Month: February 2017

How Two Cats Changed My Capacity For Unconditional Love…

I know this might sound like a strange thing to say, but having a cat as a pet over the past bunch of years has really changed my capacity for unconditional love.

Not too long ago, I had a cold, closed heart, that rarely opened for anyone or anything. Sadly, when it did, it was usually for the sake of a romantic pursuit that was never that healthy. But when I met my current partner, I also met his cat at the time whose name was Driggs and Driggs was a female who from the onset didn’t like me, nor I her. Yet one day, about a year into our standoffish relationship that was mostly filled with a lot of hissing and scolding, I was going through an exceptionally pain-filled day. I had been laying on the couch and watching television, feeling incredibly depressed, when Driggs suddenly jumped up on top of me, totally startling me. I didn’t touch her at first and watched as she stared at me and began to pace around on my belly, almost as if she was testing me. Then as abruptly as she appeared, she then collapsed into a small ball on my chest and began to purr, at which point I laid my hand on her. It’s then our stalemate finally ended, but something else ended at that moment as well and that was the strong wall I had built around my heart. Driggs was the first one to pierce that wall who didn’t quite fit into any of the unhealthy categories of whom I had allowed to pierce it in the past. And for the next three years, Driggs made sure to be around me all the time, on many tear-soaked days, always finding a way to cheer me up and open my heart a little more.

While it was truly devastating having to put Driggs down when she developed mouth cancer, I vowed to not let her death cause my heart to close again. So instead of choosing to do things to numb that pain like I had done any time I had hurt in the past, I opted to go through it, talking to her on many a day, hoping she was with God and out of pain. I actually think I cried harder and longer during that period of time, more so than even when I went through my own parent’s deaths. That’s how great of an impact a simple cat had on my life, as somehow she had found a way to pierce that fortress I had built around my heart. And while Driggs was frequently seen by others as a mean cat, constantly hissing and growling at everyone she encountered, she allowed me to see a side of her that I can only attest had to have come from God. I truly believe God knew I needed something just like her to help increase my capacity for unconditional love.

Having gone through as much pain as I have in my life due to alcoholic parents, being molested, having been bullied, receiving racism because of my sexuality, dealing with tragic deaths of both of my parents, and succumbing to a number of addictions for over two decades are what made my heart go into seclusion. I never thought I could or would open up again, but Driggs found a way to change all that and in doing so, it reverberated outward ten times fold, helping me to learn how to unconditionally love so many I never could in the past.

My life today is extremely different because of Driggs and now that a new addition has come into my household, that being Smokey the cat, life is far different. And for that matter, my relationship with Smokey is far different too. Smokey is a male cat who seems to love people. He also loves playing, cuddling, and is just plain lovable. He follows me everywhere and each time I spend moments hanging out with him, I feel better about myself and my life. But more importantly, I also feel a greater capacity to go out in my day and show unconditional love.

Maybe that’s why God created animals such as cats (and dogs too for that matter too), to help us break down those walls that we tend to build up from all the pain we go through in life. Maybe God knew long ago that people were going to need something more than a human being to help mend all our broken hearts. And maybe, just maybe, God knew that Andrew Arthur Dawson was going to need to meet a cat named Driggs and another named Smokey, to help him forge a new life, one that had a far greater capacity for unconditional love, not just for himself, but for all others as well…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

“Addiction is baffling, not only for the addict, but also for those that try to be supportive. There comes a time when you realize helping someone becomes pointless. You can only help someone who wants to help themselves. You can’t save them, you can only love them…and sometimes that needs to be from a distance. All you can do is walk away and lift them in prayer. Pray that they receive that “gift of desperation”. It’s a choice that only they can make for themselves.” (Linda in recovery)

Peace, love light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Build Your Life Around Your Recovery And Not Your Recovery Around Your Life!

When a person decides to check out one of the “Anonymous” programs out there on their own accord for some addiction they’ve been suffering from, they’re usually pretty badly broken and tend to initially place their recovery from that addiction as the top priority in their life. Unfortunately, that frequently changes once they start feeling better, as then they become inclined to place their recovery work second to the rest of their life.

I’ve found the key to preventing this and having a successful recovery is to ALWAYS place my recovery work first, rather than trying to squeeze it into my life somehow. What that typically translates into is maintaining a weekly schedule of the meetings I’ll be attending, the sponsees I’ll be working with, the calls I’ll be making to healthy sober individuals, and any other sobriety-based volunteer opportunities I’m committed to going to.

This wasn’t always the case though…

In my first few years of recovery, I commonly let my ego control what was most important, which in turn regularly led to me refusing sponsorship opportunities with others because I didn’t want to make my life too busy. Sometimes it led to me skipping my home group because I wanted to hang out with someone I found attractive. Other times I’d refuse to take on any position in my home group so that I didn’t have to be tied down to going there if something more important came up elsewhere. And as for any of those times where I planned on going to places where I would speak about my recovery, I repeatedly cancelled for the slightest of reason whether it was due to the weather, or a sniffle, or a friend wanted to go hang out, or for whatever other infinite number of reasons I came up with. I’m sure you get the point. The bottom line was that all the things that represented my recovery were always being placed on a back burner to plenty of other things that I felt were far more important to my life.

But what most people don’t realize, like I didn’t back then, is anytime you do this, making everything a greater priority over the recovery work, that there’s a good chance you’ll end up losing whatever it is that was given a higher priority.

Here are three examples:

That amazing new intimate relationship that seems so perfect is placed first in your life. Eventually it becomes toxic though, as the toxicity in you that’s not being worked on in recovery oozes to the surface and poisons the relationship, leading to its utter demise.

That great paying job that feels like you’ve finally arrived is placed first in your life. Eventually it becomes in jeopardy though, as all the restless, irritable, and discontent parts of you begin to surface more and more seeing that you’re not focusing on working through any of them in recovery, leading to you being fired or quitting.

Your great group of close friends and the things you do with them are placed first in your life. Eventually they begin to distance themselves from you though, as your constant negativity and resentments pervade every conversation because you’re not working on removing any of them in recovery, leading to you being completely alone.

I could go on, seeing that I faced each of these situations over the years and more, for all the times when I built my recovery around my life, instead of my life around my recovery.

You see, it’s living a life of recovery that makes all those wonderful things possible such as a holding a great job for a long period of time, remaining in a beautiful partnership for years, or having an incredible group of loving friends that last. But when one places their recovery program second to the many good things that life can bring, the result is rarely a good one. And while it may not appear to be that exciting to stay active in a recovery program for an addiction for the rest of your life, the alternative, that being the possibility of losing all those good things in life, and potentially heading straight back into the addiction itself, doesn’t seem all that alluring, does it?

That’s why I’m grateful to God for learning this simple recovery principle of building your life around your recovery and not your recovery around your life, as it truly has made my life far more stable then when my recovery came second to everything else.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson