Month: November 2017

Lately I have found myself isolating quite a bit from people. Frankly, it’s been just too difficult for me to socialize with all the pain I’ve been dealing with inside me. Some might say that’s not healthy, but I disagree, as I tend to believe that isolating is ok in some cases.

Throughout most of my life, when I’ve overextended myself, giving of myself to others, over and over again, even when I wasn’t feeling well, only ever made me feel worse. And through that repeated action, I learned I can’t transmit anything healthy to anyone, when I’m not feeling healthy myself.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the message I was raised with though. Instead, I, like many others, was told to push myself through everything, even sickness, and that I’d feel far better when I did. But in many of those cases, the sickness often fought back and said, “No, you are going to rest now and take care of yourself!” And that’s precisely what’s been happening to me lately. My health has been so challenging to deal with, that I have been taking a lot more time for me, alone.

But maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe that’s exactly what God’s wants. And maybe that’s exactly what my mind, body, and soul is truly needing right now, a period of isolation for me to heal.

In the 12 Step recovery world though, we’re often told that isolation is never a good thing. Instead, we’re told to get out and help another, especially when we’re not feeling well, and that action alone will help us to feel much better. But trust me when I say that’s not necessarily true. Well maybe it is for someone who is depressed in life, as that action of helping another can lift the spirit right out of a depressed state, at least temporarily.

But for someone like me, who is dealing with high levels of physical pain in the body, trying to get out and give more time of myself to those in need or even on a social level, only seems to make my pain levels feel far worse, and in some cases, so much worse that I end up regretting helping the people I did or hanging around those I was with.

Sadly, my parents never learned this lesson. They pushed themselves a lot in life and both were serious work horses. They often worked through a lot of their sickness and pain, which only resulted in them having nervous breakdowns and engaging in addictions like the over consumption of alcohol. Neither of which are something I ever want to happen in my life again, as indeed I have experienced both in this life. And they always tended to happen whenever I pushed myself through my health issues, thinking that if I got out and did more, I’d feel far better. I never did though.

That’s why I feel isolation may at times actually be a healthy thing for a person to do, especially for someone who’s on the mend or someone who’s simply trying to get on the mend in their mind and body like I am.

So, I’m not going to feel guilty about my pattern of isolation I’ve been doing as of late, because ultimately, I know that I can’t be of help or a good companion to anyone when I’m not feeling healthy myself. And pushing myself to get out and do more with and/or for others, will only drive me into a place where I will be of no service to God, which I’m sure is the last thing that God would want for me. Hence the reason why I believe that isolating really is ok in some cases…especially when it means going through a period alone to take more care of one’s health…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson