It’s my third day of vacation here in Grand Cayman and as I sit here and reflect on it, I must admit I’m kind of missing my home back in Toledo. I think that’s mostly because I find it safe and comforting to be confined in the familiar, especially when my health issues continue to plague me even here.
Some may think that getting away and being in a tropical paradise sounds just divine and that nothing could ruin that for them. But that’s quite easy to say when feeling well in every facet of the mind and body. Except that’s not the case with me at the present time.
When I began today, it was with a pile of tears praying to God on why I continue to suffer so greatly in life. Ever since I began turning my entire will and life over to my Higher Power I feel like my life has been a roller coaster. I really hoped that being here in Grand Cayman was somehow going to be miraculously healing for me, but unfortunately it’s been more of the same. The only thing different is that I’m in a much more beautiful locale.
Somehow I pulled myself together today by noon, after my morning spiritual routines were done, and from there I proceeded to spend a considerable amount of time floating in the ocean on and off for the next few hours. My partner even commented on how I must be feeling better because I was back to be my joking and prankster type self that hasn’t been around much for quite some time.
During those few hours of relief, I got to enjoy a small walk alone on the beach, a stroll out onto a pink-colored pier where I got to see many beautiful fish, and even felt a moment of peace when I watched a bird from these parts navigate some strong winds for a decent amount of time before it finally dove into the water for a tasty meal.
But the difficult thing with my healing process is that even when I seem to feel good for any short period of time, it never lasts very long. That 180 for me today came right around 4pm when some serious irritable bowel related symptoms hit me. After that my mood rapidly declined and left me in a place where I just wanted to isolated in the bedroom.
I’ve always tried to draw closer to God when painful moments like these begin to happen, because ultimately I find that’s the only thing that truly seems to bring me any comfort. In this case, I prayed, shed some tears, read a few devotionals, and flipped through my Bible, which helped enough to get me headed out the door to dinner. Except I did have some reservations on route to dinner because we were heading to a total stranger’s house for a small get together.
How we found ourselves going to this dinner party came about solely due to us meeting the concierge in our resort lobby. There he seemed to take a liking to our energy and friendliness, which in turn ended up with us receiving an invitation to his home for dinner. In the past I normally would enjoy going to things like this, meeting new people and exploring greater realms of connection. But nowadays, trying to do that feeling just like I did this afternoon and evening constantly poses a much greater challenge. I have to give credit to my Higher Power for getting me through this get together because the prayers I said prior to leaving for it and the ones I said during it gave me enough strength to remain present and cordial the entire time there.
In the end, it was actually nice to have met a bunch of native islanders and learn about their culture. It did also help me slightly to shift my focus off of the pain I was feeling. I should mention as well that dinner was quite tasty, especially the jerk chicken pasta. Unfortunately, I had to abstain from the homemade dessert though because it was rum-soaked cake.
Before we left our new friend’s home to head back to our resort, we were given a quick tour of the property across the street that he also owned. It was directly on the ocean and had a beautiful stone double-level patio that overlooked it. He told me the house had been rebuilt twice over the years due to two completely different hurricanes, with the last one being Ivan. It is now worth $3.5 million dollars. Wow, was all that I could say!
As the evening of our 3rd day came to a close not too long after, I sat out on our balcony gazing upon the night sky and ocean, trying to find an appreciation for one of God’s most amazing creations as I continued to feel a ton of pain in my body. While it might not have taken away all the sorrow and suffering I felt inside, it did do one positive thing for me. It helped me to find some gratitude for still having two eyes and two ears that were able to indulge in a little of my Higher Power’s magnificence…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson