Silly Joke #1
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she’s just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she’s ever had. After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She is met by two brothers, “Hello, I’m Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles.” “I’m very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I’ve ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?” Brother Charles replied, “Well, I’m the fish friar.” She turns the other brother and says, “Then you must be…?” “Yes, I’m the chip monk.”
Silly Joke #2
A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying, “God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa.” The father asked, “Why did you say good-bye grandpa?” The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.” The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: “God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy, and good-bye grandma.” The next day the grandmother died. “Oh, my gosh”, thought the father, “this kid is in contact with the other side.” Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: “God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy.” He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said “I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?” He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.” She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch.”
Silly Joke #3
This lady found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month. The lady goes to the drug store and gets some “Nair” hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms don’t use deodorant for a few days.” The lady says: “I’m not using it under my arms.” The druggist says: “If you’re using it on your legs don’t shave for a couple of days.” The lady says: “I’m not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I’m using it on my schnauzer.” The druggist says: “You may want to stay off your bicycle for at least a week then!”
Bonus Silly Joke
My boss texted me, “Send me one of your funny jokes, Pete.”
I replied, “I’m working at the moment, Sir, I will send you one later.”
He replied, “That was fantastic, send me another one.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
