Not that long ago a friend of mine sent me a small cartoonist strip he found that related to much of what I’ve been going through. Unfortunately, I was unable to locate it when writing this article, so with that being said I’m going to describe it instead.
In it, a man is hanging on for dear life from a single branch off the side of a cliff while another man is looking down over the edge at him. Out of the man’s mouth who’s standing on top of the cliff are the words “Hang in there, it’ll get better!” As for the man who’s hanging on for dear life, he has only two words to say back to him, “F$#k You!”
While all this seems rather comical and has elicited plenty of laughter to anyone I’ve described it to, the truth is that I feel much like the man hanging from that small branch on most of my days as of late. Far too often I hear so many tell me to hang in there, that it will get better and as much as I know they mean well, it’s never been very reassuring in all honesty.
Most of the time when I used to say those words to someone else who was going through a difficult time, it was because I didn’t know what else to say. Rather, it was my way to check a box and make myself feel better about their situation, rather than to really say something that might help them somehow.
Truthfully, telling someone to hang in there, it will get better, is definitely easy to say when the person saying them isn’t going through what the other is. But the reality is that most who say those words don’t actually know whether it will ever get better for the other person or not. Yet they say those words anyway and usually just move on to something else after they do.
What I’ve found is far more comforting to receive nowadays are things that feel more unconditionally loving and genuine. Things such as “I’m praying for you to make it through this; We’ll get through this together; No matter how long it takes you have my full support; or even How can I best help you through this?”
But hearing someone tell me to hang in there, it’ll get better and then watch them go on to talk about something else or walk away, is a lot like what I imagine the next scene would look like in this comic strip I’m referring to above. It would show the man on top of the cliff walking away, leaving the man hanging there for dear life. The fact is, I used to be a lot like that man on top of the cliff, so caught up in self that when someone was hurting I came across, I either avoided them altogether or said those words and then moved on.
On some level, this is why I’m actually grateful I’ve endured these health issues for as long as I have, because it’s ultimately helped me to see so much of my old unloving self through the actions of others. But thankfully, I haven’t been reacting quite like the guy hanging onto that branch off the cliff, who’s swearing and obviously angry. Instead, I’ve worked hard on looking at all those who come around me with love and compassion, knowing that most don’t know how to deal with someone who’s going through a difficult situation. That’s why it’s my hope that I will be given the chance by my Higher Power to be on the other side of this healing crisis here soon so that I may start putting into practice the things I’ve learned just like this.
The bottom line is that I don’t want to tell someone anymore who’s hurting to hang in there, it’ll get better, because I know it most likely won’t help them one bit. If anything, it will only frustrate them all the more. Instead, I look forward to offering them my outstretched hand and words that come more from my heart, because at least in that I know it will let them know they’re not going through it alone…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson