead straight back into the addiction itself. Thank God I’m no longer doing this…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson