Silly Joke #1
So, this old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn.He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving tons of sweets in his mouth as fast as possible. The man walks up to the boy and says “You know son, it’s really not healthy to eat all that candy.” The kid looks up at him and says, “You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old.” The man replies “Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?” The kid looks at him and says “No, but he minded his own f$%#ing business!”
Silly Joke #2
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck’s one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, “Well we have the Parthenon.” Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.” The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.” The Italian, nodding in agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire”. …and so on and on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!” The Italian thinks for a couple of seconds and replies quietly, “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!”
Silly Joke #3
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer looked into the distance and warmed to his task. “Once, I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India,” he began. “I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly, the largest tiger I’ve ever seen in my life leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find my gun bearer had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself.” “Under those circumstances, sir, I think anyone would have done the same,” the reporter said trying to be understanding. The old explorer replied: “No, not then -– just now when I went ‘ROARRRR!’”
Bonus Silly Joke
An 87-year-old man said to his friend who was only 80, “Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.” So, on the way home, the 80-year-old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, “Do you have any Italian bread?” She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?” He said, “I want 5 loaves.” She said, “My goodness, 5 loaves…don’t you think by the time you get to the 5th it’ll be hard?” He replied, “Holy crap! Does everybody in the world know about this Italian bread but ME?!!
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
