Silly Joke #1
One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”
Silly Joke #2
An attorney got home late one evening after a very frustrating day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Clarence Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the state governor had been denied and he was feeling tired and depressed.As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, “What time of night do you call this? Why didn’t you call if you were going to be late? What am I supposed to do with your cold dinner? Where the hell have you been?” and so on. Too upset to even respond to her harangue, he poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a long hot soak. He could still hear her continuing diatribe until he closed the bathroom door. While he was in the bath the phone rang. The wife answered to be told that Wright, her husband’s client, had been granted a stay of execution. She went upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband’s posterior as he was bent over naked cleaning the tub. “They’re not hanging Wright tonight,” she said. The attorney turned his head and said wearily “My God, woman, don’t you ever stop?”
Silly Joke #3
A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: “You rest here while I register – I’ll be back within an hour.” The wife lies down on the bed… just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again, a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he’ll be right up. The manager (naturally) is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. “Look, lie here on the bed – you’ll be thrown right to the floor!” So, he lies down next to the wife… Just then the husband walks in. “What,” he says, “are you doing here?” The manager replies: “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”
Bonus Silly Joke
Harry, after his retirement volunteered to entertain patients in hospitals. He would go from one hospital to another in the city and always carried his guitar with him. He would crack jokes and would sing some funny songs at patients’ bedsides.When he finished at one such hospital, he said to an old man, “I hope you get better.” The elderly gentleman quickly replied, “I hope you get better, too.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
