One of the things that people sometimes do when they come to a recovery meeting for the first time is compare themselves to everyone else that’s there. Sadly, this is by far one of the unhealthiest things to do because doing so often tends to cause them to believe they are far healthier than everyone else there and to arrive a conclusion that they don’t have a problem.
I spent years looking at other alcoholics and addicts who drank and drugged every single day from morning to night and told myself I wasn’t that bad in my consumption of either. All that did was keep me from getting sober.
I also spent years looking at other sex and love addicts who had arrest records, who went to jail, and who spent time doing acting out behaviors at places such as parks and rest steps and told myself here as well that I wasn’t that bad in the sex and love patterns I was engaging in. All that did was keep me from getting sober here too.
Thankfully, I learned over time that everyone’s addiction patterns are truly different. For some the acting out behaviors were constant and extremely risky, while others were far less and tamer. In my case I was a weekend warrior and really depended on those Fridays and Saturdays to go all out in some form of a full-blown addiction mode. And while those specific behaviors may have been tamer than many others I’ve met in recovery, I was totally dependent on engaging in them, which is what specifically made me an addict in the first place. But comparing myself to someone else who acted out in a much stronger way than I only led me to not look at myself and get the help I so desperately needed. And unfortunately, because of this, any time I did attend a recovery meeting, I’d allow my ego to convince myself that I was far better than everyone else there, which as a result, caused me to remain sick, filled with plenty of character defects and addiction-like behavior.
The fact is all 12 Step recovery programs are synonymous with “We, Us, and Our”, not “I and Me”. But that is precisely what so many fail to see when they first come check them out. Comparing someone else’s addiction to one’s own and judging them to be far worse only leads to one thing, the individual remaining sick and suffering.
Thankfully I eventually stopped doing this and now look at everyone at the meetings I attend as my equal. I don’t judge them anymore on any of their acting-out behaviors. Instead, I look at them as my equal and as a gift to remind me of how cunning, baffling, and powerful addictions can become. The simple reality is that at any point in time my own addictions could have led me to the point others took them to and honestly still could if I chose to re-engage in it. This is specifically why I don’t compare myself anymore to anyone else in the 12 Step rooms and I’m quite grateful to say that in not doing so, I’ve grown far healthier in my recovery.
So if you are thinking about checking out a 12 Step meeting for any addiction, please go in with an open mind and try to not compare yourself to anyone else there. The truth is, your patterns in your addiction are your own and are what is leading you to be there in the first place. Stay around for awhile and I’m sure you’ll see your disease for what it is and how it’s taken you down, but even more important, you’ll also see how we’re all in this together, regardless of wherever our addictions took us…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
