Silly Joke #1
A new CEO takes over at a struggling startup business and decides to get rid of all the employees that are slacking. On a tour of the office, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can’t believe this guy would just stand around on the job. The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, “What are you doing just standing here?!” I’m just waiting to get paid,” responds the man.Furious, the new CEO asks, “How much money do you make a week?” A little surprised, the young man replies, “I make about $300 a week. Why do you ask?” The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, “Here’s four weeks pay, now get out right now and don’t come back.” The young man quickly puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out of the office. Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?” From across the room comes a loud voice, “Yes, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200!”
Silly Joke #2
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful! CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!” The wife stared at him in total dismay. “What in the world is wrong with you?! You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?!” The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
Silly Joke #3
A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink”! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, “Take another drink”! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left…. then to the right…. right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, “That boy should have quit while he was a head.”
Bonus Silly Joke
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So, the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.” The blind man replies, “If you would’ve put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus … so shut up!!!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
