“My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life does not have to come last.” (Unknown)
I saw a picture recently that was of a mostly empty, in-ground pool and at its bottom were pieces of garbage floating on some very sludgy green water. Across the picture, written in bold, read, “The Dating Pool in Early Recovery”.
This picture spoke volumes to me given the amount of times I had one relationship after another fall apart because I kept focusing more on the relationship than on my recovery itself.
Nowadays, I’m often asked if I believe a romantic relationship between two individuals can grow and mature in a healthy fashion, when one or both partners are in early recovery. My answer is always the same. It totally depends on where each place their focus first.
When I first met my partner Chris, I was still heavily active in a love addiction, exhibiting very codependent behaviors towards someone else, making any possibility of building anything healthy between the two of us highly unlikely. Yet, here I stand, over 5 ½ years later, in what I would say is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with anyone. So, how’d that happen? How did I go from being a sick, love-addicted, codependent type of individual, to a caring, loving, and loyally monogamous partner, given what I just said about dating in early recovery?
Simply put, I finally chose to put my recovery first, which also meant I placed God first for once in my life, which I continue to do so day after day, for over 68 months now, which is the only reason why I believe Chris and I are still together.
So, can relationships work in early recovery? Absolutely! But only when one’s recovery comes first, as placing it anywhere else will merely lead to taking a swan dive directly into the center of that mostly empty, garbage-strewn, sludgy green pool, which I’m sure is something none of us ever wants to take a dive into, now is it?
I pray that recovery will always come first in my life, and indeed that means placing you first as well God. Thank You for guiding me on my path to a life of recovery and for building my relationship with my partner into the healthiest one I’ve ever had, as only You and my life of recovery could make that possible.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
