Silly Joke #1
The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, two back woods country brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, “Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?” The young man looks at him and says, “I’m a pilot!” The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, “Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!” The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, “What skills to you bring to the Air Force?” The young man says, “I chop wood!” “Son,” the general replies, “we don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what else do you know how to do?” “I chop wood!” “Young man,” huffs the general, “you are not listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers, this is the 21st century!” “Well,” the young man says, “you hired my brother!” “Yes, of course we did,” says the general, “he’s a pilot!” The young man says, “But, I have to chop it before he can pile it!”
Silly Joke #2
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn’t. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, and much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!’ The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind of figured we was friends…”
Silly Joke #3
A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check-out counter where she told the check-out girl, “Nothing but the best for my little kitten.”The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we have a new policy. We are unable to sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat.” The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought twelve of the most expensive dog cookies. The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes also eat dog food. Frustrated she went home, came back and brought in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies. The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, “No, you might have a snake in there.” The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her. So, the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and told the little old lady, “Yuck, my finger now smells like crap!” The little old lady grinned from ear to ear, “Hopefully that’s enough proof to buy three rolls of toilet paper today!”
Bonus Silly Joke
A man and his wife return home from a pleasant evening out. Hoping to score some action that night, he quickly slips down to the kitchen while she is getting ready for bed. He returns a few moments later with a glass of water, and a few pills, which he hands to her.”What’s this for?” she asks, rather puzzled. “It’s aspirin for your headache.” he said. “But I haven’t got a headache…” she responded a little puzzled. “Aha!! Gotcha!!! No excuses this time!” he said with a grin.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
