“Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” (John 20:29 NIV)
It’s far easier to have faith in God when things are going your way or when signs of God’s presence are regularly showing up, but what about having faith when things aren’t going your way and none of your prayers seem like they’re being answered? That’s precisely the dilemma I’ve been facing for a good while now, especially in recent months, and it really has challenged a part of me that for the longest of time, I rarely questioned.
The fact is, I’ve maintained some level of faith throughout my entire life and have often felt blessed by God’s presence. Whether that was through messages I received in dreams, or strange coincidences I couldn’t write off, or life-saving miracles I experienced, or any number of other things that really felt divinely inspired, I’ve always felt like God was watching over me somehow and thus didn’t question my faith…that was until just recently when all signs of God’s presence seemed to evaporate from my life.
For about seven months now, I haven’t received a single sign that provided me any clear guidance or direction, nor has any of the prayers about what I’ve been going through been answered either, at least from my perspective. Some have asked if maybe I’m blocked from receiving God’s help and because of that, five people, who I call my prayer warriors, began praying to God every day for discernment for me some time ago. None have received any messages, strong intuitions, or any other type of guidance either, which has led me to truly question my faith, just like Thomas did in the Bible, who is most known today as “Doubting Thomas”.
He questioned if Jesus had really returned and when Jesus appeared before him and showed him his wounds, Jesus stated “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” While I never quite understood what that passage meant for the longest of time, I totally get it now.
When I first believed in God, it was because my life was constantly filled with so many good things and good signs and good presences. But when much of that disappeared like in recent years, I really began questioning my faith. Yet maybe this is something I need to go through, to increase my level of faith? Maybe this is what God wants me to go through, where my hand isn’t consistently being held, to cultivate a much stronger faith, one that’s not dependent on those constant reminders of God’s presence?
I wish I knew if that were true. Unfortunately, I don’t, so I have two choices. Give up and allow my ego to call the shots or keep holding onto that mustard seed of faith and allow God to refine it into something greater. Something that I believe in the end will be unshakeable, no matter what storm ever passes my way, which is ultimately what I choose to continue believing for one more day…
I pray that I may always keep my faith in You God, whether You are showing signs of Your presence or not, for I know You have a wonderful plan for me, even when it feels like you are a million miles away. I trust You are closer than I think and for that I remain faithful in You.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
This reminds me of the poem footprints in the sand….but that will not likely bring any comfort. I too have gone through a very prolonged period where I saw no direction and felt great frustration. What feels like out of no where…serendipity abounds. I have no answers for you and I do know/have faith that you are not alone and are loved.
I often wonder about the times in our lives when life feels like the grist mill and/or standing in the dark hallway with door knobs visible but no door seems to have our name on it….then I guess that if I had the answers I probably would not be satisfied anyway because I am a human and would still mull it all over and think of various ways to make it better if I were in charge. I’m sooooo damn glad I’m not in charge (even though I eat those mental doughnuts too frequently at times). The ebb and flow and retracing of our steps may be the very thing we need and don’t even know it. What if?
Thank you for your heartfelt response! I get your compassion in it! 🙂