Silly Joke #1
Four guys were at a deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, “Man, what happened to you?” He said, “Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.” The next night it was the second guy’s turn. In the morning, Same thing happens again, his hair is standing up, eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!” He said, “Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night.” The third night was Frank’s turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man’s man. The next morning, he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed. “Good morning,” he said. The other two couldn’t believe it! He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, “Man, what happened?” He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his butt and kissed him good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night.”
Silly Joke #2
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’ A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, ‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’ The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, ‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand!’
Silly Joke #3
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, “Why the spoon?” “Well,” he explained, “the restaurant’s owners hired Anderson Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel is prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.” As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare spoon. “I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.” I was rather impressed. I noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter’s fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter, “Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?” “Oh, certainly!” he answered, lowering his voice. “Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom.” “How so?” “See,” he continued, “by tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.” “After you get it out, how do you put it back?” I asked. “Well,” he whispered, lowering his voice even further, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”
Bonus Silly Joke
A man walks into a book store and asks the clerk if she could tell him where the “self-help” area is. She replied, “Of course I can, but that would defeat the purpose, now wouldn’t it?”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
