“I’ve got it this time!” I’ve often heard these words or something similar spoken from people at recovery meetings who have just come off living in another extended period of addiction. Unfortunately, I’ve also watched as most of them stuck around for awhile with that gung ho attitude and then eventually disappeared again due to another relapse.
What I’ve learned over the years from my own struggles with addiction is that anytime I find myself needing to declare anything like this at a meeting for recovery is really just coming from my ego trying to convince myself that it’s true and usually it wasn’t.
Instead, what I’ve found to be more tried and true is that when I’m fully getting the recovery program and actually living it, there is no need to vocalize it, as it’s already being demonstrated in all my actions. Unfortunately, so many come into the rooms of recovery with bruised ego’s and think they need to save face with everyone there who has seen them live in a vicious cycle for far too long. What they don’t realize though is the best thing they can do is just listen. Listen to those who have remained sober for a good, long time and listen to how they are living their recovery.
The sad thing though is that many newcomers never quite grasp this principle. They think they need to speak about how much they are getting the program solely because their ego tells them they need to do this. The simple fact is that their ego is still running the show. I should know as I did this very thing for over a decade in the rooms of recovery. And every time I said “I’ve got it this time”, I ultimately didn’t. I only wanted to make myself believe I did to boost my beat-up ego.
So the best advice I can give anyone who is feeling the need to declare to a room of people in recovery that they “got it this time” is to do whatever they can to refrain from saying that. There’s more harm in saying this, then good because it becomes even harder to come back from another relapse if one should happen again. Instead, it’s far better to remain silent and just listen. Listen to those who have already done the work for some time and still are. In doing so, I honestly believe a newcomer will stand a much better chance of sticking around and remaining clean and sober for good…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
